I lean down over Jae’s body and into his face so that our noses touch, because I know he likes this and it comforts him. “Sunshine, you need to let your body rest and do what it needs to do. If it wants to sleep, then let it sleep.”
I can feel his breathing slowing, his body becoming slightly less tense. He deeply exhales, relaxing. When I lift, his gaze is soft, delirious, with heavy bags under his chestnut eyes. His hair is matted with sweat, but his overall demeanor is less frantic. He whispers, his voice brittle and dry, “I feel so heavy. Tired…”
“I know.”
“Don’t… Pl-please don’t leave me.”
“I won’t,” I say, smiling. “I’m right here.” My heart is so warm in my chest that my eyes are threatening to alight and betray me again, but I inhale and blow out a breath to quell the rush of emotions. “When you wake up as a shiny new first-gen, let’s talk about our life together.” It’s a bold thing to say, I know, but… I genuinely mean it. I want it. I want him. All of this—this bizarre, unprecedented circumstance is telling me that it’s time to walk away from Ren and purebred blood for good.
Finally, Jae’s expression eases and something like peace washes over his gaze. He smiles, his eyes drifting shut. “Life… together?”
“Yes.” Leaning in, I kiss him softly on the tip of his nose, then on his cheek and up to his temple. When I’m done, he’s deeply asleep. Calm and unmoving.
I sit up straight, watching him. My sleeping prince. Peaceful and lovely in the late autumn sunlight. Haruka walks forward now to stand beside me. He’s looking down at Jae quietly when I ask, “Should he have submitted? Are you sure about this?”
Haruka shrugs. “Mostly.”
“Wow.”
“Is he not much more peaceful now than he was a moment ago?” Haruka reasons. “Regardless of the result, this is obviously better than his suffering.”
“Should I have fed him one last time?”
“You could try now?”
Bringing my hand up to my mouth, I will my fangs out and bite down. When I gently pull Jae’s chin with my free thumb and place the open bite marks down to his mouth, I feel his tongue lap against my skin, and he instinctively sucks. Amazing.
“Why have you decided that Jae will be first-generation when he fully awakens?” Haruka asks.
“It makes the most sense, doesn’t it?” I say quietly, looking down at Jae’s contented, sleeping expression. “Even if his mother was a fully repressed vampire, Jae’s father was human. He can’t help but be lower ranked. I think first-gen is best-case scenario… I’m aiming a little high because his blood tastes so good to me. Maybe we’ll be equals? He could be second or third, though.”
“Hm.” Haruka turns and walks toward the door. I’m about to ask if he disagrees, but he cuts me off. “Sydney has lunch prepared. When you are finished, shall we eat and let Jae rest?”
I feel the holes in my palm heal, so I bring my hand up to my own mouth and lick the rest clean. Jae is sound asleep. “Yeah. How long do you think he’ll sleep?”
“I cannot be sure. Time will tell.”
Thirty-Five
Junichi
“Do I have to go back?” I’ve never thought of myself as a coward. But shit… maybe I am? “Can I just call? Write ‘Fuck you’ on some fancy letterhead and mail it?”
“No—you have to do it in person, Jun,” Asao says, absently twisting his beer glass against the wooden table. “Don’t say ‘Fuck you.’ Send the request directly to Ren’s parents so that they’re primarily involved in the meeting. Avoid talking with him alone since that doesn’t seem to go very well. Haruka or Nino will need to go with you, too, since you’re under their realm and your father is gone.”
“Fuck me.” I sigh, leaning my head back against the booth wall. I should have done this a long time ago. This is what I get.
“Is he still texting you?” Asao asks, bringing his beer to his lips.
“Every damn day.”
It’s Monday. One week since I last saw Ren. Five days since Jae fell asleep. He’s still sleeping now at Haruka’s house. I go to see Jae every day, and I’m close by now—in a bar in the historical quarter a couple blocks from the estate. Jae is lifeless and cold. His breathing is so shallow, I have to lean down and put my ear to his mouth to feel the subtle warmth of it. I do this every time I walk into the room. It’s my new habit. It makes me anxious because he literally seems dead, but Haruka isn’t worried about it, so I keep my cool.
Ren doesn’t usually text me this much. If I’m home, his typical text pattern is once every seven days. He knows I’m probably running on fumes by then and thinks he needs to remind me that I need to feed—like I don’t fucking know that. I still always push it two more days. Three if I can manage it. Just to spite him.
If I’m traveling in Europe, he doesn’t bother me at all, because he knows I’m feeding from some first-gen or whoever. I’m not at my best when I do this, but it’s fine—like what I imagine to be a bad case of seasonal allergies. I feel shitty and unfocused, but I can manage. Plus, Ren will be there to put me back in optimum health once I get home.
He’s harassing me now because he’s worried. Or he feels guilty? I’m not sure if Ren is capable of guilt. That would require his acknowledging fault in something. I went to him for our regularly scheduled feeding that day, and he decided to play fucking games and didn’t feed me. Now it’s been an extra week and I still haven’t been back to feed. He’s getting frantic.
What he doesn’t know is that I fed from Jae the morning before he fell asleep. I admit, I was being greedy. I’d already fed from him Monday morning. Wednesday morning, though, he was naked and sprawled out on his back, taking up half my bed. Fast asleep. He’d been there with me all night, but it was like waking up to something sweet and delicious that had been delivered to me—warm, buttery pancakes with syrup and fresh peaches. Breakfast in bed.
I snuck down underneath the sheets, pushed his ankle up to bend his knee and bit down into the inside of his thigh. Right on the little brown mole that’s always tempting me. He woke up on a sharp inhale, laughing in the golden sunlight and threading his fingers into my hair. Then I did some other things to him because he tasted divine and I couldn’t get enough of him.
I find myself catering to Jae like this all the time. I don’t know why… maybe because he doesn’t demand anything of me, so it’s easy to give freely? Or maybe because I find him so damn delightful? I want to comfort him and make him laugh. It’s strange. I’m not usually a selfish lover, but I’m not usually this unselfish, either. I’m literally pleased pleasing him.
Even though that was five days ago, I still feel great. Stable and energized. My skin tone is the right color and I’m not drying out yet. Maybe this is what it’s like when you’re feeding from someone you don’t secretly despise? Their blood nourishes you better. It soaks in because you’re not internally rejecting it. You can last longer because you feed more frequently.
I asked Nino how long he can go without feeding from Haruka. At first, he said he didn’t know because they feed from each other almost every day. The lovebirds. Must be nice. But then he remembered when he was abducted, it had been five or six days since he’d fed from Haruka and Nino’s health tanked. His body was under severe stress during that time (and his tongue was eventually vanished from his mouth), so he’s not sure if that’s a good example. There was a lot going on.
I’ve been obsessively calculating and spreading out my feedings for decades now. It’s strange to imagine not having to do that. Most vampires don’t do it. I’m an anomaly because of the way I avoid Ren and try to maintain my freedom. This unattached lifestyle comes with a hefty price.
Feeding from Jae twice in the same week… I’ve never been able to do that. Never let myself do it, anyway. I’m sure Ren would be more than happy to feed me multiple times per week—to wrap himself around me like a snake and have me in his suffocating grasp more often. Fuck that. Fuck him.
“Contact his parents,” Asao repeats. “You’re ending a decades-long formal contract, so it’s appropriate for you to do it this way—to sit down with all of them. And you can circumvent Ren’s tantrum.”
I sigh, picking up my beer. “Yeah. You’re right. I have to do it that way.”
Asao smiles. “This is good for you.”
