Suddenly, it was far too easy to remember all those old feelings. Far too easy to feel them. Far too easy to simply exist in them. Like no time had passed at all. Like he was still her lover, and not the man who had broken her.
She had tried so hard to turn it into a kind of complicated destiny. That if she hadn’t been with him, she wouldn’t have the song. She had turned it into an integral step in her life.
But it didn’t feel like that here. It just felt like regret.
And like unfinished business.
Except maybe that was the story she was telling herself now because he was there and he was beautiful. And she still wanted him, no matter how much she tried to tell herself she didn’t. It was painful. It immobilized her. She suddenly ached with it. Was on fire with it. And thought that it might burn her alive.
But it wasn’t the kind of heat that they’d experienced when it had been new. When she’d been terrified and trembling, but so in need of it.
She knew. And she wanted it anyway.
Wanted him anyway.
So she took a step back, clinging to the scarf. “Thank you. For this.” She wanted to forget everything. Everything that she knew.
About him. About heartbreak. About pain. She wanted to forget all of it. And jump into something she knew she shouldn’t.
But she kept remembering all those times back then. When he’d made it very clear when she brought up sex that he wasn’t offering.
Except he had wanted it.
No. Don’t go there.
“I’m tired,” she said. “I’ll go... I’ll go to my room now.”
“Yes. See you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow.”
Chapter 7
He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t sleep because all he could do was think of her. He couldn’t sleep because everything kept rolling through him like a thunderstorm. Memories, things from the past, and need from now.
He got out of bed quickly, and went over to the window, looking out at the snow falling below. It was coming down thicker and harder now, and the wind was unforgiving.
They could be stuck up here for days. And he...he didn’t know what the hell he was supposed to do with that.
He didn’t know why he’d shown her the scarf, except... Maybe it was the penance that he needed to make. Because he could see that he hurt her.
Not that he didn’t know that. He’d known that ever since the song had come out.
You knew it before.
But the fact was, this was another of those moments. Where he could turn back, or he could take a step forward, a step into something he knew wasn’t a good idea.
Just like he’d done back then.
Before
They did a little more talking than kissing after that. It was a good thing. Because she needed to take it slow, and he understood that. He still wasn’t quite sure what was happening between them. Not really. What the point of it was. Where it was going.
He didn’t want to think about it. He was good at that. Not thinking about it. He hadn’t lied to her when he’d said he was very good at putting up walls.
He was so good at it, he didn’t quite know how to take them down. And he figured that was all right.
They both ended up winning top spot in their events for the season.
And he bought her the boots. Before they ever left the final event in Vegas.
“I told you not to do that,” she said.
“Yeah. Well, I did.”
“What are you going to do now?” she asked.
“I’m headed out to the coast for a few days.” He always went and stayed in one of his parents’ properties when the season was out. A little time to breathe between going and working the ranch and all the hard traveling and riding that happened all season long. “You should come with me.”
He didn’t know why he asked her to do that any more than he knew the why of anything from the past couple of months. Why he was making out with this girl who wasn’t his type. Talking to her for hours every night. Thinking about her all the time.
“Yeah, all right. But I’m still not having sex with you, Ace.”
“Didn’t ask you to.” A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. He wasn’t even upset about it. He was a little physically frustrated, but he wasn’t mad. Not even a little.
Because like everything else with her, the fling was unpredictable.
And he liked that best of all.
