“You mean have another child?” I asked.
“Yes.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“You should. You’re a good mom.”
I let out a laugh. “I don’t know about that. Feeding kids ice cream in the middle of the day? I think they kick you out of the Good Mommy Club for that.” I could think of several mothers from the Mommy & Me group I used to take Amelia to who would be appalled at how much junk food I let MJ and Sofia consume.
Alex didn’t laugh. He sounded angry. “You’re a better mother to those kids than Maria ever was. They should be living with you, not the gays.”
I let the slur pass without comment because I didn’t want to have that argument in front of the kids. “You know that’s not possible.”
“No. Why isn’t it possible?”
I stared at Alex. I’d assumed MJ had told him the reason, but maybe not. I lowered my voice so the kids wouldn’t hear and said, “Because according to the State of California, I’m not currently fit to be a parent.”
“You’re not fit to be a parent?” he said incredulously. “What’d you do? Kill a puppy?”
“No, I did not kill a puppy! How could you even think such a thing?”
“Well, you must’ve done something pretty bad, if they think you’re unfit. And I didn’t say you killed the dog on purpose. I was thinking maybe you ran it over with your car.”
“No, I did not run over a puppy.”
“Then what did you do?”
I lowered my voice again. “I attempted suicide. I was unsuccessful. Obviously.”
“Oh,” Alex said, then stared straight ahead over the top of Aaron’s fuzzy scalp.
“It happened before I met MJ,” I continued. “That’s why Aunt Maddy had to be the kids’ foster parent instead of me. The State won’t let me.”
We were silent for the rest of the walk to the park. When we were still half a block away the kids heard the ice cream man’s bell and they raced ahead. I ran to catch up with them, leaving Alex and Aaron behind.
I paid for Sofia’s strawberry popsicle, Ethan’s chocolate covered cone, and Makeyla’s ice cream sandwich and accompanied them to a low cement wall where a group of other children congregated eating their own ice creams.
When Alex arrived a few minutes later he asked me if I wanted ice cream too. I didn’t, and neither did he. Then I glanced around the playground and spotted a bench a couple with a squirmy toddler had just vacated. I hustled over to it before another parent could snag it and motioned for Alex to join me. He sat down on the opposite end, his legs spread wide, a sleeping Aaron resting between them.
I said, “The reason I wanted to talk to you again is because I need your help.”
Chapter 28
Alex didn’t respond. He continued to stare straight ahead, pretending to watch the kids playing on the climbing structure.
“Don’t you want to know what I need your help with?” I asked.
“No.”
“It has to do with the flash drive,” I said, undeterred.
Alex blew air out his nose and gripped the bench. “I told you to get rid of it.”
“No, you told me to get it out of the house. At least, that’s the message MJ gave me. And I did. It’s somewhere safe.”
“Where?”
“The bank. I put it in my safe deposit box.”
Alex laughed.
“What’s so funny?”
He shook his head but didn’t reply.
“Can I please tell you what I found on it?”
“I think you’re going to tell me anyway.”
He was right about that. “I’d rather show you.”
“You’re gonna sneak me into the bank and take me to your safe deposit box?” He laughed again.
I didn’t get the humor in safe deposit boxes, but obviously he did. “No, I downloaded the file onto my laptop.”
Alex stopped laughing and turned to face me. “Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck were you thinking?”
Aaron stirred but didn’t wake. However, the half dozen parents within earshot turned and stared at us. “Keep your voice down,” I hissed.
