Then she cried so much she couldn’t speak, all the tears she’d kept pent up even when she was on her childbed, even when her son was taken away. It didn’t matter. She had said enough.
I fulfilled the rest of my duties with my heart armoured in steel. On August 14th I went to St Mary’s and stood in the shadows to witness the baptism of Thomas Ward, a foundling. Neither Mr Sharland nor the nursemaid appeared to notice me. On August 15th the Royalties arrived from Windsor and took up their summer residence, and on the 16th I was summoned to Gloucester Lodge to admire the spectacle of Princess Charlotte, four years old, being doted upon by her aunts. Only Minny asked how Sofy did.
I said, ‘Come and see for yourself. It’s no distance.’
‘I’d like to,’ she said, ‘but you see the difficulty? Her Majesty doesn’t want the arrangements brought to people’s notice.’
Such was the working of the Queen’s mind. She believed that whatever she chose not to see must be invisible to everyone else.
I said, ‘But you realize the whole town knows?’
‘Does it?’ she said. ‘Yes, I suppose it must. But people don’t speak of it, that’s the main thing, out of consideration for Their Majesties.’
Out of consideration for their own pockets too, for despite the Royalties bringing their own provisions, their presence was still worth a good deal to Weymouth’s tradesmen.
Sofy took her first public airing on the 17th. We walked a short way along the sands. Ernie Cumberland accompanied us and she leaned heavily on his arm. By the 19th she felt strong enough to go a little further.
‘Just with Nellie today,’ she said. ‘I want to hear all about her husband and her new house. I’ve quite neglected her lately.’
I suggested we go as far as the harbour but she had other ideas.
‘Take me to the tailor’s shop,’ she said. ‘I know that’s where he is.’
At first I was afraid to do it. I thought it might set her back and bring on her old spasms, but she was quite resolved, whether I helped her or not, and then it occurred to me that it might put her mind at rest, to see for herself where her son was. Mrs Sharland was in the street, talking to a neighbour. They noticed us approaching and Mrs Sharland ran inside, to close the door, I supposed, and save a painful encounter. But as we drew closer she reappeared and the nursemaid too, with a bundle in her arms. Sofy put on the performance of her life.
‘This is a very young baby,’ she said. ‘What’s his name?’
‘Tommy,’ Mrs Sharland said. ‘He’s two weeks old, ma’am, as far as we can say. He was left on our step and we’ve taken him in, so if ever his mother should come looking for him, she’ll find him where she left him.’
Sofy said, ‘You’re very good.’
She took his little fingers in hers for a moment, then we walked on.
‘Well,’ she said, ‘did you ever see such a handsome child? And strong. Did you see how he gripped my hand? He’ll be a soldier, for certain.’
I said, ‘You managed very well, Sofy.’
‘Did I?’ she said. ‘Yes, I think I did. And it’s all so very convenient. I shall be able to walk this way any time I’m in Weymouth and observe how he grows. Ernie has really arranged things so considerately.’
I was certain it was Garth who’d made the arrangements. Mr Sharland was a steady, family man, known in the town but not too well known, and he was a reserve in the Dorset Yeomanry, the kind of man another soldier might apply to. But Ernie Cumberland got the credit.
I said, ‘You were very unlucky, to go with a man just once and catch for a baby.’
‘Oh but it wasn’t once,’ she said. ‘It was three times at least, for I found it such a pleasure, but then we agreed we must leave off because, you know, we might be found out. I’m sure Che began to be suspicious.’
‘And you knew he cared for you? You knew before?’
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘He has always loved me, Nellie, and always will. And now we have a son. I have to be content with that.’
It was offered that Tom Garth be sent for, to drive me to Dorchester, but I declined. I had no wish to see him. There was a Jersey Mail leaving next morning that would take me as far as Kensington.
‘It will get me home sooner,’ I told them. ‘And with no inconvenience to Garth.’
Mrs Che walked with me to the Crown Inn.
She said, ‘Your husband will be glad to see you. And the ladies who come through the doors of his shop. They’ll all be eager for news of the Royal Highnesses, I’m sure. I need hardly say, Nellie, when they enquire, your visit has been entirely without incident.’
18
‘And?’ Jack said. That was his greeting.
I said, ‘Nothing much.’
He said, ‘A month’s a long time for nothing much. Did they pay your fare?’
Miss Tod wasn’t so easily thrown off. She surmised that Sofy was suffering from the King’s complaint and I allowed her to believe it had been something of that kind.
‘As long as it doesn’t rebound on you, Nellie,’ she said. ‘For you know, after the King recovered from his derangement there were good men, pages and suchlike, lost their positions, and all because of what they’d seen.’
I said, ‘Just as well then that I don’t have a position to lose.’ Jack often worked until after ten. Then he’d come home, too tired to speak, and go to bed on nothing more than bread and cheese. We had a pretty dining room at Seymour Street but it was never used. He was still at the shop that night and Ambrose with him, trying out new ices for the winter season, and I was alone with my journal. I poured into it my bitterness at Sofy and Tom Garth, and wrote it so it would seem like a novel in the event anyone should find it and be interested enough to read it. One evening I was deep in a trough of self pity when Morphew came puffing and panting up the scullery stairs, calling for me.
‘Oh Miss Nellie,’ he cried, ‘there’s news come just now from Hammersmith and I’d have gave anything not to be the bearer of it. It’s Mr Welche, God bless him.’
Papi was dead.
I said, ‘Why didn’t Jack come? Does he know?’
Morphew said, ‘He’s got a barrel of cream ice he dussen’t stop churning, but never you mind. Do you get your bonnet and wrap up warm, I’ll drive you directly. Gig’s outside the backhouse door.’
