“Nothing’s happened to Ada. Not yet, anyway,” I said, combing my fingers through my sweaty hair. “But she’s refusing to talk to me, so the only way I know she’s still alive is by keeping my phone near me at all times and religiously checking area jail websites for new arrests and news sites for reports of unidentified bodies.”

“Addiction is painful. For the addict and the people who care about them. In a perfect world, we’d never have to deal with it, but life’s a bitch,” Nik said, his voice weighted with compassion.

“At the risk of being an enormous dick, at this point I’d hand it off to anyone but me,” I said, resting my elbows on my knees and rubbing my shaky hands together.

“Naw, I don’t believe it. You’re too kind to do something like that,” Nik said with affection so sincere it made my stomach flutter. I glanced over to him, our gazes connecting. In that suspended moment, the noise of the crowd faded away, leaving only a fluttering sensation that I couldn’t quite put a name to.

“Wanna get out of here?” Nik asked, the side of his mouth tipping upward when he saw me nod. “All right, let me go say bye to some people and I’ll meet you there. My house isn’t far from here.”

The only time I’d seen Nik’s house was in the shadow of night, the details hidden in the darkness. Under the blinding Sunday sun, it shimmered, inviting and warm.

“Damn, it’s hot as hell today,” Nik said after we stepped inside, kicking his shoes off. “Want something to drink? For once, I got an option that ain’t water, but it’s Diet Coke.”

“Water’s fine,” I said, stepping out of my shoes and walking over to the couch. Nik disappeared into the kitchen, and I stood in the living room awkwardly, too wound up to actually sit down.

My eyes fell on the bookcase, catching a glance of a new piece of pottery. It differed from the other pieces, with vines of gold winding around the cup. I lifted a finger up toward it, hesitantly hovering over a thick golden strip.

I heard Nik moving behind me as his hand reached for the bowl. He held onto it for a moment, spinning it around in his palms before offering it to me. I lifted it up against the sunlight coming in through the window, my breath hitching at the way it glimmered in the sunlight.

“You made this?” I asked, unable to contain my wonder.

Nik bit his lip to fight a smile. “Kinda. The bowl came with the class, and we used tools that were from a box. But yeah, I smashed it and put it back together.” He ran his thumb along the lip, before cupping his hands over mine. “How long you been iced out? I’ma guess a bit since you’re looking for an arrest record.”

He was gracious enough to leave out the part where I was also looking for Ada’s obituary. It didn’t stop the guilt from gurgling awake, leaving a bitter taste on my tongue. Ada was always just out of my reach, slipping further and further away.

“Week and a half,” I said, handing the bowl back to Nik as I walked over to the couch. “She usually reaches out to me after a couple of days to borrow cash or crash in her old room when she needs to lay low.”

Ada was always a touch out of my reach. If I couldn’t figure out how to help her, then she’d slip away forever.

Nik joined me on the couch and placed the bowl in the middle of the table. Against the mundane basket of remotes and two glasses of water, its magic shined even more.

“What is that called?” I asked, pointing to the bowl.

“Kintsugi,” Nik said, his nose wrinkling when he tripped on the pronunciation. “It’s got all this fancy shit you can do with it, but I kinda like it just plain. That way you can really see what it means.”

“What does it mean?”

“I’m gonna butcher this, but basically that brokenness can turn into something real beautiful,” Nik said, not breaking focus on the bowl. “Took me a long time to accept that.”

His hand instinctively moved to the dip in his arm covered by the sleeve of a baseball tee, thumb absently tracing a circle. Did he always take measures to conceal his history to protect himself from unnecessary cruelty?

If Ada came out of this, she’d have to contend with the world like that too. I wouldn’t have any wisdom to give her on how to navigate it, and that could lead to her downfall.

Facing Nik, I took in his profile, the slope of his nose, his sharp cheekbones, and full lips. I ran my fingertip down the column of his neck, over the ridge of his collarbone and down his arm, stopping where his hand was covering up his scars.

“You don’t have to tell me anything, but I’d like to know about this,” I said, sliding my finger over each one of his fingers and knuckles. “Whatever it is, I won’t judge. I just want to understand, because maybe if I understand, I won’t—” I gritted my teeth trying to stave off the tremble of my jaw. “Maybe I won’t lose her.”

Nik tilted his head to me, his gaze searching. “Okay. I’ll tell you.”

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, hands clasped loosely in front of him. His lips rolled into a thin line, and his eyebrows wrinkled together, like he was trying to figure out where to start.

“Almost six years ago, I was in a bad place. Real bad. I’d been in and out of rehab, and I’d lost contact with my family because nothing mattered more than getting fucked up. I started going to the Collective for the support groups because my sponsor said they were good to people there. I think I got referred there because of their mentor program.

“That’s where I met Duncan. He always helped me out when shit got real. Like, every time I lost a job, or I couldn’t get a ride to a meeting, Duncan showed up. He helped me get a job so I could get a spot at a halfway house. Then one day, I lost my job. No job, no room.”

He lifted his arm and pulled up the sleeve, revealing the abused veins I’d seen. There was no dawn obscuring them right now. Nik looked down at them, taking it in like it was the first time he’d shown them, and said, “It’s kinda funny how I spend all this time covering up these scars, but the one that nearly killed me, you can’t see at all.”

“Who found you?” I asked, hushed, worried I’d break the moment if I spoke any louder.

Nik tugged down the sleeve past his elbow. “My friend Chance. His brother and Duncan are best friends, and he was going through some shit too, so Duncan was helping him out. When I went rogue, Chance was the one who found me.”

“Wow,” I whispered.

“Yeah, he’s not an addict, he fights darker shit than that. Being an addict is hard, but you can adjust your life so you’re not around the temptation. Fight against your own mind?” He tapped the tip of my finger against his temple and sucked in a sharp breath between his teeth. “That’s a whole other level.”

“And you got clean after that?”

“I got clean after that,” Nik said. “Sometimes people say shit like I’m so brave or whatever, but I’m not. I just got lucky.”

Luck? How the hell was I supposed to get through to Ada on luck? All my anger from earlier seeped away, and a fresh wave of grief for her rose to the surface. It quaked in my muscles and clenched my lungs until my struggle for oxygen ached in my ribs.

Nik turned his body fully to me, tipped my chin up, and brushed the back of his hand across my cheek, chasing it with a kiss. This wasn’t the kind of thing that I’d ever expect of him. It was too soft, too gentle. But he didn’t stop, continuing to kiss along my jaw and down my neck, sending shivers along my spine.

I tilted back to gain enough room to slot our mouths together. Nik didn’t tease, allowing me to coax his mouth open and letting my tongue in. As my hands ventured under his shirt and my fingernails grazed his sides, a gentle, rumbling moan resonated from the back of his throat.

Before I knew it, I was on my back with my thigh between Nik’s legs, holding onto his hips. We kept that up for a few beats before Nik broke his mouth away and rested his forehead against mine.

“If we keep going, I need to make sure you’re okay,” Nik said, each word breathy and strained. “You’re in the shit right now, and you matter more than me getting off.”

“I’m okay,” I said, and meant it. Nik lifted himself on his elbows until he could get a full look at me. His hair was a riot, his lips red, and his eyes glassy. It was undeniable Nik was hotter than hell like this, but there was a tiny wrinkle of worry settled between his eyebrows, his gaze searching. I leaned up and gave him a slow, filthy kiss, feeling him melt a little.

“Bedroom,” Nik said and slid off me, pulling me up to my feet.

I let him gently guide me to his room, feeling both his desire and his compassion. He couldn’t fix Ada for me, but he could help me escape the torture in my mind for a while with no judgment.

I’d take whatever I could get right now.

NIK

In two minutes, if Walt didn’t clock into work, he was out of a job.

From Duncan’s office I watched the morning crew stock the shelves, keeping my eye on the back entrance of the store. Walt always showed up ten minutes early, always with two cups of gas station swill to get him going for the day. He swore by it.

Now he was nowhere to be found.