Suddenly it struck her how different Elena looked. Felicity had been trying to put her finger on it for weeks, but it was right there. Elena had such a lightness to her now. Gone were the constant stress lines and down-turned corners of her mouth as she flayed incompetent employees. Elena had always had a bit of darkness to her. It was a little compelling, a little frightening. But now she seemed…settled?
“What’s happened to you?” Felicity blurted.
“You really don’t know?” Elena asked, surprise in her eyes.
No denial. Felicity stared at her, completely perplexed.
“Well, how interesting. I can see that you don’t.” A ghost of a smile danced across her lips. “I’ll let you work it out for yourself. Anyway, right now I think it’s best if we focus on you. Listen to someone who once only ever cared about showing CQ magazine that they’d made a terrible mistake not appointing me its editor. Everything I built”—she waved around the office—“was to that end. I made sure nothing stood in my way. Not even my own weaknesses.”
Weaknesses? Elena had no discernible weaknesses that Felicity could see. Unless you counted her appalling taste in men. She shot her a baffled look.
“I can see you debating whether to tell me I have no weaknesses.” Amusement danced in Elena’s eyes. “Of course I do, even if I don’t advertise them. Why do you think I named myself COO, not CEO, when I set up Bartell Corp?”
Felicity blinked. She’d heard Elena’s standard answer on this many times. “You like to focus on what inspires you and outsource the rest. So you structured your company so that the CEO would handle all the financials, day-to-day running, paperwork, and minor boardroom matters, freeing you up for the hands-on work, takeovers, and policy direction.”
“That’s the official line. But it’s not entirely true.” Elena gave a small, rueful smile. “Felicity, I went from an editorial job on a fashion magazine to having my own corporation in mere months. I had only a rudimentary knowledge about running a business in those days. My knowledge gaps were vast. So everything I did, including setting aside my ego to appoint someone else CEO—someone experienced and skilled where I wasn’t—was about ensuring my victory. I was determined to prove CQ wrong about overlooking me, no matter the cost.”
“And you sure showed them,” Felicity said with a grim nod. “Good. They deserved to have their stupid noses rubbed in it.”
Elena’s eyes sparkled. “Your enthusiastic support is appreciated. And yes, for a long time, I felt they deserved the constant reminder of their foolishness. But one day, not too long ago, I realized something: they don’t think of me at all. All of my empire building has been to prove something to people who’ve long since moved on. Well, except CQ’s editor, of course. Lecoq does deserve a little nose-rubbing; she’s still so obnoxious about having the job I should have had.”
“She really is,” Felicity agreed with an adamant nod.
Elena laughed again, and Felicity was struck by how rarely she’d been privy to this side of her. She laughs more.
“I feel like in some ways I’ve let you down,” Elena said, expression becoming serious. “I haven’t been modeling a very well-rounded boss for you to learn from all these years. But I hope in recent weeks you’ve come to understand that being a leader is more than just carrying on like an ice-breathing dragon waving your power around. I hope you see now that it’s about nuance, too. In fact, it’s almost all nuance, if you really look at what good leadership is.”
Felicity nodded. “I’m beginning to see that.”
“Which brings me back to your vet. She means something to you. Tell me, is it just pride that prevents you from being with her now?”
“She thinks all I’m interested in is ambition.”
“And are you?”
“No!” Felicity shot back instantly. She gasped. “No,” she repeated, realizing that actually felt true. Since when? Half an hour ago she’d been convincing herself of the opposite.
“Then it seems to me you have a choice. Show her she’s wrong about you. Or do absolutely nothing. Those are your options. But understand that if you want to know what your life will be like in ten years, change nothing now.”
In ten years, Felicity could see herself still as acting COO. Hell, maybe even actual COO, if Elena was feeling benevolent and formalized the position. And…and— What else? Lonely nights watching Netflix, night after night, remembering a time when an amazing woman had been in her arms.
“Think about it. But remember, the only person you have to impress here is you,” Elena said. “I’m already impressed, Felicity. You understand that, don’t you? I would never have given you the keys to my empire otherwise. But now it’s up to you to find your own path. Sometimes that means admitting your weaknesses and deciphering what makes you better. Because it’s not just about winning. Anyone can win if they care about little else. It’s about determining what makes you happiest…then pursuing it.”
Felicity nodded slowly, even as part of her brain recoiled from the unexpected compliment. She’d pick it apart later. “I can do that.”
“Can you? You know, it took me a long time to even recognize what happiness looked like. And then…” She stopped, giving Felicity an appraising look. “Well, a story for another day. As for now, I have to go. Madeleine has decided I need to see some artsy new Jean-Claude Badour movie without which my life will be incomplete.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes. Eight Little Pieces. It sounds positively dreary, but I can’t have an incomplete life now, can I? Perish the thought. All right.” Elena rose, pivoting her now-vacated executive chair Felicity’s way. “This and everything it stands for is now yours. Use it wisely. And remember, every now and then, listen to your heart as well as your head. You might be surprised at what you find. All right?”
“Yes.”
“Good.” With eyes twinkling, Elena added, “We’re done.”
CHAPTER 16
What Lies Below
Felicity was at a loss after Elena left the office. It felt upside down to be told happiness was the answer, not ambition, after a lifetime of following the latter. But one truth she knew was that Elena tended to be right on most things. That only made this feeling even more unsettling.
She picked over their conversation later that night as she cradled Loki in her lap, stroking beautiful white fur. She told herself she’d simply borrowed the kitten, much as one would a library book. The animal would be returned shortly, but for now the therapeutic purring was doing wonders for her seesawing mental state.
Felicity apparently had her boss’s approval now. That felt…incredible. Her gaze drifted to her apartment’s impressive view. Maybe she’d had the approval for a long time and never noticed. She had never made partner in her law firm, her first ambition. But she’d made it to the very top of the world’s premier media corporation. What was left to do? Who was she trying to impress now, if not her father, herself, or Elena? What ambition came next?
Obviously, her immediate goal was to keep Bartell Corp running smoothly, but Elena had set so many systems and processes in place to ensure that would happen with or without her presence that all Felicity was really doing was resting her hand on the tiller.
It was revelatory to hear Elena admit she’d only built up her corporation out of spite. That sense of “I’ll show you.” Felicity related to that a little too well. She could admit her lawyer dreams had only been to prove to her father she was worthy. When his indifference threatened to overwhelm her, she’d gone all in, working even harder to impress him. And then the bastard had died on her before he’d uttered a single “well done.”
So she’d just kept on doing what she always had—climbing ever higher, pushing away anyone and anything impeding her progress. But now even Elena Bartell had sat her down and told her that she’d already been where Felicity was, had looked around from the top of the world, and discovered there was more to life. Below.
That was why Elena had made the astonishing decision to walk away from her vast empire and seek out her first love. True happiness for Elena had always been editing fashion. Now she’d thrown down the gauntlet to Felicity with a challenge to find her own contentment.
Felicity looked at Loki and wondered. What is happiness to me?
Do I even know?
Obviously it was something below, too, because Felicity was already at the top, and she didn’t feel even remotely happy.
She tried to think back over all the times she’d ever been truly happy.
Her first day at Bartell Corp was one. But that had more been pride in her own achievements.
Her sister, Heather, who worked in a small herbology place in Ann Arbor, was the picture of happiness. With her hippie husband and three exuberant children exactly like her, Heather’s smile rarely wavered.
Heather often told Felicity to relax more. Felicity had also heard that often enough growing up from her mother, Louise.
Louise was a biophysicist who’d left her esteemed university professorship to manage the Leslie Science & Nature Center. As far as Felicity could tell, the organization oversaw programs to introduce snotty schoolchildren to animals and plants to encourage them to love nature and get involved in STEM subjects.
Last she’d heard, her mother was plotting ways for local businesses to adopt owls and lease reptiles for parties. Or was it the other way around? Leasing owls and adopting reptiles? Either way, it was an absurd waste of her mother’s brilliant brain, a fact she reminded her of on a regular basis.
How could either her mother or sister actually be happy about their careers? Heather had soundly beaten Felicity in school on all subjects, and yet she was prodding plant leaves for a living. Which brought Felicity back to Cooper. Imagine being given the choice of running her own charity any way she saw fit and choosing the hand-up-dog-backside option.
Felicity shuddered. And yet…Cooper, too, claimed to be happy with her choice. A choice that had no power over the direction her job took, over the programs that were implemented, and where money was spent. It made no sense wanting that. Felicity needed something so incomprehensible explained in detail. She grabbed her phone, navigated to her favorited contacts, and she tapped the first icon.
“Darling!” came her mother’s voice. “I was just saying to Heather how you never call and that you dodged my birthday call last month, too. But look!”
“Hi, Mom.” Felicity rolled her eyes. She called plenty. First of the month without fail. And birthdays were overrated. “Have I phoned at a bad time?”
