And if she was going to do this, be here, she wanted to do it right. She wanted to do it all well.
She sort of hated the pressure that came with it all. The crushing need. So different than a life that wasn’t tied to anything. No anchors holding you back. Nothing to entice you to try. She missed it, in a way. But then, going back to it seemed impossible.
Because...big, cowboy-in-a-uniform-shaped anchor. No matter what looked better or easier, it would never really be easy again. Cutting ties with Eli would be something she regretted. But being with him was damn hard. Because he called her on her BS and made her be serious, made her look in his eyes when she climaxed. Forced her not to joke about her pain, but to speak about it honestly.
He added an uncomfortable level of depth to her life. Discomfiting when she’d tried for so long to stay in the shallows. Bastard.
“You did more than try,” he said. “You succeeded. Now we just need to wait for the place to fill up.”
And it did fill up. It was unbelievable. By the early afternoon they had people everywhere. Eating, laughing, talking. There was a band playing. Ace, the sexy bartender, was serving beer from the portable tap. The barbecues were going strong and adults were laughing while kids danced in the grass with bare feet.
Eli’s three-legged race was a serious hit, and everyone was anxiously awaiting the official barbecue judging, and Jack and Kate’s demonstration.
She noticed Eli standing on the perimeter and walked over to where he was, jabbing him lightly with her elbow. Since, you know, she probably couldn’t kiss him in public.
“You hungry yet?” she asked.
“Starving.”
“Let’s get food. There’s obviously enough. And we earned it.”
“We did,” he said. “Well, you did.”
“Stop it,” she said, leaning into him again and shoving him with her shoulder. “This is your place. And you’ve been a big support. Stop being so nice to me. It’s freaking me out.”
“Am I not nice to you?” he asked.
“You are,” she said. “I think you’ve officially crossed over into being mainly nice to me. Which, considering where we came from, is kind of a huge deal.”
“Well, I know you now. Instead of just thinking I know about you.”
“Same,” she said. “Shall we get our barbecue on?”
They walked through the crowd, Eli periodically smiling and waving at those who called out a greeting, and all she could do was just walk next to him in awe of all that he was to these people. He was a cornerstone, her man. The kind of guy who did good all the time. The kind of guy who’d affected many of the people here in amazing ways.
It was daunting. Daunting that a man like him could have clearly done so much and still feel like he hadn’t done enough.
It was extra daunting because she wasn’t sure if she’d ever made half that impact, even if you cobbled together the things she’d done across all the places she’d lived.
“Chicken or beef?” she asked, when they approached the barbecue line.
“Any,” he said. “Any and all.”
“All right, we’ll fill your plate with meats.”
He smiled and right then she didn’t really care about impact and other deep things like that. Because Eli was smiling right at her, and that meant a hell of a lot.
“What about you?” he asked.
“I want steak, and I hear it’s fantastic because it’s Garrett beef. And I want copious amounts of potato salad because who doesn’t love a mayonnaise and starch party in their mouth?”
“Well, you obviously do,” he said.
She smiled at him, then had to look away to avoid kissing him. She noticed that Alison was at her pie booth, looking harassed and serving pieces of pie onto plates as quickly as possible. Then she noticed that Jared was standing right next to her, his large arms folded over his chest, looking every inch the threatening, Neanderthal jackass he was.
“Uh-oh,” she said, “I think we might have a problem.”
Eli frowned, then followed her line of sight over to the pie booth. “Oh. That asshole.”
“Yeah.”
A muscle in Eli’s jaw ticked. “I’m feeling pretty short on patience with him.”
“I know. But I do understand that there’s...” Suddenly Eli was moving out of line and heading toward the booth. “Oh,” she said, hurrying after him.
Jared was leaning in near Alison, saying something, and Alison was looking increasingly distressed. And Eli was starting to walk faster.
“Do we have a problem here?” Eli asked.
Jared was a big guy, and scary enough if you were a woman. But Eli stood about four inches taller and had to outweigh him by thirty pounds of pure muscle. Even without the badge and the gun, Eli was an intimidating sight.
In many ways he was more terrifying without the uniform than he was with it on. Because in the uniform, you could see his boundaries. Clearly. Deputy Garrett was a lawman. He was a man who would see justice done in accordance with the legal system.
Right now in his cowboy hat, tight black T-shirt and jeans he looked more likely to dispense a different kind of justice entirely.
And she didn’t really know what he might do.
And that was funny because he was predictable and good. Except...except he wasn’t all that predictable, not really. When they were in bed, he was a different man, a dangerous man.
