In fact, everyone was looking at me. And clapping.

“I said …” Ms Allen cleared her throat. “Let’s welcome up MOLLY BELL! Or as we now know her … LITTLE ELF GIRL!”

The blood drained from my body.

What was happening?!

I put a hand out, the room suddenly spinning.

Elf Girl, Elf Girl, Elf Girl.

I looked left, right, behind me. Everyone was chanting.

Was I walking to the stage?!

Elf Girl! Elf Girl! Elf Girl! The Year 7s were screaming.

This couldn’t be real?! But I was staggering along the hall towards the stage. And up the stairs.

Ms Allen pushed the mic into my hand. Was I really going to sing that stupid song? For the first time in seven years?

The music teacher played the opening chords.

I scanned the huge hall. All the faces I knew so well. Some smiling, some laughing, some excited to see how bad this would be. Simon was sneakily filming on his phone. Was this his doing?!

The students, the teachers, everyone was clapping along. Except for Zaiynab and Matt. They looked almost as shocked as me.

But then the big wooden door at the side of the hall swung open. And through it ran Grace. Her hands held up in a heart.

I smiled at her. Leant into the mic. Opened my mouth. And…

“I’m sorry, I can’t!” I spluttered. The piano immediately stopped. The clapping too. “But, happy Christmas!” Oh no. Was I crying? I was crying. “And Grace, you were amazing.” I sniffed, but I was too close to the mic and it echoed round the hall. “A-a-a-nd make sure you ask her for raffle tickets for the Sleigh Another Day auction for Grampy G.”

And that’s when I ran out.

I’d never made hundreds of people go silent before.

But I guess I could add that to my list of achievements for this year.

Make a complete fool of myself in front of entire school. TICK.

Bonus points for being bright red as I did it. TICK TICK.

Kiss goodbye to my dream of being part of The POWR. DING DING DING – JACKPOT.

I was running. Sprinting down the corridors, jumping down the stairs four at a time until I found the perfect place to hide. The tiny art room cupboard. It was packed with reindeer and tinsel but there was space for one small sad person. One small sad elf. One small sad elf who needed a proper big sob.

I only stopped ugly crying when Grace rang to check I was OK. I told her I was researching divorcing my family, changing my name and signing up for a one-way flight to Mars. And she said that was fine, and she’d always wanted to visit Mars anyway.

Which stopped me crying for a bit, so she tried to cheer me up with her big news. She’d been messaging Harry (which cheered me up quite a lot tbf) and he’d said yes to Grace’s ideas – asking Elijah if he could get one of the cast to donate a meet and greet as an auction prize. I said it sounded awesome. I didn’t say that I didn’t hold out much hope considering what he’d said about Maeve and Joseph hating press events. And I definitely didn’t say that thinking about Grampy’s Grotto and the mess I’d made had instantly dissolved any speck of cheer all over again. Instead I said bye and left messages for every single venue I hadn’t heard from and waited.

Waited until I couldn’t hear any more footsteps outside and the coast was clear.

But when I trudged outside, bags dangling off me in every direction, there was one person still there.

My mum. Pulled up by the gates. In Cara.

The passenger door was already open and for once, the Christmas lights weren’t turned on.

“Come on, you.” Mum leant over. “Grace rang me.” And for once I didn’t care if anyone saw me get in. My first ever lift home from school. She hugged me. “I promise no talk about Christmas, Christmas songs, or what just happened … OK?”

I smiled. Sometimes, when Mum wasn’t leading a banjo chorus or moving light-up reindeer a few inches towards our front door in the middle of the night like a reverse burglar, she knew exactly what to say. She let me sit in silence the whole way home.

And at dinner Mum and Dad didn’t say a word about how I wasn’t saying a word.

And they didn’t tell me to put my phone away as I checked for the millionth time to see if a venue had replied. Or if Zaiynab or Matt had been in touch. Or to get the latest song on the “I Wish Christmas Could Be Cancelled” playlist Ru was sending through track by track as I’d told him I was having a rubbish day.

And they didn’t say it was a bad time to start baking when I whisked up a batch of biscuits at ten p.m. And even Tess, who had finished uni for the holidays, didn’t comment when I got excused from chores so I could go and “tidy my room”. Which we all knew meant get in bed. And when I got there, Tess had put her iPad on my pillow, a hot chocolate by my bed with the chunk of chocolate from her advent calendar melting in it. As I clambered under the duvet, Billy ran in.

“I was going to wait to tell you but I hate waiting, so is it OK if I tell you now?” She looked super cute in her reindeer onesie, and jumped straight on top of me. I gave her a smile. None of this was her fault.

“Tell me what?”

She clapped her hands – and all around my bed, fairy lights lit up. “I did them today! And you can’t shout at me because they’re not Christmas lights. They’re just lights. Really small ones. And they make everything look amazing.”

They really did. I gave her the biggest cuddle and let her fall asleep nestled into me as I propped up my laptop on the other side and typed with one hand. She didn’t even wake up when a screaming Grace called to drop the bomb that Elijah had said that Joseph D Chambers had agreed to doing the meet and greet auction! Harry said that apparently he’d recently lost his grandma so it “struck a chord”. Elijah even said we could do it online to raise more money. Guess if he couldn’t get a press story about Joseph and Maeve dating this could be the next best thing?

But I wasn’t moaning – for the first time ever I felt we really could hit our fundraising target, and that thought powered me on to google even more potential venues, sending out email after email. But as my eyes started to dry, I had to be realistic. No one was going to reply at 1:07 a.m. Maybe I should sleep and get up early? Yes. Sleep. I closed my laptop and flicked a leg out of the duvet. Then sneaked my arm out from under Billy. Then rolled over. Then counted sheep.

Sheep … like in the stable with baby Jesus.

After Mary and Joseph couldn’t find room at the inn.

Like I CAN’T FIND A VENUE!

This was ridiculous.

I opened my laptop back up and carried on the hunt. If today had proved anything, it was that I’d been right all along – only one person at school liked me for being the real me. Only one person would be there for me no matter what. Grace. And there was NO WAY I was going to let her down, even if my eyes were leaking in protest at me still being awake.

I typed away, feeling like I was the only person awake in the world. Well, and Ru – who was now adding motivational you-can-stay-awake songs to the playlist.

But eventually I drifted off. Thoughts swirling that Ru was kind of awesome, even if it was Harry who had come through with a prize for Grampy G’s Grotto and not him.

Even if I was a Jingle Lady who was never going to see him again.

CHAPTER

15