THE NIGHT SHE DIES
Friday 3rd May
Jess
Jess scrabbles around for her phone. She knows it’s on the duvet somewhere, but she’s too tired to sit up and look for it. Pulling that stunt with Lucy Rose’s sports bag, then getting bawled out by Munroe, has left her exhausted. Eventually her fingers graze over the cool glass screen. ‘She’ll just block you like she did me,’ she warns her sister as she scrolls through for Lucy’s contact details.
‘Just read out her number,’ Amber orders from the bottom bunk. She’s not even trying to pretend they’re equals this evening, and Jess feels a mix of anger and anxiousness. Amber was her usual sassy self when they went back to class after lunch, but she was different when they met up after school. Quieter. Which is never a good sign with Amber.
‘Lucy Rose will meet us tonight, trust me,’ Amber adds.
Jess rises up from her pillow and curls over the bed frame until she can see her sister. But her expression gives nothing away. ‘Why are you so sure?’
Amber tilts her head to meet Jess’s eye. ‘Because I found something in her school bag. Something important. At first I thought it could be bad for us, but then I realised it’s an opportunity. A chance to show Sean what I’m capable of.’
Jess curls back onto her mattress and stares at the ceiling. Her and Amber’s lives have never been good, or stable, or secure. There was time with their mum and Tyler, then a blur of temporary foster homes, followed by Lou and Justin’s, and now this place. But throughout it all, there have been moments when they’ve been able to forget about all that. Amber dressing up in Lou’s high heels and model-walking down a pretend catwalk. Jess feeding her entire meal to the neighbour’s visiting cat without Justin noticing, until the cat gave her away by throwing up on the carpet.
Maybe they’ve got too old, but that kind of fun doesn’t feel possible anymore.
With a sense of defeat, she reads out Lucy’s phone number and listens to Amber tapping on her phone. ‘What are you saying?’
‘Telling her what I’ve got. And to meet us at ten if she wants it back. We’ll be busy before then – I don’t even reckon we’ll have chance to show our faces at youth club tonight, because I promised two Year Thirteens that I’d sort them out in the rec before that big party, and I want to hang around the birthday girl’s house for a bit too, try to make a little extra cash. I’ll message Bill saying we’re back home – they’ll be in bed by then and won’t check – and then we’ll meet Lucy. It’ll be fully dark by ten too.’
‘She’s already petrified of you. I can’t see anything being important enough for her to risk coming out for.’
‘She’ll come,’ Amber says, staring at her phone. ‘And she’ll have the bottle of vodka I’ve told her to bring. And that’s all you need to know for now.’
Jess bites her lip. But it’s always been this way, she reminds herself: Amber putting herself in charge. Treating Jess like a toy she can play with. It’s too late to kick up a fuss now. ‘What about Caden?’ she asks. When she met her sister at the bus stop on Wednesday night to walk back home, Amber couldn’t stop talking about him.
‘I don’t know. I’m kind of getting the ick.’
Jess feels a sudden spasm in her chest. She rolls back over her bed frame, looks down. ‘I thought you were totally into him?’
‘He’s too needy. Keeps going on about how beautiful I am and stuff. He reckons he’s going to try and gate-crash that party with some mates. If I see him, I might finish it. I don’t think Sean liked him either.’
Jess stares at Amber. Why does someone so heartless get Charli D’Amelio looks? It’s obvious now that her thing with Caden was just about making Sean jealous. Jess wonders again what Sean’s power is, why Amber is so enthralled by him. She wishes it was something romantic like chemistry, but deep down she knows it’s more depressing than that. That it’s because he’s dangerous.
A buzzing noise interrupts her thoughts. Then the sound of Amber typing.
‘What are you saying?’ Jess asks. ‘Is she going to meet you?’
‘Shit, she’s calling me,’ Amber says. ‘She must be crapping herself.’
Jess wonders again what Amber has of Lucy’s, but she doesn’t ask. She’s done with being patronised by her sister. Instead, she listens to Amber’s one-word answers. ‘So?’ she asks when Amber finishes the call.
‘We’re meeting her at ten,’ Amber says. ‘On the track that goes up to the Ridgeway. By the double gates next to the railway line.’ She unfolds from the bottom bunk and walks over to the mirror. ‘Better put some make-up on. This is stacking up to be an interesting night.’
‘What do you mean I can’t go out?!’ Jess squeals. ‘It’s Friday. We’ve got youth club!’
‘Yes, I know,’ Molly says, trying to pretend she feels bad about it. ‘But you’re grounded, remember? For trying to steal that bottle of wine from Mr and Mrs Gilbey.’
‘Oh for fuck’s sake.’ Anger flares in Jess’s belly. Amber might get to treat her like shit, but Molly doesn’t. ‘I didn’t steal the fucking wine!’
‘Right, that’s enough,’ Bill says, taking a step forward, protecting his wife like he thinks he’d stand a chance. ‘You don’t speak to Molly like that. I want you to go to your room until you’ve calmed down.’
‘No,’ Jess spits out. ‘I’m going out.’ She folds her arms, glares at him. If he touches her now, she will swing for him, show Amber that she can be tough too. But it’s her sister’s hand that rests on her forearm.
‘She’s really sorry,’ Amber says, taking a micro step forward, the honey voice back. ‘But Jess was never going to steal that bottle. I dared her to grab it, just to see if she could. We were always going to put it back. But then the old man from your church saw her, and got the wrong impression, and, well, you know the rest.’
Jess looks at her sister. How can she be like this? Horrible one minute, then having Jess’s back the next? Indecision hovers on Molly’s face. Jess wills the old lady to relent.
‘It’s good of you to stand up for your sister, Amber,’ Bill says, stepping in again. ‘And I can see how that situation might have occurred. But there’s no excuse for swearing at Molly. And you girls need to learn that if we dish out a punishment, we follow through with it. It’s just one Friday night, Jess. You can watch TV with Molly and me or hang out in your room.’
Jess and Amber share a look. But for the first time, Jess can’t decipher her sister’s silent message. Does she want Jess to sneak out? She’s done it before. Or is this the night that Amber stops needing Jess’s help with her plans? Has Jess blindly become such dead weight that Amber doesn’t want to be dragged down anymore?
Either way, she needs to lower the temperature in the room. ‘Okay, fine,’ she manages. ‘And, um, sorry for swearing at you, Molly.’
‘That’s okay, love.’ Molly gives her a relieved smile.
‘Will you stay in with your sister, Amber?’
‘I would, but I promised Ellen that I’d braid her hair at youth club,’ Amber lies. ‘And we’re making up sweet bags for the fun day on Monday, I think.’
‘Of course, love. That will be fun.’ Molly looks at her watch. ‘My goodness, it’s coming up eight o’clock. You better be going.’
‘Thanks, Molly. I’ll text you when I’m back, but I’ve got my keys, so don’t wait up. See ya, Jess.’ Amber winks at Jess – somewhere between conspiratorial and triumphant – then waltzes out of the back door.
‘Want to watch Gardener’s World with us, Jess?’
