I feel Ryan’s lips on my skin for the rest of the day and on into the night. Like he left a tattoo on my skin. It’s there, tingling and reminding me that everything has changed.
During the rehearsal, I keep my distance from Ryan. But he looks amazing in his black suit pants and button-down linen shirt, so my eyes continuously seek him out from across the room. Every time we make eye contact, I instinctively touch the spot on my neck that I have vowed to never wash again. I’m going to wrap it in caution tape just so no one ever taints that patch of skin again. I’ve christened it as Ryan’s.
My stomach does barrel rolls when it’s time for me to take Ryan’s arm and practice walking down the aisle together. He covers my hand where it’s resting on his arm, and I curse myself a million times for imagining myself wearing a white dress and mouthing na na na, boo boo to every woman who’s ever given Ryan the I’m-all-yours look. You better believe I would invite them to our wedding. I’m a gloater.
Point is, this all feels like a dream where real life is hovering just beyond the edges, ready to overtake me at any moment.
Logan and Stacy practice the vow portion of the ceremony, and Ryan’s gaze is searing into mine. I want him to look away, but he won’t. I widen my eyes in the classic STOP LOOKING AT ME sign, but he just makes a goofy kissy face back at me. I’m so mad at him for making me laugh. For taking a sledgehammer to the cement walls I’d constructed around myself. For making me flush and giggle like a ding-dong in front of this whole wedding party.
After the rehearsal, Ryan tries to make his way to me at every turn, but I avoid, sidestep, and duck behind every potted plant I can find, because the more he makes me smile and blush and tingle, the more terrified I become. I KNOW that whatever Ryan feels for me is fake. Or maybe not fake, but temporary. His life is far away from here, and it’s going to call him back in two days. I just have to resist him for that long.
A heaviness grows over me during dinner, but I refuse to let it show, because this is Stacy’s big night, and I’m determined to make it as wonderful as possible for her. I will keep a smile on my face tonight even if I have to tape the corners of my mouth to my earlobes.
But the only time I genuinely laugh the entire night is when Stacy makes Ryan stand up during dinner. “Attention, everyone! Can we all give a round of applause for having our very own Michelin chef, Ryan Henderson, make all this delicious food for us tonight?”
Ryan’s face turns blood red, and I know that he’s dying inside at having his name associated with green beans and mashed potatoes. I snap a quick picture, because this is probably the only time I’ll ever see him embarrassed. Maybe I’ll have the photo enlarged and printed. It will hang over my mantel, and it won’t be creepy at all.
FINALLY, the night is over, and everyone begins to leave. I stand from the table and kiss Stacy’s glowing cheek, forcing myself to not focus on how much losing her is going to hurt.
“Tomorrow’s the day,” I say, giving her one last hug.
“Tomorrow,” she repeats with a dreamy expression.
I look over Stacy’s shoulder and lock eyes with Ryan, sitting at a table across the room. Tomorrow takes on a whole new meaning in my mind. Tomorrow is the wedding—the end of the reason Ryan came to visit. Tomorrow, the carriage will turn back into a pumpkin.
Ryan’s eyes beg me to let him take me home, but I shake my head.
Enemies or not, I am still June, and he is still Ryan. Our lives have taken different paths, and they don’t intersect. I refuse to let a man break me again. No matter how many figurines I could set on his ab shelves.
Chapter 16 June
“No,” I whisper, staring longingly through my car window at the keys lying innocently in my front seat.“No. No. No.” I haven’t locked my keys in my car since I was sixteen.
How could this happen? Then again, the tears bubbling up behind my eyes remind me I have had just a tiny bit on my mind lately. And I tend to turn into Space Cadet June when I’m overwhelmed. Don’t think about how overwhelmed you are, June. Don’t think about Stacy moving. Don’t think about Ryan leaving. Don’t think about how you’re going to have to run your business with someone other than your best friend.
I’m thinking about all of it.
Oh god, now my eyes are stinging and my nose is tickling and I just want to get into my car, where I can let it all out in peace.
I lightly pound my fist against the glass—begging it to let me in. “Please just open up,” I say in a wobbly voice. “If you do, I promise I won’t let your seats get all crumby anymore.”
“That’s a big promise.”
I scrunch my eyes shut. Dammit. Of course Ryan would be out here right now while I’m locked out of my car and tears are clinging to my lashes. I didn’t want to see him anymore tonight. My heart is all twisty and achy, and spending more time with him is only going to make it worse.
I feel him approach at my back. “You okay?”
“Fine!” I say, not turning around. “Apparently my keys are mad at me and have locked themselves in there.”
I’m trying to sound happy and cute, but my voice is cracking with emotion and Ryan doesn’t even pretend to miss it.
“June?” I feel him approaching me. “Look at me. Or do I need to carry you into a shower again?”
This pulls a little laugh from me as I turn around to face him. “I swear I don’t cry this much normally.”
His eyes are soft as his brows pull together. He’s unfairly handsome when he’s tender. “It’s okay if you do.”
I have to wiggle my toes to keep the sob building inside my body from leaking out.
“Are you crying—”
“Almost crying,” I correct, making Ryan grin.
He chuffs out a short laugh. “Are you almost crying because of your keys? Or did something happen?” There’s an edge to his voice there at the end. Something that tells me if something happened and it was the result of anyone at that rehearsal, he’s going to plow back inside and exact revenge on my behalf.
I’m still struggling to accept this Ryan 2.0. I don’t know what to do with him. Well…I know what I’d like to do with him, but that’s beside the point.
I sniff aggressively. No more emotions. “Compounding issues. The keys put it over the top.”
He nods slowly, diving his hands into his pants pockets in a move that only stresses his elevated good looks. The man is too beautiful. Might have stepped right out of a Banana Republic catalog for all anyone knows. “Can I help?”
“Do you have magical abilities to pass through glass and metal?”
He pulls his phone from his pocket. “No. But I have roadside assistance and can get a locksmith for you.”
“Oh.” I blink. “You’d let me use your roadside assistance?” For some reason, this is shaking me more than if he would have admitted to having special powers.
A sad smile curves the side of his mouth. “I don’t want to dignify that ridiculous question with an answer.”
I adjust on my heels that suddenly feel four sizes too small for my feet. I want to be home. Snuggled up in sweatpants and a blanket, trying to block out anything that makes me feel anxious and funky—aka blocking out Ryan until I know what to do with him.
I glance back toward the church and consider asking anyone else in there for help—but Stacy and Logan are busy entertaining their guests, Jake and Evie already left, and…
Ryan groans and rolls his eyes, smiling. “I’m calling them, June. You can fight me about it later.”
I don’t protest as he paces a few steps away, bringing his phone to his ear, but I do shoot my car one last mean-mug. “Expect extra curbs from here on out,” I whisper.
Not even two minutes later, Ryan is pocketing his phone and striding over to me. “Good and bad news. Good news, they’re sending a locksmith. Bad news, he’s got a couple of calls before ours, so we’ll have to wait around for him.”
I narrow my eyes and hold up my finger. “You keep saying this funny word. We. But I think you mean they’re sending someone for me. And I’ll have to wait around for him.”
Ryan’s grin is outrageous. “Nope. We have to wait for him. It’s my roadside assistance account and they will only service my family members or someone I’m currently riding with. So for tonight, we’re pretending I’m your passenger princess.”
GREAT. Just super.
I didn’t want to spend more time with Ryan. Because more time with Ryan means more time to like him. And I don’t want to like him. He’s literally leaving in two days. Plenty of people make long-distance relationships work—but I’m not one of those people. My trust is paper thin. Almost nonexistent.
Suddenly my stomach gives the loudest grumble of my life. It shakes the earth.
