“Jenna,” I mumbled as I prepared for my own confession.

“Mmhm?” she droned with her interest glued to the TV.

“You know how I thought I wanted Tryston to take my virginity, because he is sort of the perfect guy? He has the stable job, and he’s attractive…”

“And you’ve had a crush on him since he moved to town. Well, when Owen leaves, you can shoot your shot with Tryston. He’d be a great rebound, actually.” She rattled on about the perks of using Tryston to get over Owen. Jenna swore rebounds could become a long-lasting relationship.

“Jenna,” I tried to interrupt her, and when she continued, I repeated myself until she looked my way.

“I think I want to have sex with Owen.”

She stared at me, her eyes wide like a doe’s, waiting for me to elaborate. When I remained silent, she asked, “You think?”

Taking a deep breath, I felt my lungs fill while my heart pumped wildly. It was like a drum being banged behind my breastbone. “I know,” I decided. “I want to have sex with Owen. I want him to be my first.”

With a punch-drunk smile, Jenna toppled onto me in an embrace, miraculously holding her wineglass in the air without spilling a drop as we fell back on the couch together. “Yes! I’m so happy for you!”

Trying to pry myself free from her grasp, I finally slipped out from under her body and fell onto the floor with a thud. “Jenna.”

“What? Why don’t you look excited? You’ve finally found someone to give your flower.”

“Oh my gosh, could you not be so corny right now?”

She shrugged as she sat up and explained that she couldn’t help it. “Anyway, why the upside-down smile?”

“What if… what if I ask him, and he turns me down?”

“Oh girl, you’re crazy. Derek and I could feel the chemistry between you two when we went on that double date. He definitely wants to put his bat in your cage.”

“That’s a terrible image.”

“It’s all I could come up with.”

“So, what do I do if he says no? I’ll be so embarrassed, Jenna. I’d never be able to show my face around town again.”

“That man is not going to turn you down. But, if you want to guarantee that he pokes you with his Johnson, show up at his place naked. He won’t be able to control himself.”

I sneered at the thought. Though Owen had seen me naked before, being completely clothes-free while asking him to have sex with me was a whole other ball game. I’d feel way too vulnerable… and humiliated if he said no.

“God, I’m nuts. He’s not going to want to have sex with me, Jenna. Have you seen the women he’s slept with before? Even when he was just in college and not famous yet, I’m sure he snagged the most beautiful girls. I’m just a way for him to pass the time right now.”

All my insecurities rose to the surface, and there was nothing I could do to tamp them back down.

“Don’t you dare talk yourself out of it. I believe in you. And for someone in love, you’re not speaking too highly of Owen. Do you actually think he’d care one iota about your inexperience or what your body looks like?”

She was right. Owen wouldn’t care at all. I wasn’t giving him the credit he deserved.

I mumbled to myself that I wished I believed in myself as I got up and refilled my wineglass. Jenna was already focused on the show when I sat back down, and we finished the episode, both of us crying when Zoey turned Chase down because she felt like she’d been set up and duped. Jenna was livid at the woman, but I felt for her. I would’ve felt the same way.

Luckily, there was one more episode remaining, and I had a feeling the couple would work things out.

Jenna and I got into her king-size bed as she went on about her budding relationship with Derek. She was already head-over-heels in love with him, and I was afraid she’d get hurt, because Jenna always thought she was in love within a few days of a new relationship. But in the end, we fell asleep without me raining on her parade.

The next morning, I slipped out just after 5:00 a.m., because my internal alarm clock refused to let me sleep in most days. Jenna knew I’d be gone by the time she woke up, but like the best friend I was, I made sure to set her coffee pot timer and have a cup brewing for her in a couple of hours.

After cleaning up the bit of mess we left in her living room, I made my way back to the farm. Most people might assume our small town would be dead at the early hour, but it was lively with farmers starting their day. Tractors drove down the roads to get to other sections of their land. Pick-ups carried ranch hands to the market to get supplies. I passed more people at 5:00 a.m. than I would’ve at 5:00 p.m. as I made my way back to Sunny Brook Farms.

When I arrived at the ranch, I quickly made my way toward my house to change and get to work. Now that the harvest was mostly complete, I was due to ride along the fences surrounding the fields where the crops had been removed. These were where we’d allow Carrie and her herd mates to roam for the next month to clean up before seeding.

Next month, I’d start testing the soil for acidity and pH levels to determine if I needed to swap in some soy to give the soil rest. The farm was in a constant state of rotations to keep the soil and land healthy.

I also needed to check the Ramsey property. The demolition crew informed us that the roof had completely caved in, so no one was allowed inside the building any longer. I’d broken the news to Beverly yesterday, and though I could tell it left her bereft, she said there was nothing on the property she needed.

I wasn’t sure how I was going to broach the topic with Owen. I had a feeling he was still reeling a bit about everything he learned regarding the land and its sale. He told me he was thankful we were able to help my mother but that he wished she reached out to him instead. I understood his point. He wanted to help. Beverly had been ashamed though. All she ever wanted was for Owen to live his best life and forget how he’d grown up.

As he and I grew closer, I hoped one day he’d open up and disclose all he’d gone through as a child. I thought it might be a way for us to grow closer. But I wouldn’t be hurt if he didn’t share. That was a part of his life I was never privy to, and if reliving it hurt him, I wanted no part of it.

Thinking about Owen, I stripped out of my loungewear and quickly replaced it with a pair of overalls, a tank top, and a flannel shirt. With fall making her presence known, the mornings were often chillier than I liked. I was definitely not looking forward to the upcoming winter. My name did not reflect my feelings toward that particular season.

Outside, I headed toward the main barn to get a set of UTV keys. We had a few horses in the stables, but I knew the ranch hands preferred to ride, though I took the opportunity when I had the chance. As I grabbed the keys I needed from their hook, I was surprised to find Andrew working in the small office of the barn. I peeked my head inside and greeted him.

“Good morning.”

“Morning,” he replied, his voice heavy with sleep. Either he got here earlier than I did, or he’d been here all night.

“Surprised to see you here this early. You’ve been hanging around a lot more. I’m sure Mom is thrilled.”

Andrew was born from my mother’s first marriage. His dad died as a decorated soldier overseas, and Mom married my dad when they met by happenstance a couple of years later. My dad loved Andrew as if was his own blood, but sometimes I could see how Andrew held himself back, as if he didn’t belong with the rest of us.

“It’s nothing. Just getting bored in Knoxville. I’ve been considering moving back home.”

“Oh.” That was news. Andrew was known to speak about needing his space and wanting to make his own way. Small-town living wasn’t for him. While he worked for the farm, sorting and finalizing contracts, he worked with other companies doing the same. I was secretly envious of his ability to have his hands in so many things and still make time to relax and date. Not that he dated anyone seriously, but he always had a date or a woman he was seeing.

“Any particular reason?” I prodded as I leaned my hip against the old, worn desk that once belonged to our grandfather.

“Well, with you taking over, I figure we need to hire a few other people to manage the books and operations. Inventory. Data. Things like that,” he said as he typed away on a laptop and shuffled a few papers spread out on the desk.

“So, what would be my role then?” I asked, crossing my arms tersely against my chest. My words were biting. “Seems to me you’d hire people to do the things Dad does. Don’t you trust me enough to do the job I’ve been given?”

“Aspen,” Andrew said through a sigh. “That’s not what I meant. The new hires would be to help you so you could focus on the overall picture. That’s all.”

My eyes narrowed into slits, and Andrew had the decency to look as if he’d been scolded.

“Look, it’s been a record-high profit year for us, but also record-high expenses with the purchase of the Ramsey farm. You did a good job finding wiggle room in the budget and inventory to pay for the fences to mark out that property. And Dad mentioned your idea to lease the land to the local cattle farmers. It’s a great plan. I just want this job to be as stress-free for you as possible.”

There was something he wasn’t telling me, but my anger from feeling like no one thought I could do the job made me fist the keys in my hands. The metal would leave indentations in the callused skin once I unclenched.

But he was right that I didn’t want all the stresses my dad handled. Now that I had a taste of freedom, I wanted it in spades, but this job just didn’t allow for that.