“Couldn’t it be because he’s embarrassed? Don’t forget you rebuffed his advances and then tried to kill yourself. That’s not a boost to anyone’s ego. And didn’t you tell me Jonah bought the life insurance policy right after Amelia was born? A lot of men feel a huge weight of responsibility when their first child is born. Buying the policy may just have been his way of dealing with it.”
“What about the flash drive? Why password protect it and hide it somewhere no one would ever think to look if it’s meaningless?”
“I add passwords to all my drives and devices. It’s basic digital security.”
“Because you’re a doctor and your files contain confidential information.”
“You’re a lawyer. Don’t your files contain confidential information? Jonah was an accountant. Didn’t his files contain confidential information? To go from a file contains confidential information to someone is willing to kill for it is quite a leap.”
“Then what about the break-in? Is that a leap too?”
“From what you told me, you were carrying the flash drive in your purse for days. Wouldn’t the person who wanted to steal it know that?”
“No, why would they know that? I never said I thought someone was following me.”
“Well, isn’t it just as likely? If someone was following you, would you even know? And if someone really did break into your house to steal the flash drive and they didn’t find it, wouldn’t the next logical place to look for it be your office? Have you had a recent break-in at your office too?”
“No, but we have a lot of security at the office. My aunt made me set all that up before I rented the place.”
Dr. Rubenstein sighed. “Grace, all I’m saying is there’s no reason to think the file on that flash drive is somehow connected to Jonah and Amelia’s death.”
“Then why did Alex say all that stuff to me about the Russian mob and warn me I had to get the flash drive out of the house?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. But why do you suddenly trust Alex? You never used to. What’s changed, other than that he’s telling you what you want to hear?”
“You think I want to hear that my brother-in-law works for the Russian mob?”
“I think you want to hear that Jonah and Amelia died for a reason; that it wasn’t just bad luck. And that’s completely normal, Grace. Human beings like to feel like we have control over our lives. We hate uncertainty. Think of all the ball players who believe in lucky socks or shorts or jerseys. Do you really think it’s their clothes that make them win games?”
I could feel the tears prickling my eyes, but I kept them at bay. “No.”
“Neither do I, but those ball players do. People would rather embrace a lie than accept life’s uncertainty.”
“But this isn’t about lucky socks. It’s a spreadsheet filled with passwords. A hidden flash drive—”
“Hidden or lost? Isn’t it just as likely the flash drive fell out of Jonah’s pocket when he was refilling the diaper caddy than he purposely hid it there? Maybe even more likely?”
“It was taped to the bottom! You think it fell in there with the tape attached?”
She shrugged, as if to say maybe.
“What about Jake sneaking into my house? I know he looked through Jonah’s desk. The chair was still warm when I sat in it.”
Dr. Rubenstein shook her head. “You don’t know that, Grace. Yes, maybe the chair was warm because Jake sat in it. Or maybe it was warm because it was sitting in the sun. I can tell you if I leave those blinds open all day—” she nodded at the window behind me “—the couch you’re sitting on gets warm too.”
She was looking for reasons not to believe me. “Then why was Jake there?” I folded my arms across my chest and glared at her, daring her to come up with yet another excuse.
“Have you considered perhaps Jake came to your house that day because he was missing Jonah too? Maybe being at Jonah’s house, sitting in Jonah’s chair, looking through Jonah’s desk, maybe all those things made him feel close to Jonah. And maybe, being who he is, Jake was too embarrassed to admit that to you.”
“And fucking Jonah’s wife? Did he want to do that to make him feel closer to Jonah too?”
Dr. Rubenstein sighed but didn’t answer me. Instead, she said, “I’m sorry, but our time is up.”
Me walking out of Dr. Rubenstein’s office in tears was not unusual. What was unusual was feeling like she was gaslighting me. Yes, I knew there were alternative explanations for each piece of evidence I offered up. But offering up alternative theories is what defense attorneys did every day—and their clients still got convicted. It was the quantity of circumstantial evidence that swayed juries. And it was the quantity of these seeming coincidences that was swaying me.
At this point, there was only one person I wanted to talk to—the only one I knew who would believe me.
Chapter 26
I drove directly from Dr. Rubenstein’s office to the Winston Academy. The car pick-up line snaked outside the school gate and around the block. I parked across the street and texted MJ. Want a ride?
He texted back immediately with a thumbs up emoji. R U in line?
No, across the street.
Minutes later MJ appeared at the passenger-side window of my car. “How come you came to pick me up?” he asked as he hopped in. He usually walked from his school to the bus stop, then rode the city bus to my office.
“I was in the neighborhood. Hungry?”
MJ smiled and we both laughed. MJ had never answered that question with anything but an affirmative response. “In-N-Out okay?”
“Hell, yeah.”
The In-N-Out parking lot was full, as usual, so I joined the drive-through line. While we inched forward, I asked MJ about his day, his classes, Sofia, Tim and Richard, and baby Aaron. I received the usual combination of “fine,” “I dunno,” and shoulder shrug. Then I asked, “How’s your uncle?”
That elicited raised eyebrows. “Uncle Alex?”
“Do you have any other uncles?”
