The pictures I had taped to the frame showed me and my older brother, Ezra. The two of us at Lola’s Diner, taking selfies. Pictures of us in the snow, him pulling my beanie in my face and sticking his tongue out.
I wish there weren’t two years between those pictures and now. Because Ezra wasn’t taking selfies anymore. And I didn’t laugh with him anymore.
How could I when we barely ran into each other?
Unlike me, he had stopped taking the pills.
“Someday, it won’t hurt so much.”
Ezra meant our parents.
My eyes wandered to the next picture.
Nash’s smile, his deep blond strands, his forehead, and my kiss on his skin... I closed my eyes to remember him, that moment with him, all that I hadn’t forgotten yet.
The familiar ache rippled through my belly.
He was the reason I was still taking the pills. Not my parents.
“Madelin?”
Ezra’s voice brought me back to the present, and I was tempted to remove the photo from the mirror. Mia would have torn it off by now, but I just couldn’t.
“Mady, please, we have to go.”
With reluctance, I tore myself away from the mirror and reached for the thermos. I would not make it through this day without coffee.
Then I grabbed the backpack and hurried down the stairs.
“There you are, finally,” my brother snorted, also carrying his shouldered backpack.
Ezra’s skin was golden brown, not like mine, which resembled that of a walking corpse. He worked a lot. Usually, just at Lola’s Diner or the Vanderwood campus bar. This summer, the flower shop job had been added to the mix. Another reason I should feel bad, but Ezra smiled encouragingly in my direction.
“Let me take your suitcase.” He started to rush up the stairs, but I braced a hand against his chest.
Ezra looked at me through his emerald eyes in confusion. The only thing we seemed to share. His hair was cocoa brown, like my father’s.
“Where is it?”
That was typical of him. He actually resembled our father. Helpful and kind-hearted, liked to help, felt responsible for everything....
And so, it had come about that instead of pills, he had found another way to deal with his problems: Jobs, more jobs, and even more jobs. And when he wasn’t working, he was studying for his medical degree as an aspiring doctor.
He was like Dad. At least, that’s what he wanted to be.
“I don’t have a suitcase,” I murmured, pushing past him.
“You should move to campus.” He said seriously from the stairs, and I turned to him. He eyed my floral dress.
“So, you can have your peace from me?”
His eyes met mine again.
“All right, stay here.” He shrugged. “But then please get a job, too.”
I sighed. The guilty conscience set in, and I turned away ashamed, not wanting him to realize how convinced I was of the truth that lay behind his words.
“Good morning to you, too, Ezra,” I teased and left the house without turning back to my sighing brother.
For once, and only because it was the first day, I had let my brother take me to university.
“Did you have to park so far away?”
Ezra didn’t reply, so shaking my head, I slammed the car door and checked to make sure I had everything with me.
As I was about to turn around, Ezra called out to me. “Hey...”
I looked at him, his gaze filled with concern, and he could barely hold it.
“Have a great first day.”
I forced myself to smile. Because even though we hadn’t been on the same page since the accident, he was still my brother.
“Thanks.”
I turned without looking back again and made my way across the parking lot.
I almost tripped over a raven, happily hopping around in a water-filled puddle, splashing its wings.
