“Okay,” MJ said and shut the fridge door. Then he shouted upstairs for Sofia, who appeared at the bottom of the staircase in a light pink leotard and matching tights. “Get your shoes on. Grace is taking us to see Mama.”

Sofia waved at me and ran back up the steps.

I turned to Richard, who gave me a meaningful look. He hadn’t come out and asked me to foster MJ and Sofia again, but I was sure that was his intention. MJ must not have told him or Tim about my suicide attempt either. The kid sure knew how to keep a secret.

Chapter 41

Maria was waiting for us on a picnic bench at the entrance to the park. She looked better today than she had the last time I’d seen her at the Wellstone Center. She’d gained a little weight and her skin was less sallow.

As soon as Sofia saw her mother, she sprinted to her and hugged her around the waist. MJ approached Maria too, but more slowly and he only gave her a quick peck on the cheek. I joined them but kept a few feet of distance between us. I didn’t know if Maria remembered me, so I reintroduced myself. “We met at the Wellstone Center.”

“Yes.” Her reply wasn’t unfriendly, but it didn’t invite conversation either.

I pointed to a bench across from the swings. “I’ll be over there if you need me.”

She nodded and returned her attention to her kids.

I tried not to make it too obvious I was watching them. I kept my phone in my hand and occasionally glanced down at it as I studied their interactions. When it came to Sofia, Maria acted like any other doting mother. She pushed her daughter on the swing and followed her around as she played on the climbing structure. Her interactions with MJ were more stilted, but I blamed him. MJ spent most of the visit standing next to her with his arms folded across his chest and a sour expression on his face. I thought about saying something to him but didn’t think I should interfere. I was supposed to be supervising this visit, not orchestrating it.

When the hour was up, I joined them and told them it was time to go. Sofia clung to her mother, but MJ seemed relieved. Maria whispered something to Sofia in Spanish, but whatever she told her didn’t calm her. Sofia cried all the way back to the car.

“It’s okay, Sofia,” MJ said. “We’ll see Mama again next week.”

That didn’t stop her tears either. I felt so helpless I offered the only thing I could think of to make her happy. “Who wants ice cream?”

That cheered her up.

Tim and Richard and baby Aaron were sitting on a blanket on the front lawn when I pulled up with MJ and Sofia. Instead of just dropping them off, which had been my intention, I parked and walked them to the house.

“Who’s taking me to dance class?” Sofia asked.

Richard glanced at his watch. “I will. Go get your stuff.”

Sofia ran into the house and MJ followed her. But when Sofia reappeared a minute later with a pink ballerina bag slung over her shoulder, MJ wasn’t with her. Richard and Sofia left, and I sat down on the blanket with Tim and the baby.

“Richard told me he told you,” Tim said, his voice low. Maybe he was concerned MJ was lurking somewhere he could overhear us.

“Yes,” I replied as I dangled the colorful plastic keys above Aaron’s head. He stared at them but was still too young to reach for them.

“What do you think?” he asked.

I tried to be diplomatic. “You need to do what you think is best. If that means no more fostering then—”

“Not about that.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “Do you think you’d want to foster MJ and Sofia again?”

I sighed. I wasn’t prepared for this conversation. “I don’t know. I need to talk to my aunt.”

“We just thought since you obviously still care about them…”

“I know,” I whispered, “but it’s not that simple.”

“To be honest, we never really understood why you gave them up in the first place.”

When I didn’t respond, Tim continued. “I asked MJ once, but he wouldn’t say. Richard thought maybe there’d been some sort of incident.”

I could only imagine what he was thinking. “No, nothing like that.” I took a deep breath and continued. “To make a long story short, it was my aunt who wanted to give them up. Not because she didn’t bond with them, but the opposite. She became very attached to Sofia, and when their mother resurfaced and wanted to regain custody, my aunt couldn’t deal with it. She thought if she had to give them up it was better to cut ties sooner rather than later.”

“That’s always a possibility when you foster,” Tim said. “But you know that going in.”

“Yes, but this was our first time fostering and we weren’t emotionally prepared. My aunt only agreed to take them in on an emergency basis because I asked her to. The whole thing was my idea.”

“And they won’t let you foster alone because you’re a single parent? That seems very shortsighted.”

I shook my head. I really didn’t want to have to tell him about my suicide attempt. “It’s more than just that.”

“I understand it’s harder as a single parent,” he continued. “I could never do this alone. But, Grace, unlike most of us, you can afford to hire help.”

Tim waited for me to explain. When I didn’t, he said, “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable sharing.”

I laughed. “Except you really want me to.”

Tim laughed too. “Of course, I want you to! Richard and I have been trying to figure this out since the day we met you.”

“And what have you come up with? Surely you must have a theory.”

“Well, like I said, at first we thought something bad must’ve happened, but MJ denied it. And as we got to you know better, we really couldn’t picture it. Now Richard thinks you don’t want the responsibility, that you want your freedom.”

“Is that what you think too?” I asked.

“No. I think that’s what Richard wants.”

We both laughed.

Tim hesitated then said, “I think the real reason is you only want MJ, not Sofia too.”

I stared down at the blanket.

“That’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Tim continued. “Not everyone is as crazy as I am and wants a bunch of kids. My husband, for example. He thinks one is plenty.”

“That’s not it,” I said. “I should’ve tried harder with Sofia though. It’s just that when I’m with her, I can’t help thinking of Amelia. And my aunt was so good with her, I gave myself permission to step back. That’s still no excuse.”

Tim reached for my hand. “No one blames you, Grace. It’s completely understandable.”

“To you, maybe.”

“To everyone,” Tim said. “And MJ didn’t want to be separated from Sofia?”

I shook my head. “But it wouldn’t have mattered anyway because that’s not why they don’t live with me.” I stared at his expectant face. “They wouldn’t approve me. That’s why it had to be my aunt.”