“What’s yours made of?”
“Steel and vitriol.”
“Have I mentioned I never want to go up against you in a court of law?”
When our class is over and we’ve made plans to do it again a few days later, my head is officially clear.
Clear of that kiss.
Clear of last night.
Clear of this bizarre new phase in my life where I’m suddenly wildly attracted to Leo Hennessy.
He’s always been interesting, kind, and clever.
He’s always been smart and easy to talk to.
And he’s definitely always been handsome. I’m not blind, and I wasn’t before Lasik either. I know he’s hot, just like I know Chris Hemsworth could swindle the panties off any woman, but I don’t want to jump him. Wait, that’s not true. Chris Hemsworth is everyone’s hall pass.
Be that as it may, I never thought of Leo in a romantic way.
My eyes were laser-focused on Tripp, my heart belonging 100 percent to the man I married.
Given how it ended, given how it all spiraled downhill, do I regret my choice to love him?
No.
I learned resilience from my marriage. I learned I wasn’t responsible for other people’s choices. I discovered that I couldn’t fix another person, no matter how hard I tried.
Tripp is my past. Tripp is behind me. I’ve made peace with my marriage, with what it was and what it was not. That’s why I don’t harbor any guilt over Leo.
This issue is different.
It’s how he fits into my life.
As I return to my apartment and shower, I contemplate if he fits into my life now that I have room to breathe, to plan, and to grow my business. Do I fling all those ingredients to the floor to indulge in a newfound lust?
But this isn’t lust.
It’s so much more.
Leo is the guy who shows up.
Leo is the guy who will be there.
The recipe of feelings plus Leo equals the real deal.
The trouble is timing.
I’m finally free to live my life on my terms, and those terms include my partnership with his company.
As I rinse off, step out of the shower, and grab a towel, I don’t know that I can fit the real deal in my life at this moment.
A heavy blanket of sadness falls over me. But along with that sadness comes something new.
Determination.
I’m on the other side. I’m rebuilding and remaking my life. I love the freedom from madness. I love the opportunities unfurling before me.
I love my choices.
And I need to behave like I have them. I text the smartest person I know.
Lulu: What exactly did you mean when you said he had years in his eyes?
Mom: It feels like there’s a different question in there than the one you’re asking, so I’ll ask it. Why are you asking me this question?
Lulu: I shouldn’t be surprised that you answered a question with a question.
Mom: However else would I answer it? :)
Lulu: So. Years. Explain.
Mom: I said he had years in his eyes because he looks at you in a way that’s different from how a man looks at a woman he’s simply attracted to.
I stare at the text message, trying to decode it. But it’s almost too much, the notion she’s presenting. I can’t conceive of years. All I know is he kissed me like a man possessed. But what possessed him?
The idea of years is inconceivable. He’s dated other women. He was engaged, for crying out loud. He can’t possibly have wanted me for years, so I decide that he hasn’t, and I deal with only the here and now.
And that mesmerizing kiss.
Lulu: We kissed yesterday.
Mom: WAY TO BURY THE LEDE!
Lulu: I was teeing you up. :)
Mom: This is huge!
Lulu: Is it?
Mom: I presume you don’t go around kissing random men for kicks?
Lulu: I haven’t kissed anyone in years. I haven’t dated anyone since my marriage ended. You know that. So, what happens next?
Mom: What does your heart say? What do you want? Was it just a random kiss? Or was it a kiss that leads to more late-night bookstore visits and dinners with your mother?
