“Mm.”
“You’re officially choosing le petit doctor?”
“Stop calling him that.”
“He’s cute. He reminds me of a vampire in his twenties—excited and naive. He doesn’t have that ‘dead behind the eyes’ thing we get as we grow older. Like he hasn’t had his heart broken.”
“Nino doesn’t have that either.”
“Nino’s never had his heart broken,” Asao reasons. “The first creature he truly loved, loved him back.”
“I don’t know, old man—we all have our cross to bear. Jae flares up at me occasionally. He has triggers.”
“As do you. You’re ready to bond now?”
My body naturally clenches up at this question. I’ve been thinking it. Letting the idea roll around softly in my mind for over a week now, but I haven’t said it aloud.
“I don’t know. Maybe.” That’s the best I can do for now.
“Wow.” Asao sits back, making a show of his amazement. “That’s huge, Jun. Usually you can’t say ‘no’ fast enough. Like you’re flicking a damn gnat off your shoulder.” He does this now, quickly flicks an imaginary gnat off his shoulder. “No.”
I laugh. “Yeah, yeah.”
“Ren is a self-absorbed brat. But what about le petit doctor is changing your mind? After all these years?”
“Well…” I pause, considering. “He smells good. My nature is drawn to him—”
Asao waves me off. “No no no. This isn’t the first time your nature has been provoked. You’ve ignored that before—coconut blondie, remember? What about Jae makes you give in to it this time?”
He’s right. This thing with Jae… It’s more than just instincts. It started out that way, when I first saw him and felt the immediate attraction and pull. But now, it feels different.
I rarely do work in America, because being a vampire, brown and male there is generally uncomfortable. There are many humans who take offense to that distinct combination, and they aren’t shy about letting me know. But I got a request to design a gown for a pop star in Miami. For the Grammys. She was a purebred vampire of Puerto Rican descent. Pretty female with a small face, petite curvy frame and warm blonde hair down to the center of her back. She was nice and smelled like almonds and toasted coconuts. Delicious.
I didn’t touch her. I felt the pull toward her inside me, my nature flipping all around in my stomach like a fish out of water. She watched me intently with large greenish-gray eyes. She felt it too. But I ignored it. Kept it professional, friendly, and finished the job without flirting with her at all. She was purebred. No fucking way. I never saw her again. She asked me to design another dress for her a few months later and I declined—told her I was too busy. I wasn’t, though. I could have fit her in if I’d wanted to.
A similar thing happened with a first-gen male I met in Morocco. He was the same height as me with deep brown eyes and flawless black skin like midnight. Gorgeous. His scent reminded me of lemon bars with graham cracker crust. What the hell is it with me and desserts? God…
I did touch him. We spent a couple nights together. He offered his blood, so I fed from him because I was in dire need of a decent feeding at that point. His blood tasted like a zesty, creamy smoothie. It was so good it scared the shit out of me. I was only in Morocco for a week, but he got clingy fast. I ended it. I hurt him. He didn’t understand it, and I could see why.
When you find that strong connection in our culture, conventional wisdom says you don’t run away from it. You cling to it. You bond with it. Like I said, though, that’s just never been what I wanted… until now? Maybe?
“Jae snuck up on me. He wasn’t supposed to be a vampire.”
Asao laughs at this and shakes his head. “He got you with your guard down. Le petit sneaky doctor.”
I laugh because the ridiculous nickname is getting longer. Jae isn’t even French. “He didn’t trick me on purpose.”
“Still. You haven’t ditched him.”
“Because he’s different. He’s a vampire with a human mindset. He’s not stuffy and uptight—over-concerned with bloodlines and ranking.”
Asao nods. “That’s true.”
“And he doesn’t make demands of me or constantly talk about bonding. He takes care of lower-ranked vampires and their health. I admire that quality in people. I’ve been living with him for over a month in my home. Asao, I never could have imagined this a few months ago—that I would let another person live with me. And I still don’t feel oppressively chained to him, you know? I feel free, but I also have this intelligent and delicious creature flittering around my house. Like icing on a cake.” Dammit. Desserts again.
“You’re not bonded with him now though,” Asao says. “You think it’ll change if you do? Will the oppression set in?”
I frown. “I don’t know. That’s why I said I don’t know. Maybe I’m not ready—maybe I am? Shit… I want him though. In my house. It’s nice. Comfortable.”
“Like a pet?”
“No—Why are you stirring the pot?”
“I’m not.” Asao shrugs. “I’m helping you clarify your feelings. Getting down to the nitty gritty.”
I smirk, picking up my beer again. “You’re so old. ‘Nitty gritty.’ Who says that shit?”
“Shut up. You’re in love with Jae.”
I take a long sip of my beer. “Love is a big word. Heavy.”
“You’re not ready.” Asao sits back, his arms folded. “I’ll give you a tip. When you can admit that much, you’re ready.”
I lift my chin. “What about you? How long are you going to play old-man footsies with the yakitori lady down the street?”
Asao points, smiling. “Oi—that’s grown folks’ business.”
“Dios mío. The hypocrisy.” I’m rolling my eyes when my phone buzzes against the booth bench. I reach down and flip it over to quickly read the incoming texts, all from Ren.
