“Yup. Only Edinburgh then London to go. Then it’s Lapland, which I’m actually psyched about. Then my work is done and I’m free.”

“You’re going to Lapland?” He’d said it in the casual way I’d say “the big Asda”.

“Didn’t you know? They added it on.”

“Perks, much?!?!” I said, making a mental note to google London cinema jobs for me and Grace.

“Not gonna lie, I think it helps when your parents are friends with the bosses.” Did he not understand that the main perk I got from my mum was her letting me off a forty-eight-day library fine? “They’re doing a big open-air screening at the” – he did air quotes – “‘home of Father Christmas’. Which, of course, definitely exists.”

“Sorry.” I hit my gloved hand down on the bench so hard that fake snow flew up. “One more time … you’re going to LAPLAND?” I sighed. “I really need to sort out what I’m doing with my life. Can I get your job when you head back to the States?”

“Travelling round the country with a flight of reindeer doesn’t exactly sound like a tough life.” What was he… OH, THAT’S WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT?! “I mean, it actually sounds like Santa’s life…”

Thank goodness he made a joke so I had time to get my face reactions back in order.

“Well y’know…” I said, though I didn’t know. “There’s a lot of…” I tried to think back to any of Billy’s videos. “Reindeer poo. And, er, feet clipping?” No, that wasn’t right. “Hooves! Hairy hooves.”

“OK, what’s worse – Elijah and a megaphone or reindeer poo?”

I weighed it up. “Tough, but I’m going ‘Elijah’. You know, I heard him pitching a story on ‘inside the mind of Stormy’s dogs’.” The journalist looked as confused as me.

“What would that even be…” Ru rubbed at his eyebrow, trying to figure it out. “Feed me? That butt smells nice?”

But this was a perfect opportunity! Grace wanted gossip, and gossip is what I could get. “So, come on then. If you’re backstage all the time, you must have some serious stories...?”

“Stories?” Ru looked up at me. The huge indoor lights made his brown eyes sparkle. Not that I noticed. Jingle Lady, Jingle Lady. I looked away. “I’m normally too busy removing popcorn from places it really shouldn’t be…”

“Oh, come on! Elijah’s always telling me what a nightmare everyone is. You must have seen something.” More silence. I could get the hint or … I could totally ignore it. “At least tell me if Maeseph are together?” Ru blinked, like I’d broken some kind of unwritten rule for people who worked here. “I won’t tell anyone if that’s what you’re worried about.” But I stopped. “Although, full disclosure, I would definitely a hundred per cent tell Grace, but she’s basically me.”

Ru looked at me. Really looked at me, like he was trying to figure me out.

“Honest answer? I haven’t seen anything. And even if I had, it’s not really my business.” Ouch. But he clocked that I looked like Sosig when he gets bopped on the nose. “Sorry, I’ve just seen it so much at work … the cinema. One rumour and suddenly the world thinks it fact. Like Taylor Swift’s twin.”

“Taylor has a twin?” That would make sense. She did achieve a LOT.

Ru chuckled. “Well, no, but … you get my point.” Fine. I’d just have to ask someone else. I did have Harry’s number now. “And talking of prolific genre-changing songwriters. Any news from your audition?”

I got it. We were changing the subject.

“I’m in the final two.” I did a little celebration dance. “So, the plan is to write some lyrics tonight and send them tomorrow. Then it’s wait and see time.”

“Awesome.” Ru looked impressed, which felt weirdly nice. No one other than Grace knew I wrote stuff. “You sound pretty chill about it?”

I cackled. “Sure, if ‘chill’ means checking WhatsApp every two and a half seconds.”

But before he could reply, his phone rang.

DAD.

Ru saw me looking, so he cut the call. His phone was as battered as Harry’s. And it was ringing again. He flicked mute on and pretended it wasn’t for at least two seconds that felt like one minute. This was like déjà vu.

“You should get that.” Why was he so weird about speaking to people? I mean, no one likes phone calls, but at least I could answer my dad.

“Nah. It’s nothing…” He didn’t look very happy for “nothing”.

But it was ringing again. He stood up, turning his back to me before he answered.

“Uh-huh.”

“Yup.”

“Sure.”

“OK … OK. It’s fine. I’ll see you at breakfast.”

It sounded more like a work call Mum took, rather than a family one. And when he sat back down he looked miles away.

“Everything OK?”

“Just work stuff. My parents never stop.” He sighed. “So, what were we saying…” There he was. Smiling. Back in the room. Well, fake London street.

“I think you were saying I was going to be more famous than Taylor Swift …’s twin.” I laughed.

“That was it! Seriously, though, maybe Elijah or Tim might have some good contacts? Now that the theme tune is trending. It’s top ten, right?” My stomach fell. Instead of disappearing into obscurity, that stupid song was just getting bigger and bigger?! After setting my face to neutral and having a silent scream, I tuned back in. “… He’s obsessed with getting all the cast in a new music video for it.” What? I thought that plan was top secret?! How many people had Elijah told? If Dad got even a whiff of it, it would be SO hard to get him to say no! Ru laughed. “Your face is telling me this isn’t a good idea.”

“Something like that.” But my mind was racing. This couldn’t happen. My family in a video with Joseph, Maeve and Stormy would make my life even worse than it had been before we moved. And that was before Elf Sheeran popped up to co-banjo with Mum! “…don’t suppose you know what they said?”

I tried to sound casual, and not like my life depended on it.

“A flat no, I think.”

PHEW?! I sighed so hard with relief that my fringe went vertical. “Thank GOODNESS.” Ru looked slightly puzzled by just how relieved I was. “What the world does not need is another terrible Christmas music video, right?”

“Can I make an observation? Forget what I said earlier, I’m not sure idyllic Christmas streets and festive hot drinks are doing much for your season’s cheer, oh Jingly Lady.”

He was right. I needed to get off this bench. But that’s when I noticed what books he’d put down.

Maths text books. A French vocab test book. Wow. This guy knew how to have fun on a Saturday night.

“You brought your school stuff with you?” I flicked the French book open. “La chauve-souris?” I paused. “Means bald mouse, apparently.” I couldn’t be bothered to elaborate that it’s what they called bats. “Have you got exams or something?”

“Something like that.” Argh. Excuse me while I face plant the fake hedge. He could be worse than me at straight answers. “Oh!” He reached into his pocket. “I forgot. THIS is why I came here.” He was holding my elf hat. “Elijah asked me to give you this. Figured it was a private joke or something to do with the fundraiser?”

“Something like that.” If he could dodge questions, so could I.

“He also asked me to take a photo with you in the photobooth.” Ru nodded towards the screen with the big “Say Cheese” button blinking away.

“Nah.” I shook my head. Ru didn’t need to know that I was already doing way more than enough for Elijah. “Although it did give me the idea for a DIY photobooth for Grampy G’s Grotto!” People could donate to use it? Then we’d only have another … £650 or so left to raise.