Even my dad, who once called Harry Styles “Barry”, knew who Maeve was. She’d been in all the biggest, funniest films of the last few years – and now here she was, in real life!
“Do humans really look like that?” I stared as Maeve signed autographs, chatted effortlessly to her fans and pulled silly faces in selfies. In her long sparkly green dress she looked like a mermaid. But even more magical. “I swear she’s…”
“Glowing,” Grace finished off for me. “Apparently she’s having a thing with Joseph, so if you spot ANYTHING tell me. IMMEDIATELY.”
But I didn’t have time for gossip. I was too busy plummeting into a full-on wallow in my own despair. I yanked my ponytail out and scraped my fingers through my long bob, my wavy hair sticking out where the band had been.
“This was a bad idea, wasn’t it?” I mumbled to myself. Instead of feeling invisible in it, I felt like I was sticking out like a sore thumb.
“NEXT!” Clipboard Man yelled. Wah! We were at the front?! “I need to see those wristbands. Especially yours.” He peered at me like I was something that once gave him food poisoning. “We haven’t got all day.”
I instinctively put my arm around Billy to protect her from his extreme grump. But she wriggled free and stuck her wristband out.
“I’m Billy!” she said, hopping around with such energy her sequins jiggled. “This is my family! And Grace. But she’s family really. We wrote the theme song. OF THE WHOLE FILM.”
I didn’t nod. I wasn’t ready to confirm or deny anything.
But like Billy was some kind of horse-loving Christmas witch, the live band started playing “Love Your Elf!”. Billy shrieked so loudly Clipboard Man cowered behind his board. Which was an error as Bil spotted the gap, ducked under the barrier and sprinted on to the red carpet. Clipboard Man might be good at stopping burly adults, but he was no match for my little sister. With a heavy huff of disgust, he unclipped the thick black rope.
“Somebody stop that child, please!”
Tess, Mum and Dad hurried off – but my feet wouldn’t shift.
“I’ll be here every step of the way.” Grace took my hand. “… Unless of course Joseph D Chambers turns up, in which case it’s every man for himself, but let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.”
Grace smiled. Her big, warm smile. And I remembered why I was doing this. Because for the first time in almost a year it really felt like Grace was beginning to get some of her happiness back. I was just going to have to dodge every camera and not get too close to my family in case anyone thought we were related. Easy, right?!
“Well, in that case…” I pulled my hood up and stepped out. All I had to do was walk. Fast. Then watch the film. Go back to the hotel. Go home. And live my life in hermit peace.
“Mol!” Mum yelled. “Over here…” My family had gathered together, protecting Billy from the cameras because she was only six. Oh no, they were clapping as she did a full dance routine to “Love Your Elf!” complete with trotting about on all fours. And was that man thrusting a microphone in Mum’s direction?
“Quick question for BTV news?” This was being filmed? “We’re going live in thirty.”
Thirty seconds?!
Until me, my family and my dancing sister-horse were live ON THE TELEVISION.
I pictured Zaiynab and Matt watching back home.
And then I pictured … everyone else in the world also watching it.
I dropped Grace’s hand. And ran. No idea where but I had to get away. Far, far away.
The yells from Mum and Dad blurred into the shouts of the crowd as I sprinted past a line of staff wearing gingerbread outfits. I had to get off this stupid carpet!
I didn’t care if I was grounded for life and had to share a room with Billy for eternity! She’d probably be travelling the world doing competitive reindeer jumping anyway.
I had to get out of here!
But the stupid carpet was stretching on and on! I ran even faster. Head down, hoodie up. Past the step and repeat interview area. Past the cameras.
Past the celebs no one recognized hanging around hoping to get interviewed.
Past the crowds leaning over the barriers, waving posters and cheering.
Where was the end?!
I turned the corner (who knew red carpets could have corners?). Phew! There were the cinema doors.
But no. Oh no! There was Dermot Crown – an influencer with millions of followers, who posted funny edits of celebrity fails. There was no WAY I could sprint past him. It could be a fate worse than Elf Girl! There was nothing for it. With a final burst of speed, I swung off the carpet and raced into the doorway of the giant gingerbread house.
But instead of it being empty, it was packed.
OOF.
I ran slap-bang into a guy wearing a Sleigh Another Day sweater.
“Are you here for the Maeve meet and greet?” He hugged me. “Maevenators rule! Or are you a Maeseph like me?” I just stared at him. “If I saw Maeve and Joseph together today. Like together together. CAN YOU IMAGINE?” He fanned his face. “S-actual-woooon.” I swallowed, trying to catch my breath. “Can you hold this while I fix my hair?” What. Was. Happening?! He thrust the handle of a sign into my hand. “Don’t want to meet Queen Maeve with this hedge on my head.” Was that a bark? And his hair looked fine. Great actually. AND WHAT WAS HAPPENING? “Do you think she’ll pose for photos…” But he didn’t finish because he broke into a scream. “SHE’S HERE!!!!!!!”
“No cameras!” a gruff security guard shouted as the crowd pushed forward. But I was facing the wrong way. And clinging on to a sign. And losing grip on reality?! My feet hardly touching the floor, I got swept backwards.
But then I saw it. A side door out of the house and into the cinema, next to where a stressed-looking person clutching an iPad was hanging on to Stormy’s dogs. If I could squeeze through the crowd, I could slip out and into the safety of the cinema. Finally! A glimmer of hope! Keeping my head down I pushed through the cheering fans, using the massive sign to part them. It worked!
I made my way out into cinema. With no cameras. No fuss. No drama.
Or … not.
What actually happened was, as I pushed through the crowd, something bashed at my pocket, making me spin round … to discover one of Stormy’s dogs jumping up at me, growling, its jaw clamped on to my pocket. It was trying to get one of Billy’s leftover sausage rolls! Which would have been OK if the other dogs hadn’t joined in – and so, instead of running out the door, I tripped forward in a tangled mess of diamanté leads. In a desperate attempt not to cement my place in history as “girl who murdered Stormy’s dogs by staking it through the head with a giant wooden sign”, I jabbed the sign forward in front of me to stop me falling.
