I really didn’t know what I’d gotten myself into when I started. And I want to get clean. I really do. But I just end up back where I started.

I’d heard that countless times on these calls. From what I’d seen and heard last night, it sounded like there was a possibility that Micah’s sister was in the same place.

“It’s incredible how you can do that weekly,” Tristan said with awe. My neck heated which then spread to my cheeks. Tristan said this all the time, and I never got used to it.

“It’s scary when you have to call the paramedics because you never know if they’re going to make it,” I said, keeping my eyes on Kurt chasing Maddie, her loud giggles helping calm the ache in my chest that threatened to unlock memories I didn’t want to visit. “If I could, I’d save them all, but I can’t. But I can listen and make sure that they get to live a little longer.”

We didn’t talk about the calls when the people didn’t make it. At first those calls haunted me for days, but over time I learned how to work through them in therapy, my support groups, and talking to other operators in the area.

Suddenly, the kids started a new game involving chasing Kurt into a tackle and piling on him. After going down for the third time in a row, he wheezed for help, which had Tristan and me cracking up, lifting the heaviness in the air.

“I better go rescue him,” Tristan said with a long sigh, but the smile on his lips showed nothing but adoration. We fist bumped before he jogged toward Kurt and said over his shoulder, “You better get some food before it disappears.”

The line for food stretched almost all the way around the Collective’s house, with people eagerly waiting their turn. Sundays were always the busiest days here, especially when the days had warmed up after winter. It was nice to be out and say hello to families of the kids I coached at kickball or catch up with other people I knew from a support group.

After I found a seat under the shade at an empty table, Leon had walked over and pointed to an empty chair. “Care if I sit here? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah, it’s been a hot minute,” I said after mauling a mouthful of potato salad. “But I always figure you and your guys are always busy coming up with some new genius plan that is going to save the world.”

Leon laced his hands behind his head and grinned. “I’m going to take that as a compliment.”

“Absolutely is. I’m not in the habit of shitting on good people,” I said, going to town on my pork sandwich. “Y’all always have good food here, so that helps too.”

“That’s just luck. We have so many food trucks interested in our events that we can barely keep up.”

“Keep it up. This is lit.” I set down what little I had left of my sandwich and wiped my mouth clean. “No offense, but I know you didn’t just sit down for chitchat. Whatcha need help with?”

Leon ducked his head and rubbed his knuckle against the side of his nose. “Damn, if that’s my reputation, I need to change tactics.”

“Naw, don’t. People need someone to give them an option when they’re too scared to ask for help,” I said, nodding toward the crowd. “So, hit me with it.”

“Remember when you said that we should figure out a way to get trainers to do the Never Alone hotline? Well, we worked it out with the Never Alone organization to create a local team for training. The Collective will host the first training session in a couple of weeks.”

“Hell yeah, man, that’s great,” I said, unable to contain my excitement. “This is huge. Damn, what kind of magic do you work to make all this happen?”

Leon laughed under his breath. “That was all Toryn, not me. He’s the one who gets people on board; I just help facilitate.” I gave him a look like I didn’t quite believe him, but Leon brushed it aside and said, “Which is why I wanted to know if you’d be interested in being a guest speaker. The class is filling up pretty quickly, but I think someone coming in with experience is helpful.”

“Come again?” I said, looking at Leon like he’d lost his head. “You really think I’m good enough for that?”

“Of course I do. I really believe that your story resonates with people.”

Leon spoke so earnestly that I had to look away. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard that over the years, but this wasn’t just me talking to people who were just out of rehab. This would be people who had family or friends, people who felt a calling to help. The idea of handling that on my own was scary as fuck.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” I said, getting up and grabbing my trash.

Leon joined me, his joy radiating off him. “I’ll text you the date and time, and you can let me know if that works.”

We were halfway apart when I stopped and called Leon’s name. “Thanks for giving me a chance.”

“Hey, thanks for taking it,” Leon said, lifting a hand for a wave.

I found Tristan and Kurt off to the side, cleaning up Maddie’s face, which was covered in dirt and barbecue sauce. I looked at Kurt and snorted. “Yo, you look busted as hell.”

“Try getting tackled by ten kids of various sizes and ages and tell me how you’ll fare,” Kurt said under his breath while he redid Maddie’s ponytail.

The rest of the afternoon went by quicker than I’d expected. By the time I got home, I was tired in a good way. I cleaned up and chilled for a bit before heading to bed, knowing that my fuck-thirty phone alarm would ring soon. While I drifted off to sleep, I reached out next to me, wishing Micah was there.

MICAH

“Thanks again for driving me, man,” Dakota said as he buckled up in the passenger seat. “Apparently my car is way more fucked than they expected.”

He droned on about dealing with the never-ending passive-aggressive tennis match with his ex, but it was too early to be listening about their drama. Ada was still off-grid, and I tossed and turned all night, unable to shake off how she was out there and unable to get a hold of me.

Not hearing from her was torture, and the moment we were sitting at a stoplight, I snatched my phone and started a playlist that was heavy on the guitar and drums, hoping it would somehow drown out the banging in my head.

I kept my eyes focused on the sluggish morning traffic, tapping my thumbs against the steering wheel to the aggressive beat. Why couldn’t Ada manage to keep in touch? My biggest nightmare was that I’d get a call from an anonymous number, and it’d be someone telling me that Ada was gone.

It made my stomach churn just to think about it.

I hiked the volume up and didn’t stop, despite Dakota’s protests. After a few ear bleeding measures, Dakota hit the Mute button, cutting off the music and leaving me with ringing ears and horrible morning traffic. I was too caught up in my head to not notice someone was crossing into my lane, and I slammed on my brakes. Dakota’s hand flew up to the oh-shit handle, whispering a string of curses as I blared my horn at the asshole who almost made me rear end them.

Dakota placed a hand over his heart, his breathing harsh. “Okay, what the fuck?”

I sputtered and pointed at the car weaving into the lanes impatiently. “What are you talking about? That guy was cutting into the lane like he owns the road.”

“I’m not talking about dickbag over there,” Dakota said, pointing to the general vicinity of where the car was, and then turned it to me. “I’m talking about you.”

“What about me?”

The sigh I got in return let me know that Dakota was rolling his eyes. Hard. “Something’s got you wound up this morning, and we’ve not even had coffee yet.”

The barbed wire of worry and anger toward Ada twisted deeply in my gut, but I trusted Dakota more than anyone right now.

“When I got home after Astral Motion, my apartment had been broken into. It was probably one of the people Ada runs around with, and yes, I already got my lock changed, and no, I haven’t been able to get a hold of her,” I said, my voice strained.

Knowing that Ada had someone come into my apartment just to find exactly what she was looking for—money or something of value—made my lungs clench like I was choking on my last breath.

A sharp movement caught the corner of my eye as Dakota shifted in the seat so he was facing me. “Jesus fucking Christ, Micah, why didn’t you call me?”

I swallowed past the burning tightness in my throat, allowing my anger to take control. It was sure as fuck better than getting teary. “I would’ve, I swear, but Nik was with me and helped me clean the place up.”

Dakota drummed his fingers on his thigh. He was in assessment mode. I could practically see the mental math scribbled above his head.

Eventually he said, “Something else happened.”

My eyes fell shut briefly, and I exhaled a shaky breath. “Nik told me about how he helps out at the Collective with some people who are working at recovery and how he has resources.” I kicked up the AC and inhaled the frosty blast of air on my hot skin. “I think he may be how I can get Ada better.”