I keep watching him, staring right back into the deep onyx pools of his irises. I let myself have this one moment since my nature actually feels calm—like it’s sleeping, and unbeknownst to it, I’ve sneaked out for a little fun. “Cheers.” I smile.
Jun’s eyes close once more. “I really like the name Jae, too… Jae is sexy, but David feels endearing. Cuddly. You’re both, like a… What animal is cute but kind of dangerous?”
“A racoon.”
Junichi opens his eyes, frowning at me. But I laugh.
“No,” he scolds. “You are not like an animal that knocks over and digs through trash cans.”
“I might be. Give me some time.” I’m still chuckling, but Jun doesn’t crack a smile. “A skunk? Something rabid and unpredictable,” I offer, lifting my eyebrow.
Jun stares at me, then huffs, adjusting his body and closing his eyes. “Neither—and I don’t mean dangerous like violent. I mean sensual. Alluring. But I’m glad to know where you’re at in your own head. I now have a clear understanding of where we’re starting from and how far we need to go.”
I scoff. “We?” My eyes widen. The snarky question slips out of my mouth before I even have a chance to process it, like I meant to say it in my head but it somehow passed through the wrong filter.
But Jun doesn’t miss a beat. “We. You and me, sunshine. Unless you indicate otherwise.”
There’s a pause, and he opens his eyes again, looking at me and waiting for me to say something. When I don’t, he snuggles down again. “Good night.”
“Good night…”
The space between us falls silent, but the sound of the rain is still brash, the wind rushing against the outer walls of the cottage. The thunder and lightning have subsided as I lie there listening, fighting off sleep because I want this moment to last. For us to just live and exist in this peaceful, perfect space in the center of the storm.
Junichi likes morning sex.
Before I was with him, I was accustomed to sex under the cover of nightfall—when all manner of unscrupulous behaviors tend to occur. As they should, I used to think. Like the things you do are hidden somehow and there’s a mild sense of shame to them. Unspoken but universally recognized.
Not that I never had sex in the daytime. It just wasn’t a regular affair. Nighttime felt more natural to me.
Not for Jun. First thing in the morning, when the sunlight would blaze through that ridiculous glass wall of his, he’d be touching and nipping at me. I’d wake up to soft kisses in the concave of my neck or down my naked spine, his long fingers stroking my sides. Once, I woke up gasping to a cheeky bite inside my thigh. Incredible. Jun doesn’t have one bit of shame in his lovemaking. He’d revel in my body and the sunlight, as if it were a spotlight and he wanted the world to see what we did. How beautiful we were naked and entwined together and how excellent he was at driving me to the precipice of ecstasy.
Performance art.
It’s morning. I’m lying on my back, awake and staring up at the ceiling. My nature may have been asleep last night, but it’s wide awake now and practically roaring inside me—wild and hot, shooting up and down my body, across every pore and inch of my skin. I slept well through the night. Maybe the best I have in months. But now it feels like my nature is paying me back tenfold for that singular night of peace.
I’m about to get up when I feel Jun rustle beside me. His voice is groggy as he stretches. “Good morning.”
“Hi.” I sit upright. Him moving just a little is making his scent fan out and wash over me in waves. I take a breath to try and calm the insanity taking place within me. “D-did you sleep well? Do you want breakfast?” My voice comes out hoarse, and I swallow hard.
Junichi sits up slowly, then turns his head to look at me. “I did.”
I nod. “Great…” When he doesn’t go on, I repeat, “Breakfast?”
“You don’t need to make anything for me.”
“If I don’t, who will?”
“I’ve been practicing.”
Drawing back, I frown, but with a smile, skeptical. “Cooking?”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
He lifts his chin. “Yes.”
“What can you make?”
“Hm… rice, if there’s a rice cooker. Boiled chicken and rice, beans and rice. Miso soup… and rice.”
I laugh and shake my head, which is a nice distraction from the heat swirling within me. “So if I catch a cold or suddenly want to gain an absurd amount of weight, you’ve got my meals under control, yeah? Like an ill person’s diet.”
“I’m making progress. I can make quesillo—Dominican flan. It’s easy, and my mom used to make it for me all the time.”
I smile. “Very nice… But I don’t mind it—making a quick breakfast.”
Junichi surprises me when he leans into my space until we’re nose to nose, and I’m blinking because he’s so close. He’s not touching me, but I stop breathing as he speaks low, the warm whisper of his breath rushing against my lips. “Is breakfast in bed an option?” He softly bumps his forehead into me, then tilts his head and caresses his nose against mine.
And that’s all it takes. I can’t breathe, and a fire ignites and flares inside me that I can’t control—so intense like I’ve never felt before and everything goes to hell, quite swiftly.
Forty-Five
Junichi
I don’t think I did anything dramatic, but suddenly, the atmosphere of the room shifts, warms and intensifies.
The anxiety in Jae’s body and demeanor is profound. I can feel his apprehension and his pulling away from me. The insecurities and doubts. His being guarded and very careful with me.
We’re not bonded. I hear that these are things one can easily discern from their mate once you’re bonded. Jae is not my mate, yet, but I can still read him like a damn billboard. He seemed relaxed last night while we talked. It was the most serene he’s been since I arrived here. So this morning, I thought I’d try.
I miss him. He smells delicious and I just want to kiss him. I want him to kiss me in his profound, beautiful and trusting way. The way that only he can. I want to touch and feel him under my hands and against my skin and help him understand that he’s not a freak, or a racoon or a skunk. That he’s a unique, magnificent creation. He always has been. That he’s kind, funny, endearing and frisky as hell, and I love all of that shit.
I figured I’d finally try, but he’s leaning away from me now and his expression is one of pure dread.
It starts with his eyes. The ring of blue lights up along the outer rim before it melts into the center, drowning out any remnants of honey brown until his eyes are glowing in bright cobalt. Then I feel his nature fanning outward—pure and unfiltered in the same vivid blue, but as a thick haze encapsulating his body.
Soon, it’s reaching out toward me, but also pulling at my nature within me and calling to me. My energy grows brighter, and I feel my eyes burn in response to what Jae’s nature is doing. What it’s communicating to me.
He wants me. Period. Deeply and sincerely, he loves and desires me. But it’s not like Ren’s aura—a thick, dank miasma laced with inky possessiveness. Entitlement, demand and discontent.
I sense Jae’s desire for me, but there’s no possessiveness at all. It feels more like an invitation. It makes my skin warm. It smells sweet and heavenly to my senses, as if he’s the proprietor of a luscious shop offering fresh, delicious goods and I am welcome to enter. I’d be safe there and well looked after. I wouldn’t ever want for anything.
I’m amazed at how good it feels as it radiates further outward, slowly engulfing my body and covering me. I want more of it—to greedily feel it and better understand the different layers and complexities of it—but Jae stands abruptly, staring at me with that horrified gaze still etched on his face. He backs away from me, and the warmth and sweetness disappear, like I’ve been shoved out of a door and left in the freezing rain. Was my existence always like this? Or is this some unique aftereffect of being exposed to his aura?
Jae turns, walks across the room, goes into the en-suite bathroom and slams the door shut. I swallow and inhale a breath, still recovering from the loss of that feeling. My heart is pumping in my chest, but I push myself to stand and walk over to the bathroom door. I feel fucking bewildered, and my eyes are still alighted. “Jae?”
