Her mouth dropped open. “What? Why?”

“I don’t want to see you right now.”

She gawked. “You’re pissed at me?”

“Yeah, I am.” I shook my head at her. “I am so tired of this, Maddy.”

“Then be mad at her! Not at me for pointing her shit out!”

“You think I don’t know?! You think I don’t fucking see that something is wrong with her?”

She blinked at me. I’d never admitted this. Not like this.

I shook my head at her. “You want to warn him, Maddy? Go ahead. Ruin her chances for a normal life with a normal man, send her back out into the universe where I won’t know where she is or if she’s even alive. Go ahead. But I’m not doing it. I’m not going to undo whatever progress she’s made in therapy by throwing her past back in her face and trying to destroy her life when she’s trying to be better. Leave her alone.”

She stared at me, shocked.

I turned and started for the house.

“Emma!”

I kept walking. My eyes started to tear up. I hated fighting with Maddy. We almost never argued. But why wouldn’t she just let me have this? This one thing?

Mom had never been in therapy before. She’d never met a nice guy like this before. Maybe things could be different, and I just wanted Maddy to see that and let me have my stupid, pitiful fucking hope.

I made my way back through the pool area to the French doors off the kitchen to find Mom. But when I got to the door, I saw Neil through the glass.

He must have come home early. He was standing with Mom by the center island beaming at the flowers. Mom was hugging him and he had his hands under her ass.

I pivoted to put my back to the side of the house before they saw me. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself not to cry. When I opened them, I could see Maddy already pushing off the dock and heading to the cottage.

I took in a shuddering breath and went down to the pool. I plopped heavily onto a reclining chair by the cold firepit just as thunder rumbled overhead.

I wanted to sob. For half a dozen different reasons, I wanted to sob. I wasn’t going to admit defeat and call Maddy back to come get me. I wasn’t going to be the third wheel with Mom and Neil either. I didn’t have a car, Maddy had the keys.

I swiped at my tears with the side of my hand. I could feel myself getting small. Shrinking into myself the way I always did when something stressful or awful happened. Retreating into my own brain.

When I got like this, I didn’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone. I could shut down for days. Turn off my phone, call out of work, abandon my social media. Not answer the door for anyone or anything, cut off everyone until I felt safe enough to start to let them in again a little at a time. But I had nowhere to vanish.

I wasn’t home. I didn’t have my wallet or my purse—they were in the boat. I was sitting on a pool chair, out in the open, still wearing my scrubs with a storm rolling in. The sun was going down. In a few minutes the mosquitoes would start to come out.

I sat there, feeling overexposed and getting more and more upset and there was nothing I could do to hide from it and no place to bury myself and nowhere to go. My chin quivered.

Then my phone chirped.

Justin: How was your first day at work?

I sniffled and sent a thumbs-down emoji and put my face in my hands.

My phone started to ring. I raised my head and watched it chime for a few long moments. And I don’t know what part of me decided to answer before I got too small to do it, but I did.

“Hey,” I said. I tried my best not to let him hear the thickness in my throat.

“Hey. What happened? Why was it bad?”

I rubbed my forehead. “It’s a lot to explain.” I paused. “Do you want to have dinner? My night just freed up.”

It wasn’t a quiet room behind a closed door, but it was somewhere to go. I’d be with someone safe and removed from what was happening with Mom and Maddy. And at least I wouldn’t be outside, sitting by a pool, hoping I didn’t set off the motion sensor lights after it got dark.

God.

I had to move the phone away from my mouth because I wanted to cry.

“Yeah, I can totally do dinner,” he said. “But I’m babysitting. I didn’t think I was going to see you, so I told my mom I’d watch Chelsea.”

I felt myself deflate. “Oh. Okay. That’s all right. I’ll just see you—”

“No, come. I’m making spaghetti. We can watch a movie or something. Can you get over here? If not, I can pick you up.”

“Justin… I don’t think I should meet your family.”

He laughed a little. “Why?”

“Because I don’t do that with guys I date.”

“Aw, come on.” He sounded amused. “She’s four. It’s not like you’re meeting my mom. And anyway, I met your mom. What’s the big deal? Besides, I’m not really a guy you’re dating, right? What are the rules for curse-breaking arrangements? I feel like there’s wiggle room.”

I let a small smile crack.

“My dog is here,” he added. “You can meet Brad.”

I did want to meet Brad…

I drew in a long breath through my nose. “You know this isn’t going to count as one of our dates, right?”

“I zero percent care about that.”

I looked up and peered out at the shrinking image of Maddy boating off into the distance. Behind me I heard Mom shriek with laughter from somewhere in the house. I really didn’t want to meet Justin’s family. Not even the four-year-old. It was a rule I didn’t break. Ever.

But I had nowhere else to go and no one to go to. Nowhere to be small.

“Okay. I’ll call an Uber.”

Justin’s mom’s house was a two-story in a quiet suburban neighborhood. There were little butterfly flags in the planters and a red tricycle by the garage. The driveway next to Justin’s car was full of children’s chalk drawings.

This was the kind of house that had a bouncy slide in the backyard during birthday parties and Christmas lights on the holidays. I knew without knowing that on Halloween Justin’s mom handed out candy dressed in a costume while jack-o’-lanterns flickered on the steps, and on Easter she’d hide pastel eggs around the yard.