“Yeah, I knew you’d seen. But ‘my fake on-screen girlfriend thought she was being funny’ was also not the greatest explanation at the time.”

Ha. That did explain it! And there was I thinking I was the only one making it up as I went along.

“Oh, and I couldn’t say earlier, but Maeve thought the whole red-carpet thing was hilarious. Got her out of wearing a dress she hated and hanging out with Stormy, so if you told her it was you, you’d have a friend for life.”

Jay as my date. Maeve as my friend.

Someone help. I am DECEASED.

But Jay was looking at me, so I had to rein in my breakdown.

“She did seem really nice when we hung out?”

“You hung out?” He looked confused.

“Yeah, that night in Edinburgh.”

“No way.” He scratched his head. “She asked me to join, but I was annoyed I’d messed things up with you so went back to my hotel.”

I had to laugh. Maeve had said Joseph was in a mood, but I really had no idea it was anything to do with me. I was going to need a long lie down to deal with all of this. Like maybe for a year.

“So why do the headlines always say you’re together?”

They would make a great couple. And hadn’t Grace said there were rumours about him and loads of amazing celebs? Ewww. I tried to push the thought away.

Ru shrugged. “No idea. Probably because Elijah wishes it was true. If I hear one more thing about ‘leaning into some loved-up headlines being the best thing for the film and my career’.” He tutted. “He’s ob-sessed! Although, between us, apparently there is a new girl Maeve’s really into and she’s being very secretive and un-Maeve about it. But you didn’t hear it from me.”

“Imagine the donation Elijah would make to the fundraiser for that info…” I grinned, but Ru looked worried. “Don’t worry, your secret is safe. Well, although, sort of legally, as a best friend, I have to tell Grace.”

“I think Harry knows too.”

“Sorry? You’ve met Harry Styles?”

Ru snorted.

OMG. I’ve seen a movie star snort. “I meant Harry from Grace and Harry. But sure, good to know how your mind works.” Ru shook his head. I bet his famous friends didn’t do things like this.

“So, you and Harry are friends?”

“Yeah, although Harry has no idea we’ve been hanging out. I knew he’d hate having to cover for me. So when he and Elijah asked about doing that meet and greet for the fundraiser, I figured out it was the one for Grampy G and, thanks to your dad, I knew you were the best mate ‘Molly’ he mentioned, so I said yes.” So that’s why Joseph D Chambers had broken his rule of not doing press?! He scrunched his nose. It was probably insured for twelve billion dollars. “And when Elijah called to say earlier it was going to be with you, it got even better!”

He knew?!

“But I just cancelled it?”

“That’s when I knew you were even more awesome than I thought. Not many people turn down exclusive ‘intimate meals’ to hang out with an awkward American guy who likes Elvis conspiracy theories and overly descriptive hot drink reviews.”

My brain was doing the brain-equivalent of the spinning computer wheel of death.

All these years I hadn’t let anyone get to know the real me. I’d been so focused on making sure no one knew anything about me. And now I’d let someone in. And that someone was Joseph D Chambers. And he was saying me, Molly Embarrassing-Elf Bell, with no secrets left to hide, was … awesome?!

This was a mistake, wasn’t it?

“I’m sorry, Jay… This is just a lot. Like, a lot a lot.” I didn’t know what to think. If the last day of term had been hard, how full on would it be if people discovered I’d been hanging out with the star of the film? “Maybe even, I dunno … too much.”

“I get it. No pressure.” Jay sighed, picking up on my folded arms. But was I doing to him exactly what people had done to me? Treating him differently because of something that wasn’t anything to do with who he really was? “Although, kinda wish I was Kyle the usher right now.” He looked me dead in the eye. “Because, for the record, can I say that for once in my life I’ve met someone that I really like. I really like. Who makes me laugh, makes me share stuff I’ve never shared? Makes me vibe about Christmas.” He pointed to his reindeer badge.

“And for clarity…”

“Yup. That person is you.”

“But you saw me in my sister’s dressing gown?”

“And that’s exactly WHY it’s you!”

And I liked him. And finding out who he really was shouldn’t change that, should it?

“Grace is going to freak.”

“Think she might already be…” He nodded down, the words JOSEPH D CHAMBERS still pinging on my phone every few seconds, only broken up with photos of her doing her tongue-out-fake-dead face.

“Can we pretend you’re not seeing that?” I bet this would never happen to Maeve.

“We can.”

“And can we also pretend that man isn’t taking photos?” I pointed outside to where a man was crouched, pointing up a long lens camera. Jay instinctively flicked his collar up and turned his shoulders away. The saddest thing was, he wasn’t even bothered. My end of term entertainment had been bad enough for me. But this was his life. I stood in front of Jay and waved. Big double arm wave. And jumped about. “If you want a photo with Elf Girl,” I shouted at the window, posing in all kinds of shapes. “Just ask.”

After flicking a heavy variety of swears with his hand, the photographer walked off.

“And I refer back to when I said you’re epic…” Jay smiled. But we were stuck. Neither of us sure what should happen next. “So…”

“Sooo….” I replied.

“Thanks to him, if we walk out, I can already see the headline.”

I filled in the blanks “Joseph D Chambers… Why do they always say all the bits of your name by the way?”

He shrugged.

“Dunno, Molly N Bell. But you’re right.”

I finished off my thought. “Joseph D Chambers walks out of own film. Elijah would kill you.”

“You’re not wrong. And it’s Christmas box office in a few days, and I’ve never seen him so … well … Elijah.”

“Well, in that case…” A burst of “Love Your Elf!” drifted in from the film. “If you’re up for it. How about we just go back in?”

“You really want to do that?” Jay looked like he couldn’t tell if I was joking. It was like he had no idea how much I liked him.