"Yes," he said. Did I imagine he found relief in how I met his eyes?
I rested my hands on my knees. "And I will guess that the priests of Shame who were not so involved had normal relationships with others."
"Spouses. Children. Some of them even lived in their family homes," Kor agreed.
"And you... you were free to fall in love with Kherishdar," I said. "Because nothing held you back from being entirely involved in the hearts of those who needed your Correction."
He smiled a little. "You see one reason now I called you counterpart."
"That I see such things?"
"That you are enough like our master to see beyond the obvious and immediate, yes," Kor said.
I shook my head. "I could not approach Thirukedi's soul, even in imitation." His lack of reply suggested, irritatingly, that he felt the conclusion too foregone to need argument, so I continued, "There was another reason?"
He looked up at me and his voice was hushed. "You called me Kor when you thanked me for your Correction."
Startled, I thought back to the bath and realized he was right. At some point in my heart, Kor and Shame had become whole: one being, an Ai-Naidari, someone I could know, someone I could encompass in my heart, in my mind. A person, not a virtue to be worshipped. I looked at him. "You cannot continue as you are."
"I know," he said. "I will deliver myself to Thirukedi's wisdom when we return to the capital."
"Yes," I said. "That would be best..." And trailed off.
Of course, Shame should return to Thirukedi to be mended...
To be mended.
It took my breath from my mouth. How had He known? And what would He have me do, now that I knew what afflicted Shame, now that I was here? For He had sent me, and that meant His hand was in this room, as surely as if He Himself had stretched it nigh.
"Farren?" Kor said, concern sharpening his voice, as surely it must. My expression... ancestors alone knew what was reflected on my face. I shook myself and turned my gaze on my companion. He had begun the mending, I thought; he had called me shinje, and that is not a casual thing. He was willing. And we had touched, though the passion of the moment had dictated that permission.
An Ai-Naidari accustomed to holding himself apart. Like the fractured pot, coming apart at its crack. Very well, then... someone must draw him back together. And we know, very well, how that is accomplished.
Before I lost the boldness of my revelation, I offered my crossed wrists, palm up, and said, "I would allow freedom-of-touch."
From his expression, I had at last shocked Shame. Some of you know ajzelin, aunera...
This is how one makes the offer to become them.
"Is this wise?" he asked.
I met his gaze and said, "Love is the foundation of society."
"Foundations crack," he said.
"Shall we cease to build, then?" I said.
He reached, rested his hands on my, palm to palm. I breathed out...
...and then he yanked me from my feet and into his arms, and the suddenness of it cramped the breath I tried to take. I made a noise against his hair and dug my hands into his naked back, shoving the fur aside until I found skin, until I could feel the hard plates of his shoulder-blades resisting my fingertips. He had a hand on my skull, under the weight of my hair, knotted, and he was shaking. I thought: gods, is he...
And then he spoke against my shoulder. "An aphorism, Farren? Really?"
"Of course," I answered. "What else?"
It burst free of him then: he was laughing, and then I was too, and we were laughing so hard it hurt as much as our embrace, and it went on and on until my ribs burned beneath my skin and a white ache built in my diaphragm. I sat abruptly on his bed and he sat next to me, hip to hip, and we panted through the last of our chuckles.
"Kor," I said, when I could talk again. "Kor, you need a lover."
He snorted. "And what has made you think this, or are you noticing things that ought not to be noticed?"
(We have a single word for that, aunera. You will find it under ievanset.)
"Nothing so uncouth," I said. "But there is too much in you that needs release. Ajan—"
"—is like a younger brother to me," Kor said.
"—is not your younger brother, and that is just a comfortable story you tell yourself to make it easier to maintain your distance," I said firmly. "He would cut himself for the chance at your bed, and he is well and again old enough for the privilege... and young enough to keep you well-exercised."
"Gods, Farren," Kor said, starting to laugh again. "Do you speak this way to everyone, or is it just me that inspires your blunt speech?"
"Oh, it's just you," I said, folding my arms. "You exasperate me."
This started a new paroxysm of laughter. He went flat on his back on the bed to indulge in it, until even my mouth started twitching. I poked him gently in the stomach. "Stop, or you will start me off again, and my aged and decrepit body cannot take much more."
"Your aged... and decrepit... body..." Kor said, wiping his eyes.
I pressed on my cheek to keep the smile from growing. "I am an artist, we indulge in hyperbole, now and then."
