My head tried to suppress it, but deep inside, I knew that I could not escape it. It was inside me, a part of me. And it was just waiting to come out. But that would never happen again. Never again.

No matter what Emely or Nickolas said. I would prove them wrong. The last thing I wanted was to be like them. A unit with no free will.

I sat in my room, as I always did at this time of day, and had already been doing my favorite activity for five hours. At the piano, I simply felt better, and all the stress that threatened to crush me more and more every day disappeared almost completely. Here I could be more or less myself and also had my peace from my father.

“Julian...we need to talk.”

Speaking of the devil...

I looked up and interrupted the piano play. Only now did I realize that my fingers hurt. They were no longer bloodied, but you could see the many small cuts from the shards.

I sighed in annoyance. 

After my outburst, Mia had disappeared to the Campbells, leaving me alone with my thoughts. She always claimed that everything was okay and that I wouldn’t scare her, but I knew for a fact that she was lying to me. I desperately needed to talk to her before I scared her off completely.

“This can’t go on.”

Dad snapped me out of my thoughts. One look at his face told me he had been crying. 

Our grandmother had died recently, and he was still grieving. Every day, he would come home and try not to reach for the bottle. It was a hard struggle. You could see it in his face. But we all had to fight our battles somewhere. Some more, some less. I had to be a complete battleground.

“I understand that you had to go through a lot, but we all had to. Mia misses her too, and you can’t imagine how much I wish she were still with us.”

He contorted his face in pain. I knew for a fact that it wasn’t about Grandma. 

My heart contracted painfully, like a sponge full of water that you squeezed until it was dry and empty.

I alone was to blame for my family’s suffering.

It was different to be responsible for your own mother’s death and live under the same roof with the people who knew the truth, but repressed it.

Dad was still looking at me, but I could no longer withstand his scrutinizing gaze. I instinctively looked out the window.

A white curtain. Nothing had changed. Bayla Adams still felt like I was watching her. Yet she had been the one secretly staring at me. Actually, the thought of that absurd encounter should have made me grin, but I could only continue to stare at the billowing curtain.

“Julian, I’m talking to you. You’ve got to change something, son. You’re just dragging yourself further and further down.”

How could he possibly think I was pulling myself down? I was already at the bottom, and I deserved it.

“You don’t get it, do you?” I began in irritation. I looked at him, and my eyes had to be glowing. I could feel it. I was glowing from the inside.

Added to that were the unwanted signs of transformation on my arms. The darkness inside me came out in the shallow black of my veins, a pattern that presented not only my curse but also my deepest inner self.

Immediately, I turned away from Dad. 

Take it easy, Julian. You can control yourself. You know you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.

“Julian, it’s not your fault. You need to finally understand that, and put the past behind you. Your sister needs you now, and you’re acting like...”

“Like what? An uncontrollable monster? Maybe that’s what I am!”

The attempt to control me had failed again.

“No, son, you’re not a monster. How many times do I have to tell you that? You’re just reacting way too aggressively because you’re not turning.”

What was he trying to say? That I should break the rules? He didn’t do it either, after all.

“Are you serious right now? I’m just doing what everyone in this house does. Following the guidelines of the damn Blairs and Westcodes. Wasn’t it you who said something about control?” 

Anger spread through me.

You really couldn’t please anyone in this town. If it wasn’t the witches, it was my own kind putting me in my place, stabbing me in the back.

“Julian, I’ve got myself under control, though.” 

I furrowed my brows and immediately regretted it because my father looked down at the ground, grabbed his head, and shook it. 

“We all deal with pain differently, and you overreact to everything. It’s a sign that you’re not at peace with yourself and your nature.” 

I had been in control for so long without anything bad happening. Just because I had demolished our bathroom and hurt myself in the process didn’t mean I had to turn.

“I talked to Nickolas... Maybe he’s right...”

Horrified, I jumped up, knocking the piano stool over backward in the process, which caused a loud rumbling sound.

“Such a strong nature is rare.... And he wants to teach you to control it,” my father continued as if I hadn’t reacted dismissively enough to his words.

“But you said...” I continued, but he interrupted me.

“What’s between me and Nickolas has nothing to do with you needing a pack. Maybe I kept you away from all that crap for too long. You need it.”

So, he had lied to me? Was he going to get me out of here now? Now, of all times? 

“No...” I said tonelessly, staring at him, stunned.

“Julian, you haven’t been there in a long time.”

“No! I’m not going to these people!”

“You have Emely, and I think a little more company wouldn’t hurt you.”

Now, he was starting on Emely again. Just because she was a Senseque didn’t make her anything like me. And besides, we’d only hung out a few times in high school because her brother hadn’t wanted me to make a pass at her, which had never been my intention. Of course, she was pretty. But we had been friends. And I really didn’t want to have anything to do with those freaks. And I really didn’t want to have any trouble with the Alpha’s son. So, I had done the only right thing and cut this last connection, too.

“I’m seriously worried. You’re going to end up hurting someone,” Dad sighed.

“And that’s why you want me to go to them? What do you hope to get out of it? That I’ll come back home a good boy and play fetch the stick in the woods with a couple of tamed dogs in the evening? I’m not like them. Get that through your head!”

“You’re fighting it. And that’s not healthy!” he began again, a little louder this time. “Your powers will eventually drive you out of your mind, and who knows what will happen then!”