With a growing emptiness inside, I stood in the rain of ashes.

“Vivienna, I want you to go.”

A moment later I heard Vivi’s footsteps, then a door sliding loudly across the stone floor until it had closed.

Gloria was still standing behind me without saying a word. She must be seething inside, but if anyone could control her emotions, it was her. As long as she wanted to...

I tried not to focus on her, but on my trembling hands. I wanted to prevent anything worse from happening.

Very briefly, I had felt what I had felt last week. The feeling that something had to break out of me without me having any control over it.

I felt a hand on my shoulders and flinched as Gloria forced me to turn around. A thousand images flashed through my head.

“Hold still, stupid girl!”

I squinted my eyes. It didn’t help, I still saw him with his ugly skull tattoo on his neck, the fake smile, the pain.

My stomach tightened.

“Should I tell Mommy you’re crying again?”

“No!” I sobbed.

He came closer and put his hand on my chest.

I felt sick.

“What’s wrong with you, Julie Blair?!”

Gloria snapped me back to the present. Her hands clawed lightly into my upper arm and I suppressed the rising pain. It wasn’t half as bad as what was going on in my head, eating me up, devouring me.

Gloria grabbed me and dragged me to the huge temple entrance. With a swift movement of her hand, the two massive doors opened, and she pulled me through the hallway into the room to the right: Her office. There she pushed me down on the leather-upholstered chair and closed the door which made the candles flicker. Then she fetched a glass vial of white cloudy liquid and poured it into a glass. She pushed it toward me.

“No...” I shook my head.

“Drink it!” she said tensely. But I refused. “Drink it, Julie Blair, or he’ll have control over you!”

I looked up at her, startled. Memories flooded my head.

She’s standing in the doorway, handing him money.

“You have your duty to fulfill, and anything that prevents you from doing so must be eliminated!”

Little did she know that this wasn’t helping, that it hadn’t been helping for a while and that she couldn’t make me function anymore.

I was broken and all she was trying to do was cover it up.

She only had the prophecy in mind, the fact that Grace was the chosen one and that I, as an Air Quatura, existed to protect her. I had no more value than that.

She didn’t know how much I would love to just forget everything, but this time everything...forever.

I had tried once, but she had given me back all my memories. From that very day, her elixirs no longer worked flawlessly on me. I was broken for good.

She held the glass out to me.

“Drink it, or I’ll have to make you!”

I swallowed.

One look in her eyes told me how serious she was. Her ice-blue irises had begun to glow grayish.

With numb fingers, I brought the glass to my lips. And then I drank.

I simply drank, because I was used to the bitter taste by now. I ignored the burning in my throat. Nothing burned more than the pain of my memories. And Gloria had me in the palm of her hand. Every portion of this potion increased her power over me. I was no longer forgetting, but I was losing my feelings, losing them more and more. I was still okay, but I knew it would soon get worse. I also wondered when I would no longer feel anything, when I would have complete control over my powers.

I knew one thing for sure. I would envy Vivienna forever. She thought I was Gloria’s favorite, a role model, Grace’s future protector. But everything had its price.

“Feelings are our greatest enemy!”

Gloria’s words penetrated my clouded consciousness.

For a brief moment, I wished I was Erik, wished I had his carefree human life... Then a second later, the longing feeling faded and I felt a deep inner emptiness.

Chapter 52

Bayla

“And then I gave Finn the middle finger and sat down in his seat with my friends,” Mia laughed aloud and nibbled on the cookie dough that Mady had mixed. Mady immediately came running over to her and slapped her on the fingers. Mia laughed with a grin and pulled herself up onto the kitchen counter.

“It's hard to believe you're Julian's little sister,” Larissa said, the corners of her mouth turning upwards in amusement as she filled the three bowls with all kinds of nachos.

She had been the one to remind me of Mady's offer and now there were the four of us at the Campbells and, to be honest, it was a welcome distraction from all the supernatural crap out there.

I was aware of what Mia was, but we didn't talk about it, and so what we were doing here felt like we were just normal girls enjoying our time together.

“Finn is Emely and Nash's brother, isn't he?” I asked with interest, because Mia had mentioned the name Copeland.

Mia made a waving hand gesture and snorted. “Yeah, but he's really okay when his guys aren't around.”

So, every Copeland was surrounded by a few werewolf guys?

“Maybe all Copelands are like that,” Mady commented, pouring the dough onto a baking pan.

She was wearing one of her dark green summer dresses decorated with white flowers, black tights and the usual black cardigan. I wondered if she wasn't freezing.

I was wearing one of those Vanderwood hoodies and my normal jeans, and the cold was still trying to creep under my clothes. I would probably get sick soon. That was all I needed right now.

“In case you were on the verge of coming up with reasonable excuses for Nash being an asshole to you, don't.” Mia looked at Mady with a serious expression.