Mary-Ellen's hands made a helpless flutter. "What do you expect me to say? Do I love him? What a question! We've been married nearly sixteen years. We have three children."
"Do you love him?"
"I did. I think maybe I still do ... but it's not so easy to tell anymore."
"He said you agreed to a divorce after he's re-elected."
"Yes."
"But why?" Kinsman asked. "Why are you letting him do this to you? Why are you taking it like this?"
"What else can I do? Wreck his career? Would that bring him back to me? Threaten him? Force him to stay with me? Do you think 1 want that?"
"What the hell do you want?"
"I don't know!"
"You're lying," Kinsman said. "You're lying to your- self."
Tears were brimming in her eyes. "Chet, leave me alone. Just go away and leave me alone. I don't want . . ." She could not say anything more; she broke down.
Kinsman took her in his arms and held her gently. "That's better. That's better. I know what it's like to hold it all inside yourself. It's better to let it come out. Let it all out."
"I can't . . ." Her voice was muffled, but the pain came through. "I shouldn't be bothering you . . ." 254
"Nonsense. That's what shoulders are for. Hell, we've known each other a long, long time. It's okay. You can cry on my shoulder anytime. Maybe if I'd had the sense to cry on yours when I needed to . . ."
She pulled slightly away, but not so far that he could no longer hold her.
"We have known each other a long time, haven't we?"
"All the way back to Philadelphia," he said.
"I've known you as long as I've known Neal."
"I was jealous as hell of him," Kinsman remembered.
"He ... he said I'm ... he said that I couldn't give love. That I'm incapable of it."
