“You don’t get it, do you?” I began in irritation. I looked at him, and my eyes had to be glowing. I could feel it. I was glowing from the inside.
Added to that were the unwanted signs of transformation on my arms. The darkness inside me came out in the shallow black of my veins, a pattern that presented not only my curse but also my deepest inner self.
Immediately, I turned away from Dad.
Take it easy, Julian. You can control yourself. You know you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.
“Julian, it’s not your fault. You need to finally understand that, and put the past behind you. Your sister needs you now, and you’re acting like...”
“Like what? An uncontrollable monster? Maybe that’s what I am!”
The attempt to control me had failed again.
“No, son, you’re not a monster. How many times do I have to tell you that? You’re just reacting way too aggressively because you’re not turning.”
What was he trying to say? That I should break the rules? He didn’t do it either, after all.
“Are you serious right now? I’m just doing what everyone in this house does. Following the guidelines of the damn Blairs and Westcodes. Wasn’t it you who said something about control?”
Anger spread through me.
You really couldn’t please anyone in this town. If it wasn’t the witches, it was my own kind putting me in my place, stabbing me in the back.
“Julian, I’ve got myself under control, though.”
I furrowed my brows and immediately regretted it because my father looked down at the ground, grabbed his head, and shook it.
“We all deal with pain differently, and you overreact to everything. It’s a sign that you’re not at peace with yourself and your nature.”
I had been in control for so long without anything bad happening. Just because I had demolished our bathroom and hurt myself in the process didn’t mean I had to turn.
“I talked to Nickolas... Maybe he’s right...”
Horrified, I jumped up, knocking the piano stool over backward in the process, which caused a loud rumbling sound.
“Such a strong nature is rare.... And he wants to teach you to control it,” my father continued as if I hadn’t reacted dismissively enough to his words.
“But you said...” I continued, but he interrupted me.
“What’s between me and Nickolas has nothing to do with you needing a pack. Maybe I kept you away from all that crap for too long. You need it.”
So, he had lied to me? Was he going to get me out of here now? Now, of all times?
“No...” I said tonelessly, staring at him, stunned.
“Julian, you haven’t been there in a long time.”
“No! I’m not going to these people!”
“You have Emely, and I think a little more company wouldn’t hurt you.”
Now, he was starting on Emely again. Just because she was a Senseque didn’t make her anything like me. And besides, we’d only hung out a few times in high school because her brother hadn’t wanted me to make a pass at her, which had never been my intention. Of course, she was pretty. But we had been friends. And I really didn’t want to have anything to do with those freaks. And I really didn’t want to have any trouble with the Alpha’s son. So, I had done the only right thing and cut this last connection, too.
“I’m seriously worried. You’re going to end up hurting someone,” Dad sighed.
“And that’s why you want me to go to them? What do you hope to get out of it? That I’ll come back home a good boy and play fetch the stick in the woods with a couple of tamed dogs in the evening? I’m not like them. Get that through your head!”
“You’re fighting it. And that’s not healthy!” he began again, a little louder this time. “Your powers will eventually drive you out of your mind, and who knows what will happen then!”
“That doesn’t mean I have to join them. They just want to boost up their stupid pack, too, because they have to have everything under control, and because they’re up to their necks in water with the other species!”
My father was silent. Because I was right. Nickolas’ men were nothing but a kind of weapon against the Circle, the Councils or the DeLoughrey clan.
I would stay away from these senseless feuds. At nineteen, my father could no longer tell me what to do. His bad luck, Nickolas' unexpected luck. I would make their lives hell if they didn’t stop soon, and I would show them that I couldn’t be put in a pack full of good dogs. That was not my world.
Determined, I jumped up and went to the door to make my way past my father. He stood in my way.
I stared at him with a challenging look.
He would not win this fight.
“Please, Julian, at least think about it. You are a serious danger to yourself and others here.”
I clenched my hands into fists and tightened my jaw.
How could my father just keep hitting the bull’s eye? The thought that something might happen to Mia was finally killing me.
Without hesitation, I pushed him aside and sprinted down the white wooden stairs to the porch door.
