“What comes first? You, your team, or your orders?”
The question was too easy. “The team.”
“Why?”
“For a mission to be successful, the team must complete it. Sometimes orders
can’t take into account what happens in the field.”
“Ask me the same question,” she prompted.
“Um, what comes first, sir? Team, mission, or you?”
“The mission.” Her answer fell between us with merciless finality. “Do you
know why?”
I shook my head.
“In any given operation, there are numerous factors that come into play.
Most of which, command will not share with their teams. There are reasons soldiers are given information on a need-to-know basis. I knew there was a leak
somewhere, either on the joint team, or from someone close at hand. This meant
I couldn’t tell the team all they were facing, just what was deemed necessary to
trap Ellery. I couldn’t warn any of you of what might be used against you.”
Furious emotion turned her voice husky. “I couldn’t protect Eric, but I knew you
would.”
And there it was, the real reason she went after me the way she did at the trial. “I tried,” I choked out.
She took a step toward me, and I backed away. She stopped. “I know that now, but then, then I needed someone to blame.”
My bitter laugh cut through the night. “Because God forbid you look in the
damn mirror, right?”
She took the hit.
I spun around, giving her my back, fighting to pull my shit together. “Sorry,”
I ground out.
That had been grossly unfair. Delacourt had been stuck between a rock and a
hard place, but it still fucking hurt, because she couldn’t blame me any more than I did. Even Kayden’s reassurance that there was nothing I could do, could
erase months of guilt.
“I can apologize until hell freezes over.” Her voice was level, quiet. “But it
won’t change anything. All I ask is that you remember that under the uniform is
a flesh and blood woman.”
Hot pressure made my eyes sting and my throat closed. I forced air through
my lungs until the tightness in my chest loosened and the pressure faded. Finally,
I turned around and gave her what I could. “We’re all flesh and blood under the
uniforms, sir.”
“That we are,” she said, watching me for a moment. She blew out a quiet breath. “Let me take care of Kelsey while you work with Shaw.”
“Why?” Her explanation carried enough truth for me to understand, but it
hadn’t calmed all my suspicions.
“You have enough to deal with right now. Let me take this on, so you can focus. I don’t want to lose anyone else to Ellery.”
“Thank you.”
She inclined her head and began to turn away.
