Yukiko sits back, her nose upturned, fully affronted. “Ew, God, Doctor Davies, please. I’m not going to feed from anyone—so embarrassing.”
I absolutely think she would try feeding from someone. She fed from her dog. “Alright, I just want to give you the warning. Have fun at the party. I’ll see you next week, same time.”
She leans toward the screen again, not quite as close as before but enough to command my full attention. “When are you coming back to Japan?”
Taking a deep breath, I swallow. “Not any time soon, but thankfully, we have this technology to continue our appointments together. I’ll see you next week, okay?”
Yukiko nods, seemingly satisfied with my ambiguous answer. “Okay… Thanks, Doctor Davies.”
I end the call and start my notes on our session. I’ve got about fifteen minutes before my meeting with the hospital’s CFO to talk about the reimbursement process for approved surrogates. We’re only doing a test run now, one couple—Haruka and Nino—and using this process as a model for all others. It’s been great, but I’m running into all kinds of snags and little details I hadn’t foreseen during my initial proposal, which is natural.
“Oi, are you hungry? Should I order a pizza? Will you actually eat it?” Cyrus is leaning against the doorframe. “Are you in between meetings?”
“No, sure, maybe, yes.” I stop writing and turn to look at him. He’s grinning at me like a Cheshire cat as he walks into the room to stand beside me.
“I like maybe.” He sits against the window ledge beside my desk. I’ve set my office up in the room off the back of the house, which was my old bedroom. It’s nice because I have a view of our back garden and all the trees lining the edge of the woods. It’s pretty and full of emergent green leaves. Not a full canopy yet.
“Eating is good, Jae. Your new purebred body is looking a bit thin—handsome devil, you. When are you getting your bloody hair cut, by the way? Is it in a little bun right now? Jesus. You look like a coffee shop barista in fucking Shoreditch.”
I’m just staring up at him, because it’s like he’s having his own conversation and I don’t need to participate. He smirks. “Now you’re giving me resting vampire face.”
“What do you need? I have a meeting soon.” I told Cyrus what I was in early December, just before coming back home to Bristol. The lease I had with the renters in the cottage was up. Perfect timing, I suppose. I asked my supervisor at the hospital if he would let me see my patients virtually. He agreed, but only short term. I don’t have a long-term plan at the moment.
Also, Cy wasn’t very surprised when I told him I was a vampire. He said it actually made more sense than me being human, which I didn’t know how to take.
“I wanted to ask you about dinner… and tell you that I’m having my fifth date later this week with Benjamin. Which is fantastic.” Cyrus wiggles his thick eyebrows.
“I didn’t know we were counting? Very nice, Cy.”
Now he sits forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. “You know what I tried recently?”
“What?”
“Anal sex.”
I choke. “Fucking hell—I thought you were going to say escargot or yoga.”
Cyrus laughs. “I’ve tried both of those things, but I’d never had anal sex. It was just alright, honestly.”
“I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“Ah, c’mon, Jae! I don’t have anyone else to ask—my parents and sister have been shockingly supportive, but I obviously cannot talk about this with them. I wasn’t really into it, but it feels like I have to do it, right? Like it’s mandatory.”
“It is not. There are loads of ways to enjoy and have sex. You just need to establish as much with your partner.”
Bobbing his head, Cyrus purses his lips as if he’s deeply contemplating what I’ve just said, which is good. But then he looks at me and says, “So… do you have a preference—”
“Let’s not, Cy, alright? Absolutely not.”
He stands, laughing as he reaches and pats me on the shoulder. “You’re even more tetchy now that you’re a vampire. I’m going to order that pizza and warm up a blood bag for you, yeah? A new box just arrived. Stop obsessing over your work and come downstairs with me. Take a break, mate.”
“After this meeting—” My phone buzzes against my desk and I lean to see who it is. Reading the screen, I take a breath, then pick my pen back up to finish my journal notes on Yukiko before the meeting with the CFO.
“Are you still ignoring Daddy Long Legs?” Cyrus asks. “He’s persistent for someone who told you to shove off. How often does he ring you?”
“I don’t know… maybe twice a week.”
“Do you ever call him?”
“No.”
“Hm. He genuinely cares about you, but old Cy is here to properly look after our man. You’ve only been a vampire for four months, Jae—and I’m older than you. You’ll live on, but until the day I die I will always be older than you. Don’t ever forget that. Respect your elder.”
“God, that’s depressing.” I frown. “You’re such a weird chap, you know that?”
Cyrus chuckles, walking toward the door. “Of course I am. My best mate is a fucking purebred vampire. There must be some side effects from being around you my entire life… like constantly standing in front of a microwave.”
Shaking my head, I close my journal and place it aside, then grab my mouse and maneuver to the application for my virtual meeting.
Jun and I, well, we talk fairly often. He calls or messages me, and sometimes we video chat if our schedules match up.
My body… This new body is constantly talking to me. Not literally, but I have urges and sensations and very strong reactions to things. If I’ve gone too long without feeding, it makes this fact very clear. My throat aches and my incisors pulse and throb. I start to get that dried-out-sponge feeling, which scares the shit out of me. I still have PTSD from that first time.
I know now that all of this communication comes from my “nature.” The twisty, melty thing that’s always been in my gut is all through me, and it’s noisy. Especially if I’m talking to or even thinking about Junichi. Just hearing his voice instantly sparks the visceral memories I have from being in his presence: what it felt like to be near his warmth and tangled between his thick legs on his cool sheets with the smell of him all around me. The taste of his sweet, lavender and earthy blood. Having his large hands sliding up and down my back or across my stomach—the intense pleasure of him pulsing inside me as his lips brush against mine.
All of it rushes back to me and consumes me, my nature writhing and having a fit from want of it. But I have to sit there and pretend like none of it is happening. Like I’m not about to burst at the seams from this intense desire for this creature that I cannot have. That helped to awaken me but doesn’t want anything to do with me because of what I am.
It’s shit, honestly.
I take a deep breath and roll my shoulders. I don’t like thinking about Junichi because there’s absolutely nothing I can do about that situation. I’ve shown him all my cards. I trusted him and was completely open with him. I kissed him with everything I had and I never held back—dancing bachata with him and cooking in his house. Buying new clothes and climbing into his lap after he’d bitten himself for me. Pathetic. I’ve had four months to obsess over my behavior, and every time I think back, I cringe. I feel like a complete idiot.
When you love someone like that and put your all into it but they don’t reciprocate, that’s all there is. I’d be a fool to keep chasing after him when he doesn’t want me. I’m not doing it anymore.
I order blood from a company called Premablood. This company has been around for a long time and was created to help discourage low-level vampires from randomly feeding off and attacking humans. It’s worked well, actually. But they don’t advertise in every country. In some markets they aren’t needed because the vampire population is high and the community takes care of itself. For instance, in Japan, it isn’t necessary, and I’ve never recommended it or used it for my patients.
In England, however, this company is absolutely necessary.
They never get requests from purebreds, so they needed to mix a unique blend of synthetic blood to meet my nutritional needs. And that’s all it does—meets my basic, fundamental needs. It’s nothing like when I would feed from Junichi. Imagine getting a plastic bag of cold, congealed, factory-made gravy with no spices. It’s like that. If I warm it up, the consistency is a little better, but it still tastes like nothing.
I went to London two months ago to visit Cy. He always makes the trek out here to see me, but he finally talked me into coming into the city and going out with him. Haruka asked me to keep a low profile, and I do. But Cy kept pestering me.
Anyway, I ended up meeting a woman. Second-gen. Technically, her bloodline isn’t high enough to satisfy me. Haruka explained as much before I left Japan (which he was not pleased about). The woman and I talked at the bar, one thing led to another, and she offered herself and I tried. She tasted better than the bags, but I felt wretched the next day. Horrible stomachache and chills. It’s like my nature was irate, screaming, “Let’s not do that ever again, please!”
When I’m done with my meeting and head downstairs, Cy has the pizza on the table in the breakfast nook and a mug of warm synthetic blood is beside my plate. He thinks he needs to come out here and check on me like this, but I’m alright. I’m just working on the surrogacy program and seeing patients virtually. That’s all there is.
“How was the meeting?” Cy is standing over the sink, cleaning out the pot he used to heat my blood and looking over his shoulder. “Are all the surrogate things in order?”
