I laugh. “No. If we were, you would know. I hear it’s an unmistakable feeling—like an anchor being dropped in your gut and at the base of your spine.”
“I sincerely doubt it’s as painful and horrific as you describe.”
I shrug. “It’s just what I’ve heard—and sometimes there are flashes of light and color.” I pinch his ass so he jumps slightly in surprise. “If you’ll release me, maybe we can shower, have some spicy tofu soup and then make our way back here?”
Having fed from Jae is like a palate cleanser. The residual, emotional muck that Ren dumped into me is gone, but I still feel tired. I didn’t have a lot of appointments today. The ones I had, I’ll cancel. I know Jae usually researches and works on the surrogacy program in the mornings, but…
He grins, occasionally wincing as he slowly lifts himself from my shaft. “Lazing about all morning in bed? With you? Yes, please… So sex is back on the table for us?”
Distracted, I carefully take hold of the used condom. “Obviously.” When I have it in my fingers, I scoot toward the end of the bed.
“No—I mean… This isn’t a one-time thing? Like you just wanted a refresher course.”
I’m standing to walk toward the bathroom, but pause and look at him. “I think… if you’re open with me about how you’re feeling, maybe we’re okay? Since you’re not fully awakened… we don’t need to be so strict.” And deep down—deep, deep down—I tell myself that if it happens… it happens.
Jae falls back, smiling as he stretches his arms up over his head and writhes against the comforter, happy and naked. “I promise to tell you everything—open communication. No secrets… Are you sleeping with anyone else? Currently?”
I’m in the bathroom, but I still hear him. “No.” I poke my head through the frame. “Are you?”
Jae spins himself and flips so that he’s lying on his stomach and facing me. His feet are in the air behind him and he’s resting on his elbows. “Nope. I don’t want to.”
I smirk at his matter-of-fact response. He’s watching me like he wants to say something else. When he doesn’t, I ask, “Are you showering with me?” He nods and scoots to the edge of the bed. As he walks toward me, I’m already thinking about how I’m going to make him come a third time before we finish this shower situation.
I would say that every time Jae cooks, it’s like eating at a restaurant. But it’s not. It’s better. As if each dish is especially made with his unique style—flavorful, filling and light. He’s not heavy-handed with seasonings, so it’s always just right.
We’re showered, well fed and in my bed again. Clothed this time—comfortable in sweats and long-sleeved shirts. I’m lying on my back against the pillows with my hands cradling my head. Jae is sitting upright beside me with his legs folded. Our only points of physical contact are his left thigh resting against mine and his left hand snaked underneath my shirt. He has his palm on my stomach, gently caressing his fingers against my flesh—in and around my belly button. He switches back and forth between playing my abdomen like a piano and rubbing me like I’m a very good boy.
“What happened to you?” he asks, his expression serious but sincere. “What was wrong last night?”
I suspect he’s been wanting to ask this question since before we took a shower but kept hesitating. Jae is good about reading the room and finding the right moment to say something—our first dinner date excluded.
I inhale deep then blow it out. “Ren acted like a shithead yesterday when I went to feed from him.”
“How so?”
“Well, let’s see… He physically assaulted me and exerted his rank over me by suppressing me with his aura, dumped his twisted emotions into me when he fed then sent me on my way without letting me feed.”
“Christ, Jun…”
I shrug. “He’s usually a self-absorbed wretch of a creature, but yesterday was especially malicious.”
“Why?”
I consider that for a moment, and everything Ren said to me. Bottom line? “He wants me but I don’t want him. Technically, we should have bonded a long time ago.”
Jae nods. “You told me that. I remember…”
“It’ll never happen. I haven’t even slept with him in decades. I thought he understood where I was coming from, but apparently he’s just been ‘letting me play’ all this time—like I’m his fucking pet and he’s always been the one in control. Now he’s done with that, it seems. He’s insane.”
Jae’s hand hasn’t moved in a couple minutes—just resting flat against my stomach as he stares at me, worried. “When you say he ‘suppressed’ you, what do you mean?”
“Purebreds can radiate their vampiric energy outward. And if their blood is especially clean, they can manipulate it in such a way where it’s like having unique powers. It’s originated in their blood and emotions, and they can use it to compel or control their prey—to make some poor sap do what they wish by force. It feels like shit and it’s painful.”
“It sounds terrible.”
“I hate it.”
“So, what will you do?” Jae asks.
I shift my hands from behind my head, rubbing them down my face from stress. I had pushed the reality of it aside until now. “I need to quit him, obviously.”
“Right. He’s legitimately abusive, Jun. Physically and emotionally.”
“I know. It’s just… It’s easier said than done. I won’t go back. I won’t. But… I don’t know what that means. How my body will respond to that decision.”
Finding another first-gen or lower-ranked vampire to feed from would be pretty easy. But how long before my body starts to act up? And can I successfully push through the withdrawal? How long will I have to suffer before I can function normally? Comfortably? I’m stressed just thinking about all this shit.
When I flick my eyes back up to Jae, he has that look again—like he wants to say something but he’s hesitating. I reach my hand down and meet his underneath my shirt, wrapping my fingers around his. “What is it? Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Thirty-Two
Jae
I’m thinking two things. One—I never want Jun to go see Ren again. Ever. I know there’s a hierarchy within vampire culture, but it’s difficult for me to imagine anyone subjugating Jun. He’s confident and independent. Debonair. He’s such a mentally strong person that anyone getting the better of him—no, abusing him—is beyond me. I can’t fathom it.
Two, I clench Jun’s hand a little tighter at his stomach. “I know I’m not quite out of the oven yet, but… when you feed from me, is it satisfying? Are you fulfilled in your nature?”
