I texted thank you and that’s what I was feeling right now. I was so grateful to him for all the understanding I couldn’t expect from anyone else around me.
My chest started to hurt a little because that was all I wanted to do – to tell him everything, to describe everything down to the smallest detail. I wanted to cry, to open up to him. But the rules told me not to. Erik was a human being, and I couldn’t forget that.
I hated always having to beat around the bush.
I thought about the best way to describe it to him. A little too long, apparently, because he texted again.
My heart tightened in despair.
I looked down at my hands digging desperately into the sheets... That’s when I discovered my fingertips had turned blue.
Shock spread through my chest, traveled to my stomach and I couldn’t help but stare at my hands in a daze.
I tried to look away, at the chat in front of me, but the tingling in my fingertips wouldn’t go away.
Immediately, the tension inside me eased, and my heart jumped slightly.
I was important to him...
What if this friendship was real after all, even if we were separated by a screen? What if Erik was proof that I wasn’t socially incompetent after all, as everyone in the Circle accused me of being?
I checked my fingertips again, but the bluish tinge had disappeared.
My heart was beating a little faster than usual. Normally, texting with Erik calmed me down and distracted me from my life, but right now, I was far too emotional.
I wondered what his social life was like, if he had friends and if I was just one of many internet acquaintances or if he struggled as much as I did... After all, he was a football player and...
I realized once again that I didn’t know much about him, not even what he was studying.
I hoped that I wasn’t banging the door down. But that’s the kind of question you ask your friends, isn’t it? That’s what Grace did and that’s what I’d seen Larissa do.
That was the last thing I wanted... Maybe I needed to be more specific.
Erik did nothing for a moment, but then he started typing.
It sounded exactly like my family, except that as a human he certainly didn’t have such devastating problems as a Quatura.
He spoke from my soul. I was asked to integrate myself into the Circle, to help Grace fulfill the prophecy. I had to give everything, give myself up. After all, that’s what it meant to be part of something bigger.
I had to ask this question. Something inside me wanted him to at least be able to put that burden down with me.
I smiled sadly, albeit with relief.
I wanted to ask more questions, wanted to know what exactly his family wanted from him. What if I could help him? If I could be useful to at least one person in my life. One person who saw that I only wanted the best for him.
My own thoughts were enough to remind me of the fragility of all our relationships. Of how I must have been important to my mother until I reminded her more and more of my father every day.
I had never met him, but that was normal for us. The fathers were there to impregnate the mothers and were not allowed to know about us any more than other people.
I looked at the display again.
