We got to Mom’s and I came inside with Alex to say hi. I was in a rush. I had to stop at Brad’s, then go home and get ready for my date, then I had to drive to go get Emma. But the opportunities to come in and say hi to Mom were running out, and I didn’t want to waste one.
I’d tried to be softer with her the last few days. The energy shift I’d had over Mom after my talk with Emma was almost as bad as being mad at her. At least when I was mad, I didn’t feel the guilt I was feeling now.
I thought about Emma’s island, the metaphorical one she’d told me about. And it made me wonder if we all have an island sometimes and maybe Mom had been on hers alone and I hadn’t known. This ate away at me now.
Mom was at the kitchen table with Leigh already petting my excited dog before I came in. I gave her a small squeeze on her shoulder before I sat down next to her.
“I can’t stay long,” I said. “Just wanted to come in and say hi. I’ve got a date.”
“Oh? With who?” Mom asked.
“Her name’s Emma,” I answered.
“She’s cool,” Alex said, taking a bite of his burger. “I met her the other night. She’s like, superhot.”
“Sweetie, don’t chew with your mouth open,” Mom said. “Will I get to meet her?”
The full question hovered between us. Will I get to meet her before I go? And no, Mom wouldn’t get to meet her.
“She’s got a busy schedule at the hospital,” I said. “I only get to see her once a week myself.”
That was true. But the real reason was that Emma didn’t want to meet her.
I got it. I guess if you’re always a few weeks away from leaving, what’s the point in getting to know the family of the people you date? You barely have time to get to know the person you’re dating.
This was another thing I was trying not to think about—her leaving. I should be happy that she came at all, that she wasn’t in Hawaii. We still had three more dates, maybe more if I could convince her. I’d already gotten a freebie the other night at Mom’s. But I dreaded the clock running out. Emma was the only good thing happening to me at the moment and when she was gone, not only would I lose her, I’d be left sitting in my new reality. Dad gone, Mom in prison. Me with all the children.
It was coming. Barreling at me faster and faster and it was almost here.
And now that I’d met Emma, it was more than that.
When she left, I wouldn’t be able to just fly out to wherever she was—if she’d let me. And I would want to fly out to wherever she was. I knew this, even a week and a half in. And now I wouldn’t get to explore it or pursue it the way I wanted to.
This thing with Mom had changed the path of my whole life. Altered my fate, thrown my course off its trajectory.
I could work from anywhere. What would have stopped me from leaving with her in a few weeks if she’d wanted me to? My lease was almost up, Brad had moved on. It was like this was the plan that the universe had set up for me. This was what was supposed to happen.
But that alternate reality was gone now. Now I’d just have the What-If. And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
I got up, said my goodbyes, and left. Drove to Brad’s.
When I knocked, Faith let me in. “Hey.” She pushed the door open and called up the stairs. “Brad, Justin’s here.” She turned to give me a look. “With his dog.”
I grinned at her and she made an exasperated noise and left me there.
Brad jogged down the steps and Benny came around the corner from the living room at the same time. The guys were installing a TV and then having a couples dinner tonight. They’d invited me and Emma, but I’d opted for the private date night instead.
I didn’t think she wanted to meet my friends for the same reason she didn’t want to meet my family, and anyway I wanted to spend time with her alone.
“To what do I owe the honor of this visit?” Brad said.
“I’m here for my shirt.”
He pulled his face back. “The Toilet King shirt? You can’t ask for it. If you actually want it, it’s not funny.”
“Not my problem. If she checks the Stupid Shirt option on the what-to-wear part of the surveys I send her, I’m gonna need it.”
“Dumbass. Hold on.”
Benny came out on the porch and I took a seat while he crouched to pet my dog.
Brad came back out and tossed me the shirt, then he chucked a bag of something at my chest and I caught it in my lap.
“I got you some of those dark chocolate peanut butter cups you like from work. Figured you might be missing the perks of living with me.” He dropped into the rocking chair next to mine.
“I do love Trader Joe’s,” I said, smiling at the bag. “Nothing like a grocery store that makes you have to visit another grocery store right after.”
Benny cracked up.
Brad stopped rocking and narrowed his eyes at me. “Take that back.”
“I absolutely will not.”
He leaned forward. “With as much disrespect as I can manage, Justin, fuck you.”
I laughed.
Brad sat back into his chair. “So how’s it going with the girl?” he asked.
