“The book is worth a lot more, believe me.”

For a moment, it looked like the older lady was going to make another objection, but then a grateful smile spread across her face.

“Thank you, girl.” She stowed the money in her sewing box, and confused, I looked into the empty compartments. Didn’t she have a cash box? “Have fun with this special one. And always guard your shadow,” she said before handing me the book wrapped in kraft paper.

I stared at the woman, perplexed.

“Excuse me?”

The woman’s smile faded, and she stared at me with blank eyes. Then she smiled again and reached for her knitting.

I forced myself to head back to Mum. As I did so, I suppressed the strange urge to turn back to the woman. Probably, I had misheard.

The other stalls, although teeming with books everywhere, didn’t appeal to me much. Worn covers or even coverless paper crumbs that looked like they’d been found in the nearest ditch gutter. 

In my opinion, if you owned books, you had to make sure they stayed in a neat condition so that the next person was able to read them again without suddenly turning from page seven to page 246.

I went back to the vegetable stand, hoping that Mum was still standing there. 

She was.

“...I mean it. Bring her to us. You know it’s not up to me, and if Gloria finds out about her, you won’t have a choice.”

“But she doesn’t know about it, and nothing has happened yet.”

Mum was still talking to Amara.

“I won’t tell Gloria, but if anything happens here that isn’t of human nature and involves your daughter...”

Amara must have spotted me because, all of a sudden, she stopped talking. Mum also turned to me quickly, and I couldn’t help but notice her worried look.

What had they been talking about? And who on earth was Gloria now? Surely another friend she had left behind. So many names and people my mother had never told me about. 

Unbelievable.

But it wasn’t the name that had scared me so much.

What had she meant when she had said what was not human in nature?

Did Amara think I had a tendency toward violence? What in God’s name had Mum told her about me? Had she spilled the tea about my ninth-grade karate accident?

“Who is Gloria?” it blurted out of me just like that.

Mum’s cheeks turned pink, which made me even more suspicious.

All this sneaking around was starting to get on my nerves. If this went on, sooner or later I would have to confront Mum. Without consideration for losses.

“An... old friend of ours.”

Ah, yes. Something wasn’t right here. But I couldn’t tell what it was.

My gaze slid to Amara, but she wasn’t as speechless as Mum. She twisted her face to stifle a grin. 

Were these old insiders from days gone by? Could someone please enlighten me?

“Oh yes, the good old days. Aren’t they, Diana?” she finally added. Then the mayor looked around briefly before turning to me, and the color had completely drained from my mother’s cheeks. 

“Enjoy the time you have here. Vanderwood is really a great place.” Amara’s gaze moved from me to my mum, who was still standing rooted to the spot. “And I’m sure we’ll see each other soon.” Then she looked at me again, this time regretfully. “See you, Bayla.”

“Nice to meet you...” I lied in embarrassment, looking after Amara until she disappeared around a stand with her basket of greens. 

I turned slowly to face Mum.

She must have recovered from her shock, because she looked as if this strange encounter had never happened.

“Do you have any more friends I should possibly know about?”

She looked around and lowered her voice. “Bay, there are reasons why I haven’t told you everything.”

Her excuse sounded lax and didn’t answer my question. 

What else could I expect here, somewhere in the middle of nowhere?

Maybe I should keep asking, but somehow, I didn’t want to be intrusive, either. There had to be a reason why Mum was dealing with her past the way she was. Maybe something had happened back then that had caused her to move to the States. And this time, I wasn’t thinking about anything like a career. What if someone here had broken her heart? The thought that it might have been my father triggered an unsettling feeling in my chest. Because even if it made me curious, it was odd to think about someone I didn’t even know. Even more so, approaching my mother about it was a thought that didn’t make me feel good. She had never said anything or had always avoided me. 

What if he hadn’t run away at all... but she had? What had he done to her? 

I felt sick.

No... I shouldn’t think about something like that. Maybe it was really like she had told me. Maybe he was just an asshole who had never contacted us again.

Slowly but surely, I buried all hope of any answers.

I had to stop asking constant questions that bothered my mum and reminded her of something she might have successfully repressed her whole life.

From now on, I would keep quiet and focus on her future and mine. Because the worst thing I could do would be to open up old wounds. Wounds that had perhaps long since healed.

I decided it wasn’t worth all that. Because if there was one thing I knew, it was that I wanted what was best for my mum. She needed time. And I would give her that.

Chapter 8

Julian

My fingers glided over the keys, and the melody I elicited from them sent a shiver down my own spine. Dream was the first piece I had taught myself. At that time, I had learned it for only one person...

My fingers sped up, and my mind was still racing. Just the memory of that time scared me. 

How had it come to this, that I was afraid of myself?