“Night, night, son.” He stood slowly on shaky legs.

She’d left. Stunned, he never thought she would leave the boys. She definitely loved them. He didn’t think she would ever willingly leave without them. He kicked himself for making love to her. He had pushed her too fast. He should have taken it slow. She probably thought he hadn’t changed at all. He needed her to know that he had. He knew he had to get a grip so that he could salvage things.

He went searching for Jillian to see if Latonya had left word about where she was going and when she would be back.

Jillian and Pamela were sitting in the kitchen having tea when he walked in. The icy stares that both women gave him turned the usually toasty room cold.

Carlton felt a foreboding chill in his veins and hoped that whatever had made Latonya leave wasn’t unfixable.

“Good evening, ladies. Where’s Latonya?” he asked hesitantly. The loud beating came back, and he swore he could feel his heart in his stomach.

Jillian cut her eyes at him and shook her head. “She decided to stay at her grandmother’s house for two weeks while Cicely takes Evelyn on a Caribbean cruise. She said she’d be back during the day to spend time with the boys. But she plans to spend her nights there.” Sighing, Jillian took a sip of tea. “It didn’t sound like she was making any plans to come back here and live once Evelyn gets back. She said she needed time to think things through, to sort out her life.”

He flinched. His hand grabbed the edge of the kitchen counter. Why would she just up and leave? How could she do that to the kids? To him? Sure, he had pushed things further than he intended by making love to her, but that wasn’t reason enough for her to just up and leave. Was it?

Carlton could feel each heavy, thumping beat of his heart. Fear unlike any he’d ever felt overcame him. It was too late. The mere thought caused a chasm in his chest that felt as large as the Grand Canyon. He stopped and gave the women a meaningful stare. After being the victim of one horrible misunderstanding about Latonya, he refused to make any more rash decisions. “What exactly did my wife say when she left here?”

Jillian narrowed her eyes on him and he felt as if he were a boy again sneaking cookies out of the kitchen.

The normally bubbly and bright Pamela took a sip of her tea. The way her eyes darted back and forth between him and Jillian, it was clear she knew something. Finally Pamela sighed.

“She said that she needed some space and time to sort out her feelings.” The nanny paused momentarily as if trying to decide if she should betray Latonya’s trust. “And she said that she couldn’t stay here any longer. It’s too hard for her. She looked like she’d been crying. It didn’t seem like an easy decision for her.”

Too hard for her? Letting go of the counter, Carlton began to walk out of the kitchen. “I’m going to get my wife and bring her back home. Thanks, ladies.”

“Just make sure you do it right this time! Don’t mess up,” Jillian snapped.

“Jillian,” Pamela chided.

Jillian sucked her teeth. “What? The man needs to know that he could lose her, and I know he doesn’t want that to happen!”

Carlton froze. The little woman with the big mouth was right. He didn’t want that to happen. Couldn’t allow it. “Thanks for the advice, Jillian. Anything else?”

“Just don’t blow it!” Jillian picked up her teacup and took a sip.

Pamela shook her head. “Jillian!”

“What?” Jillian asked.

Carlton realized that the person he really needed to be reassuring wasn’t in the kitchen. “Don’t worry, Jillian, I’m going to try not to.”

Chapter 30

When Carlton drove up to Gran’s home, he was almost tempted to pull the car away. If he truly loved Latonya, he should be willing to set her free, he reasoned. He didn’t want to repeat history and keep dragging a woman back home if she clearly didn’t want to be there. He’d seen what that had done to his mother and father. It would break his heart if he saw his mother’s feelings of trapped misery replicated in his own wife.

As he walked up the stairs, he told himself that he had to let her know how he felt about her. Maybe if she knew how much he cared…

He had to try at least once for the boys’ sake. Hell, for his own heart’s sake. He needed to get his true feelings out in the open once and for all.

Only when he rang the doorbell did he realize how late it was and wonder if he should have called first. The irony that he had been in the same spot six years earlier, trying to figure out how to get Latonya to listen to him wasn’t lost on him. At least that time I had sense enough to bring flowers, he mentally chided. His breath caught in his throat when she opened the door. Even in a simple white cotton sleep shirt with big yellow ducks on it and a satin sleep bonnet covering her hair, she looked beautiful.

Covering her mouth as she yawned, she stood between the small crack in the door. “Carlton, what are you doing here? It’s late.”

Running his hand across his face, he sighed. “Can I come in? We need to talk.”

“Can’t it wait until a decent hour?” She yawned again and didn’t open the door any wider.

“If it could I wouldn’t be here, Latonya. Baby, please, just let me come in. I need to talk to you for a moment.” He realized that he was pleading, begging even. He knew he would drop to his knees if it would make a difference.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” Latonya said, pushing the door shut a little. “I know we need to talk. But not tonight.”

Carlton used his foot as a wedge and winced when she continued to close the heavy door.

Latonya looked down and stopped. “Now, why would you want to put your foot there? I said we could talk at another time. Go home! And move your foot.”

“I need to talk to you. You will have to slam that door on my foot to get me out of here. And even then, I would stay planted on this porch until you talked to me.”

He watched as she contemplated the very idea and breathed a sigh of relief when she opened the door instead.

“You’re lucky. I like your feet way more than I’m liking you right about now. I’ll give you five minutes to say whatever it is you feel you need to say.”

Trying to figure out the best place to start, the best way to make her know what was going on in his heart, Carlton stepped inside and started pacing the floor instead of sitting on the sofa with her. Finally, he stopped moving and looked at her. She eyed him with suspicion and he could tell that she had her guard up. Latonya didn’t trust him. He sat on the sofa, unable to look at the hurt in her eyes anymore, especially knowing that he’d put it there. “I’d hoped that things would work out for us, Tonya—”

She cut him off. “I know, but, Carlton, we can’t stay together for the kids’ sake. In the end, it would do them more harm than good. You don’t love me, Carlton.” Her voice faltered and she almost stopped speaking, but she continued. “I thought I could live with you and know that you would probably never love me, but I can’t. It hurts too much. You never acknowledged that you were wrong not to trust me. You kicked me out of our home. And you have never even apologized for any of it.”

Turning to face her, Carlton lifted her chin. Two tears trailed down her cheeks. “How can you say I don’t love you? I must have loved you from the moment I first saw you. I was so afraid of losing you that I married you before you could get away, married you hoping that one day you would come to love me.”

Wiping the tears from her cheek one by one, he continued, “Things were going so well between us. I even felt like you had feelings for me, feelings that went beyond the way I made you feel in bed. Then Grandfather called and told me that he saw you kissing Jeff Weatherby.” He stopped and let out a shuddering breath at the memory of that moment.

“When I rushed back from Barbados, the first thing I wanted to do was beg you not to throw our marriage away. But my pride made me push you away. When I thought I saw your betrayal with my own eyes, I kicked you out before you could leave me for him. I was trying to protect my heart, but I ended up ripping it out just as surely as if I’d done it with my own hands. When you disappeared, I was miserable. I hurt you and I will never be able to apologize to you enough for that. But I am sorry, baby. So very sorry.”

“How could you have believed that I would betray you like that? That’s what hurt so bad.” Latonya bit out the words forcefully and pulled her face away from his caress. “I thought if nothing else, you would have had more faith in me! No matter what your grandfather told you. You should have listened to my side.”

Carlton felt as if he was losing his entire world all over again. The hurt and anger in her voice cut him and he felt fear, regret and remorse seeping into the wound her words left behind. “I didn’t believe it then. I felt in my heart that you wouldn’t do that, but I couldn’t trust it. I went into self-preservation mode and ended up losing the best thing that ever happened to me. I ended up losing the only woman I ever loved. I’m sorry. I should have trusted you. I shouldn’t have kicked you out.”

“You loved me?” she asked tentatively.

“I still love you. I understand if you can’t forgive me, if you can never grow to love me. I won’t try to make you stay somewhere that you don’t want to be. As hard as it will be for me to let you go, I will.” He knew what he had to do so that his sons wouldn’t miss out on their mother’s love and attention as an everyday part of their lives. “I love you too much to see the hurt in your eyes, or to break your spirit by making you stay in a marriage you don’t want. You can have custody of the boys, all I ask is to be allowed open visitation and that you please don’t take them far away.”

Latonya folded her arms across her chest. “If you loved me, why didn’t you ever say it?”

“I honestly thought you knew. I thought the entire world could see it. And you never said it, either. I figured that given your past with your father, showing you how I felt would mean more in the long run.” If he had it to do over again he would tell her and show her that he loved her every day.

“You love me? But you’re letting me go?” Awe-struck, she whispered the words.

“Yes. It’s for the best. You’re my heart and I love you. But if you don’t love me, I’ll only end up making you miserable.”

“How can you love me when you never trusted me and you never told me that you loved me? I loved you so much. I kept thinking that it was only about lust and sex for you and that you were going to get tired of me eventually and move on. I guess my parents’ relationship colored my views. I didn’t expect what we had to last because their marriage failed. But I thought at least I’d have the memories and our son as a reminder of how much I loved you.”