I sit at the table and take hold of the cup. My teeth are starting to pulse, which is the worst. I take a quick sip of the warm, bland liquid. “Yes. I haven’t told them yet, but we’ve found a match for our test couple. However, now that the surrogate knows who she’ll be carrying for, she’s refusing payment. We’re having a small battle with her about it. We need to set a standard for how much vamps will be compensated—you know, get a sense of the typical expectation. She’s not helping.”

“Maybe this will be the typical situation?” When he’s finished at the sink, he dries his hands and comes to the breakfast nook, sitting on the bench opposite me. He grabs a slice and lifts his chin. “Eat.”

“I’m not going to simultaneously drink blood and eat pizza.” The thought turns my stomach. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to eat. As time goes on, my body and senses become sharper and more vampiric. I don’t have a strong urge to eat like before, but it’s fine. Eating got in the way, taking up time and energy. Now, I can just heat up a cup of blood and keep working.

We sit in silence, with Cy eating his slice of pizza and me staring into space and cupping my mug in my palms, occasionally bringing it to my mouth. When Cy is down to the crust, he says, “Are you at least feeling a little more excited about Italy and the wedding next month?”

“Not particularly.”

“Ah, Jae, it’s your big introduction to the aristocracy! Maybe it won’t be as awful as you’re assuming? Maybe seeing Daddy Long Legs in person will be nice?”

I lift my mug and down the last sip of blood. It’s lukewarm now. And tasteless. Sure. It will be nice to see Junichi. To pretend as if we’re just best mates—like he hasn’t ever been inside me. Looking forward to that.

Everyone who’s anyone will be at Cellina and Giovanni’s wedding next month. The two of them bonded last year, but the formal ceremony will be in Lombardy at a resort off Lake Como. I searched for images of it on the Internet and it’s like something out of a fairy tale. Somewhere I don’t belong. Haruka and Nino will also be there, of course, but they can’t babysit me, can they? So, no. I’m not looking forward to wandering around by myself, or talking to strange creatures three times my age.

My plan is to bring a nice present (what do you give as a gift to creatures who’ve been living for over a century? A new watch?), greet everyone properly, then store myself in a corner and out of the way.

“Hello?”

I blink, meeting Cy’s doe eyes. “Sorry. What?”

He shakes his head. “You’re so out of it, Jae. Has becoming a vampire changed you that much? What can I do? You rarely leave the house, you don’t eat—and you’re so serious all the time. What happened to my quirky and cheerful friend with all his cheesy jokes and weird observations? Is he in there somewhere? I miss him!”

I almost say “He died” to be funny, but it’s not funny. Lifting my hands, I rub my palms against my face and underneath my glasses, feeling the familiar burn welling up in my eyes. I’m shaking my head and I don’t know what’s come over me, but I burst into silent tears. It just takes over sometimes, all the frustration, confusion and sadness I feel.

I don’t know who I am anymore or what I’m doing. Cyrus is here and he visits me. He tries to help, I know. But it’s like I’m on autopilot every day, and I’ve never felt more alone in my entire life. I could deal with this before, when I was human. I was accustomed to it. But now, the loneliness stretches into something like infinity. Like there’s no end to it and I’m stuck.

“Ah shit—I’m sorry, mate. Dammit.” Cy stands and comes to the other side of the bench where I’m sitting. He pats and holds my shoulder, then awkwardly pulls my glasses from my face. “Why do you keep wearing these? You don’t even need them anymore. You said your vision was even better than twenty-twenty?”

Closing my eyes, I inhale deeply, then exhale to compose myself. I haven’t spontaneously cried like this in two weeks. I thought I was getting better. “They’re just… familiar. I’ve been wearing glasses since I was eight. I had clear lenses put in.”

Cyrus is still gripping my shoulder. “Well, I kinda get that. Like a security blanket… But it’s daft.”

“Cheers.”

“No, I mean, I think that’s the problem. You keep rebelling against this new life in all these weird, micro-aggressive ways. If you embrace this—come out to London more, drink blood from real people, stop rereading your mum’s depressing journal and get rid of these damn glasses—you’ll feel better? Live the life your mum couldn’t. You’ve been given something special, you prat. Stop pouting.”

When I talked to my father and let him know that I was a purebred vampire, he didn’t even question it. He told me to go upstairs in the attic and read my mum’s journals. That was his first reaction to my big reveal. Turns out, she knew what she was. They both did. But they didn’t know what to do about it. She didn’t have a Junichi, Haruka or Nino around to sniff her out, because we lived in a country void of ranked vampires. I can’t decide if I feel better or worse after reading about her last days. But it does give me some answers.

I take another deep breath, wiping my face again. I glance over at Cyrus. “I should try. You’re right.”

He squeezes my shoulder, his lips quirking up in a grin. “Of course I am, you beautiful vampire man… God, you’re even hotter than you were before. I could kiss you.”

“Please don’t.”

Forty-One

Junichi

It’s a cool, overcast spring day as Nino and I sit in the front tearoom of the Miyoshi Clan estate. It’s doing that misty rain thing outside where it’s enough to make you wet but not enough for an umbrella without making you feel dramatic.

There’s a large window behind us, drenching the room in gray light as we sit seiza style on thick cushions, waiting for Ren and his father. They made me wait four months for this damn meeting because Ren’s parents were traveling. I stopped feeding from him during that time, though. Actually, I haven’t even seen him since November—since that day he restrained me and acted like a maniac. After Jae left, I started feeding from a first-gen I know locally: a friend of mine, so the arrangement is casual. I also started having the hospital draw my blood and send Ren bags so I don’t have to see him.

It’s been hell. I’m tired all the time and my skin is a weird color. I feed, but I never really feel satisfied in my nature. I needed to do this, though. To at least know that I’m capable, and that I’m not a slave to purebred blood. My life and decisions aren’t just driven by the need or an addiction created by my controlling father.

“Why do you keep staring at your phone?” Nino asks, glancing over at me.

“Because I tried to video-call Jae two days ago and he hasn’t responded or texted me back. He’s ignoring me more and more. I don’t like it.”

Nino adjusts his shoulders, facing forward. “That’s because you ruined his birthday.”

I drop my hands and the phone in my lap. “Would you stop saying that? It doesn’t help.”

“But it’s true. You broke his heart, then he ran away from us when he doesn’t even know how to vampire. I can’t imagine what he’s going through right now.”

“Listen, I wasn’t ready,” I express for the umpteenth time. I feel like all I do is defend myself around him lately. Haruka doesn’t say anything about my choice, but Nino picks at me. It’s like he identifies with Jae in some innate way. “If I need time, I need time. Plus, all this bullshit needed to be cleaned up with Ren. I didn’t tell Jae to leave Japan. I didn’t want him to go, but I can’t simultaneously tell him I need space and ask him to stay close by, like an asshole.”

Nino nods. “Exactly. Think about it, Jae died—physically and metaphorically, because everything he thought he knew about himself, and everything he knew to be true, flipped on its head in a singular day. He wakes up to a brand-new world, a new body, perspective and genealogy with nothing to hold on to, and on that same day, the one person he sincerely trusts says, ‘Can you give me some space?’”

Groaning, I rub my palms against my face. He’s been throwing comments like this at me for months. He’s on a roll now, so I just let him get it out of his system.

“You know the night Haru and I bonded, he freaked out—”

“Yes, Asao told me that story. I know.”

“But what Asao doesn’t know is that Haru held my hand. He was so scared, Jun. Insanely distressed. I had never seen him like that before. I thought he might push me away or be cold toward me because he didn’t want to bond at all. He’d told me as much over and over. But then boom, we ended up in that unexpected situation and he didn’t push me away. He reached over and held my hand. That’s the moment I knew we’d always be fine. That I could trust him and he would never hurt me.”

I sit straighter, folding my arms. “Well, we can’t all be perfect like Haruka.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. I get that Jae being purebred is unexpected. But… you can’t push him away and also be crabby about him not picking up the phone when you call. Either you tell him you want space and leave him alone, or you push through your shit and keep him close. You can’t have it both ways.”

I exhale in a groan again because I know he’s right. I know, but… “Your situation is less complicated because you and Haru are both purebreds. Haru had baggage, but you both came into the relationship on equal footing. It sets a tone.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Nino says. “Haru and I are equals in formal ranking and within the privacy of our nest, but you know his bloodline is much older and cleaner than mine. When we’re out in the aristocracy, it’s subtle, but people treat us differently. When vamps greet us, they direct most of their attention to him. If we get requests for social events, they always request Haruka first. Everyone respects me, too, but that’s just the way it is and how the aristocracy works. But I don’t care about that. What matters is what goes on between the two of us, and Haru has never treated me like I wasn’t his equal. And I seriously doubt Jae would ever look at you that way—”

The paper door to our left slides open, and we both stand up, watching as Ren and his father enter the room. Ren is angry, flat out. His forehead is crinkled and his butterscotch eyes are razor sharp as he looks at me. His robe is more formal today (another one that I made for him), and his hair is neatly pulled back in a sleek, long braid trailing down his spine. When he and his father are in front of us, we all bow at the waist, then sit down on our designated cushions. Ren sits on the cushion in front of me with his mouth twisted, never taking his eyes off me. His father sits beside him and across from Nino, who offers a cautious smile.

“Hello, Miyoshi-san.” Nino politely dips his head. “Thank you for meeting with us today.”

Ren’s father is narrow like a plank, but tall. His silver hair is short, and although his face is cracked and weathered from age, you can still see the notes of beauty beyond the hard lines as he smiles. “It is a pleasure to see you, my young lord, despite the nature of the circumstance that brings us together. It is rare to terminate contracts such as these, but I suppose this has been a long time coming.”

I’m watching Miyoshi-san, but I can feel the heat of Ren’s gaze on my face. I won’t lie, I’m terrified right now. At any given moment, he could flare his aura out and slam my head into the ground. It won’t kill me, but I’d still like to avoid it, if possible. So I refuse to look at him. I just keep flicking my gaze between Nino and Miyoshi-san.

“These situations are rare,” Nino agrees. “But amendable. Since Junichi is breaking the contract set between himself and your family, you can state the conditions upon which you’ll allow this termination. Have you established your terms?”

Now I’m watching Nino as he sits straight, confident in his rust-colored sweater—his palms set calmly against his lap, revealing the beautiful watch on his wrist with a brown leather strap and rose-gold facing. We had a long discussion about who should accompany me as my realm leader and representative for this meeting. It’s fucking ridiculous.

I’m a hundred and thirty years old, but I couldn’t come to this meeting and speak up for myself because I’m first-gen. Even though this is about me and my life, I needed a purebred to speak on my behalf to the other purebreds. The even crazier thing is, I’m fortunate. If I had realm leaders who were assholes, they might make me stay in this arrangement—tell me to honor the contract because they don’t want to waste their precious time dealing with my shit.