What was wrong with me? These people had saved me.

Maybe Maddy was right. Maybe I was aloof to a fault. Except with Mom. With Mom I felt everything, all the time.

“What are you thinking?” Justin asked, snapping me out of it.

I looked up at him. “Was I making a face?”

“A little bit.”

I started rinsing the sink. “I’m thinking that my mom takes a lot out of me. And that maybe she doesn’t leave anything for anyone else.”

He nodded slowly like he understood.

“There’s this thing that I do,” I said. “It’s… never mind. It’s hard to explain.” I shut off the water.

“No, explain it,” he said, handing me the towel. “Tell me.”

I leaned my hip on the counter. “I have this thing where I get small,” I said, looking at the towel as I dried my hands. “I get really withdrawn and I just want to be alone.”

“Everybody feels like that sometimes.”

I shook my head. “No. It’s bigger than that.” I stopped and he waited for me to go on. “When I was little, I couldn’t really count on anyone. I mean, really I couldn’t. My mom was so all over the place and we were always moving. I’d get a friend or a teacher I liked and then they’d just be gone because I’d go live somewhere else. So I became an island—and the island is small. I don’t need anyone. And I know that sounds sort of terrible, but it’s actually comforting to know that I have this ability to need no one. It feels like a superpower. Like I’m untouchable.”

He was studying me quietly, listening.

“Usually Maddy is on the island. And Mom is on the island. Everyone else is on the shore. And sometimes I wish I could go get them, but I just… can’t. I don’t have the space for them. And I know that it hurts people, but it’s just who I am. And it makes me feel like a horrible person.”

He shook his head. “I don’t think you’re a horrible person. I think you went through something horrible and that’s who you needed to become to get through it.”

“Maybe.” I had to look away from him. “I’m sorry. I’m just in a funk today.”

He dipped his head to look me in the eye. “You only have two people on your island and you’re worried about one and fighting with the other one. I’d be in a funk too.”

I gave him a little smile. “You know, I was almost too small to come here tonight.”

“I’m glad you did.”

The corner of my lip turned up. “I’m glad I did too.”

CHAPTER 15 JUSTIN

Emma helped give Chelsea a bath, then changed her Band-Aid afterward. It was just a Band-Aid, but watching how gentle and sweet Emma was with my sister made me smile.

After that we moved to the living room and sat on the sofa to watch Frozen, me at one end and Emma at the other because Chelsea wanted to be in the middle curled up against me. Brad jumped into my lap and I was officially buried.

Emma smiled at me from the other end of the couch. “You’re like a docking station for small vulnerable dependents.”

“Well, we all need a job.”

She laughed.

When Chelsea fell asleep, I carried her up to bed. When I came down, I sat back in my corner. I didn’t want to assume Emma wanted me closer.

She looked at me, amused. “All the way over there?”

“Well, I don’t want to crowd you. Though the docking station is available if you’d like to give it a try.”

She made a show of thinking about it. “You know, I would like to give it a try. See what all the fuss is about.”

I grinned and made a come-here motion with my hand and she scooted over and let me put an arm around her. The highlight of my entire week, hands down.

“So what do you want to watch?” I asked, hoping she couldn’t feel my heart racing, though I was pretty sure she could.

She tilted her head up and her mouth was very close to mine. “Whatever you want.”

“Okay. Hellraiser it is.”

“Ha.”

I picked up the remote and started scrolling. “How about The Sopranos?”

“Sure. But from the beginning though. It’s been a few years.”

“Got it.” I was scrolling down to season one when my phone pinged on the coffee table. “Sorry, I leave the ringer up when I’m babysitting,” I said.

I looked at my screen and cracked up. “Look what Brad just sent me.”

It was a picture of a shirt with the Toilet King on it and a text that said, “Your birthday gift motherfucker.”

She laughed. “When is your birthday?” she asked.

“Not until next year. When’s your birthday?”

“In a few weeks, actually.”

“Oh. Well, do you have plans? Can I take you out?” I asked.

“It’ll be after my contract’s up.”

Her way of saying she wouldn’t be here for it. I only got to feel disappointed for a second before my phone pinged again.

“Sorry,” I said, looking at it. “It’s my mom. I have to reply to this.”

I took my arm away from Emma and typed a short message about Sarah being home and Chelsea being in bed.

“What time does she get home?” Emma asked.

“I don’t know. Midnight?”