His head jerks. ‘What truth?’
I sigh. ‘I’ve no idea. But I think Amber stealing Bronwen’s letter was the main issue.’
‘I wonder what it says,’ Matt murmurs, sliding the heel of his hand across his forehead. ‘For it to matter so much.’
I feel awkward, divulging Lucy and Bronwen’s secret, but it’s better that Matt knows, so I tell him about the kiss, and the feelings Bronwen admitted to. How Lucy naturally wanted it to stay private between them.
He’s quiet for a while, taking it in. ‘I wish she’d told us,’ he says eventually. I want to ask whether he’s talking about Lucy kissing Bronwen, or about Amber finding out about it, but his voice is so heavy with regret that I don’t say anything. He’s been telling me not to worry since Saturday morning, getting cross that I could suspect my own children. Seeing him like this, the realisation of the predicament we’re in, has taken that safety net away and I feel like I’m falling.
‘I need to tell you how we got the video,’ I murmur.
‘Go on.’ His expression is calm, clinical now. He’s always been better at self-control than me.
‘Jess emailed it to Lucy. She wrote that she saw Lucy kill Amber – which Lucy has promised can’t be true – but she wants money.’
Matt’s eyes narrow. ‘Blackmail?’
I nod. Tears are rolling down my face now. ‘She wants ten thousand pounds. Dropped in a bin up by Kiln Lakes at midnight tonight. Jesus, just saying that feels surreal, like I’m in an American cop show or something.’
‘Ten grand?’ He sounds relieved, like Milla did. ‘At least that’s doable I suppose,’ he continues.
‘Doable? A girl has been murdered, Matt! Her sister thinks Lucy did it. And Lucy could well have been the last innocent person to see Amber alive. And she’s lied to the police about it!’
‘Look, I get that things aren’t good. But if she was asking for fifty grand, or a hundred, we wouldn’t be able to pay it. And then Lucy’s future would be entirely in that girl’s hands. But ten grand means we have options. We can get it out of the bank this afternoon, do the drop, and at least we’ll be in with a chance of the problem going away.’ His expression sours. ‘Although I do see that we only have Jess’s word for it that she won’t post the video somewhere anyway. It’s not like we can demand the original with everything in the cloud these days.’
As Matt falls silent, I replay Milla’s suggestion from Wednesday night, and wonder if I could sink that low, if protecting my family trumps every moral code I’ve ever lived by.
‘Milla had an idea about that,’ I start slowly, my voice already cracking. ‘She thought we could include a note with the money, a threatening one.’
‘You think we can scare her into silence?’
Shame burns my cheeks. Colleen trusted me with the girls’ background, and now I’m using their trauma to my advantage. Is this because I love my child so much? Can I hide behind something as honourable as that? Or is this just ruthless determination that my family survives above anyone else? ‘Yes,’ I admit quietly. ‘If we say you’ll hurt her if she breaks her promise about the video. Her mum was a victim of domestic violence, so Jess knows what men are capable of.’
‘That boy’s accusation – the police investigation is dormant, not closed,’ Matt reminds me. ‘So if the police found out that I’ve threatened violence against another child.’
‘You’re right,’ I interrupt. ‘It’s too big a risk, a stupid idea.’
Matt shakes his head. ‘No. It’s a good idea. I just need to think it through.’ He rubs his head again. ‘Someone like Jess would be petrified – you’re right. And she’s shown her opinion of the police by blackmailing us rather than taking the video directly to them. It makes sense that she’d be suspicious of the police too – they didn’t save her mum, did they? I think we should do it.’
I walk over to the sofa, drop into it. Matt is right – Jess would see the police as the enemy. But there is another explanation for why she hasn’t shown them the video. One I really hope is true. Jess could believe – like the police apparently, hopefully, do – that the boyfriend killed Amber. Maybe she’s an opportunist, using the footage of Lucy to her advantage without believing for a second that Lucy’s guilty.
Or it could just be that she’s desperate. Willing to try anything to get away.
I think about my conversation with Colleen. Jess’s hope to be reunited with her father. Both Milla and Lucy adore Matt. They weren’t around to witness his first bout of depression, but they lived through his second. Matt was not easy company – constantly shouting at us all, complaining about the mess, obsessively tidying – but still, their love for him didn’t budge an inch. It’s not surprising that Jess dreams of a life with her father – especially with both her mother and only sister taken from her – and it’s heartbreaking to think her only remaining family member doesn’t want her. Ten thousand pounds in her pocket might change his mind.
There’s even the possibility that Jess deserves this money.
‘Shall I phone the bank then?’ I ask.
Matt nods back. ‘Tell them it’s for a car, for Milla,’ he improvises. ‘Then I’ll drive into Thame to pick the cash up.’
I head back into the office to make the call. I don’t know why. I could get the number from searching on my phone. But I want this to feel like a business transaction – like buying a used car from a bloke I don’t quite trust and hoping it doesn’t have a dodgy chassis. The woman on the other end of the phone does ask what the money is for, but in a bored tone, like it’s on a list that needs ticking, so it’s easy to regale the lie Matt suggested, and she accepts it without question. Then she books the cash in for collection. I call to Matt that it’s done and then watch him back the car out of the drive a minute later. His expression is resolute, resigned to the fact he’ll do anything to protect his daughters. It makes me feel proud.
But also scared how far our love will force us to go.
AFTER
Friday 10th May
Rachel
We stare at the Waitrose bag – sitting in the middle of our kitchen table – like criminals. Not a sturdy bag for life, but one of those flimsy ones that tears on the corner of ham packets.
‘It doesn’t look that impressive,’ Milla observes from her normal place at the table – facing the kitchen, opposite Matt. ‘You’d think ten grand would be a chunkier wad than that.’
Matt shrugs. ‘I thought the slimmer the better, so when the bank teller asked if fifties was okay, I said it was.’ He reaches over and tucks the bag in a bit tighter at the sides. I can see that he’s fidgety, looking for any way to expel the adrenalin, and I think about the note inside the bag, typed out and printed.
Your accusation is false, but the money is here.
Stick to your promise and destroy that footage.
If the video appears online, my dad will kill you.
We all fall silent again. Milla and Matt look deep in thought while Lucy’s face is unreadable. Frozen. It’s not yet five o’clock, the girls only recently back from school, so we’ve still got seven hours until the drop. I imagine skulking over to the designated bin, checking over both shoulders in the darkness, then dropping the money in. There’d be no point waiting to watch Jess collect it. I already know her identity, and if I thought confronting her would make a difference, I wouldn’t have agreed to her demand in the first place. Theoretically, Jess could just knock on our door and ask for the money, so maybe these cloak-and-dagger tactics are a sign that she’s scared of us. And that Matt’s note might work.
‘I’ll take the money,’ he says grimly. ‘I’ll park up on Chinnor Hill Road and walk down, so there’s no chance my car will be spotted.’
‘No, I should go,’ Lucy pipes up. ‘It’s me who’s got us into this mess, so I should be the one to take the risk.’
‘No!’ Matt and I cry out in unison. Then I gesture for him to follow it up. ‘You are the last person who should be going up there,’ he says sternly.
‘Because I can’t be trusted, you mean?’ she asks, tears catching at the back of her throat. ‘Because it’s me going out at night that got us into this trouble?’
‘Lucy, Jess thinks you killed her sister,’ Matt reminds her. ‘You can’t risk her finding you up there, all alone; we don’t know what she might do.’
‘But what if you get caught, Dad?’ Lucy pleads, not willing to back down. ‘Especially with the note, and all that stuff from before.’
‘I won’t get caught,’ Matt says grimly.
‘I think I should go,’ Milla announces. ‘I know the area much better than you do, Dad. There’s a short cut from behind the station, where they keep the old carriages. A hole in the wire fencing. Did you know that?’
‘No, but …’
‘That way I wouldn’t have to use the main road at all. No chance of any video doorbells picking me up.’
I think about last Friday night. How furious I was with myself for letting Milla search for Lucy alone. ‘No, I’ll go,’ I say, entering the fray. ‘I’ll wear my running gear, so if anyone sees me, I can say I went for a run because I couldn’t sleep.’
Milla shakes her head, drops her bottom lip. ‘No one’s going to believe that.’ She exhales a deep sigh. ‘Look, I know I freaked you out last Friday, but that was different. I’d had a few drinks at Ava’s party, and actually I’d smoked half a joint too – don’t squeal, it was a one-off – and that’s why I got sleepy. Tonight, I’ll be one hundred per cent focused. In and out super quick, I promise.’
