Elena regarded her. “Yes.”
“But not news features.”
“That too. You’re an excellent journalist. As I explained in one of my emails to you in Vietnam. Did you not believe me?”
“I thought you were just trying to talk me into coming home.”
“Oh, I was.” Elena shot her a sheepish look, which she turned into an eye roll. “But still, I meant it. You’re one of the best reporters I have ever seen. I’m not sure how I failed to notice your drive for excellence in New York.”
“Well to be fair, you were right. I was inconsistent—on account of being miserably homesick.” She studied Elena. “You seriously think I’m one of the best?”
“You surely don’t need my approval anymore, do you? You have to know by now. From others. It’s not just me saying it.”
Maddie thought about that. She’d received a lot of accolades lately. “That’s true, but it’s just that your opinion means a lot to me. I think sometimes I really need to hear the words from you.”
There was a silence as the unspoken question sat between them. What Maddie was really asking for. It had been months of flirting, dating, making love. She had no doubt she was madly in love. The mere thought of Elena drove her to distraction; she was like air, she needed her so much. But what did Elena feel?
Elena’s fingers found the grey linen material of her own pants and brushed them down. “I appreciate beauty in the world more than anything else, Madeleine.” She looked her in the eye. “And all I ever want to be is with you. Doesn’t that tell you something?”
“It tells me you find me beautiful. And I love that, but…” If she’s not ready, she’s not ready. “Hey, never mind. It doesn’t matter.”
Except it did matter. Maddie looked down.
“I used to think I had all the answers,” Elena said slowly. “Before I met you, I used to think I was so brutally honest. I wielded the truth like a weapon. Now I see that the truest thing I know is all the lies we tell ourselves. It’s terrifying—like seeing tiny cracks in a glass window, everywhere I look. Now, I don’t trust myself anymore. I’ve lost faith in my own perception. My world view is forever shattered.”
“Because you didn’t know about Richard.”
“Because I still worry that I did know. I’m torturing myself with the thought that, somewhere deep inside, a part of me was aware, and I told myself lies to avoid facing it. So you see, I don’t have faith any longer. My opinions on personal matters don’t feel sound. But I know this: when I look at you, you’re all I want to look at. I know that when we’re together, I don’t want to leave. But I don’t know if I can trust what these feelings mean. Do you understand? It feels like…my foundations are cracked.”
Maddie took in the uncharacteristic hesitation in her voice. “You need time. To believe again.”
Elena nodded. “In the meantime, can’t you see the truth, whatever that may be, when you look at me?”
“I can. I do see it.” Maddie had often thought the warmth in Elena’s eyes told her more than her words. “Thank you for explaining how you feel. And thanks for sharing your home with me today. I am pretty sure I get way more work done with Sydney Harbour to look out at. Do you know I have a snow dome of almost this exact view?”
She petered out when a strange look crossed Elena’s face.
“What is it?” Maddie asked.
“It’s nothing. I just realised how much I was looking forward to you being here. That’s never happened before. I used to find having anyone around me at home stressful.”
“I am pretty easygoing.” Maddie smiled. “I’m just like Oscar but with better breath and no hang-ups about store-brand food.”
Elena ran the backs of her fingers along Maddie’s bare arm. “Well, I do appreciate your coat. And it’s rather useful that you’re house-trained.” She scooped her dog from Maddie’s lap and deposited him on the floor. Oscar protested with a half-hearted yip but then settled into a ball in front of them and went back to sleep. Elena stretched out beside Maddie then curled herself around her.
“Want to go out tonight?” she asked, closing her eyes. “I’ve been invited to opening night for a new play at Belvoir St Theatre.”
Maddie studied her serene face, still amazed she was allowed to see her like this. She slipped her fingers through her dark hair. “No, thanks. Not when you’re in my arms like this. Where’s the incentive to let go?”
“Stay in, then? I have to make a few calls, tie up some loose ends, sign off on a deal, and bring back flares, but I’d appreciate some company later.”
Maddie playfully slapped her arm. “Elena! You are not bringing back flares.”
“Only over my dead body.” She smiled, fluttered her eyes open, and gazed up into Maddie’s face. “But the offer stands. Stay here? Unless you had plans?”
“I do have plans. A new vegetable slice recipe I want to try out on you that Mum gave me and says you’ll love. How she assumes she knows your palate is a complete mystery.”
“Well, we did bond that one time, discussing your birthday.”
“Mmm. Well, we’ll find out if she’s right. I just have a few more quotes to type up. I can work on the rest of my story tomorrow.”
“You could do your story from here tomorrow, too. Or longer if you wanted.” Elena hesitated. “There’s a spare study upstairs that’s just gathering dust, so you wouldn’t have to compete with Oscar on the sofa for real estate. And a guest room next to it if you just needed to have some time out. Or my room if you prefer. Stay as long as you like. Besides, I also have it from a reliable source that Sydney Harbour views are good for writing.”
Maddie paused. Did she just…? She searched Elena’s face, her heart starting to race. “Elena? I’m sorry if I’m reading this all wrong, but are you asking me to move in?”
“That depends.”
“On?”
“Whether you’ll say yes.” Elena fiddled with her blouse sleeve. “I know you have your own life, and you probably don’t want to give up your independence. I’m sure you like that Simon can just drop over whenever he wants now. I know he’s important to you. Friends should be. But that wouldn’t have to change. I think I’d very much like to share my life with someone I… Someone I respect, who challenges me, who I care about, appreciate, and who I can’t seem to tolerate not being near. So, if you feel the same way…”
Maddie sat up straight. “Ask me, then. Because the inside scoop is I’ll probably say yes.”
Elena didn’t ask. She was too busy kissing her.
Maddie had no complaints.
CHAPTER 36
