I roll my shoulders. “Nope. That’s not happening.” As a ranked vampire, feeding from humans isn’t fun. They taste like dirt, and if you do it too much, it can permanently ruin your bloodline. A few years ago, in the throes of passion, I fed from one of my human lovers in Paris. An exquisite young opera singer whose family had originally immigrated to France from Kenya. Lisette Noelle Moreau. I couldn’t go out into the sun at all afterward because my skin burned. I had to cancel two days’ worth of appointments and sit around her loft like a fucking squatter. Not worth it.
“Haru says it feels like there’s a wall inside Doctor Jae,” Nino says. “Like something is blocked. But he doesn’t register as a low-level vamp either. It’s confusing.”
“Well, he’ll need to find someone else to deal with his blockage.” I raise my eyebrow and lean forward to drive the point home. “Because it ain’t me.”
Asao sits back and folds his arms. He’s examining me in that paternal way that makes me uncharacteristically self-conscious. “The doctor didn’t fall at Casanova’s feet, so you’re upset?”
“No,” I say, then realize it makes me sound like I’m pouting. “It just wasn’t a good match.”
“Why?” Asao pushes. “You chased him for three weeks. What happened?”
“Technically, two weeks, since he said yes on the third week. And I didn’t ‘chase’ him. I was returning his books… slowly.”
Nino snorts at this, which doesn’t help my case. I ignore him. “Anyway, he made it perfectly clear that he’s not interested in me or what I have to offer.” I open my palms in a curt gesture, like I’m a prosecutor and I’ve laid out all the obvious evidence. Or like I’m a magician. Voilà.
Asao laughs and shakes his head. “Casanova is a control freak. If someone isn’t following the perfect little script he’s laid out for them, he cancels the entire production.”
“Wow.” Nino blinks, lifting his beer to his mouth. I shake my head, dismissive.
“That’s not true.”
“It is, Jun.” Asao grins. “You dumped a new client last week because he was getting too rigid in his custom order. You do it all the time! You’re just lucky that you’re wealthy and good-looking enough to get away with it. And that’s really why you don’t ever want to bond—because you can’t control that kind of situation. Because you can’t trust and be vulnerable with anyone.”
“Shit! Relax, old man.” I hold my palms up against the full-frontal assault. “I came here for a damn beer—not to be psychoanalyzed. God.” I roll my shoulders again. Nino is laughing.
Asao smirks. “I just call it like I see it.”
“Keep ‘it’ to yourself.”
“You don’t want to bond? I didn’t know that,” Nino says. His innocent amber eyes are blinking at me like he couldn’t possibly understand. Of course he can’t. He’s mated with the love of his life, and their bond triggered on the first try. That shit is unheard of—like playing golf for the first time and getting a hole in one on the first swing. The stars practically aligned for them. But they’re the exception, not the norm.
“I don’t want to bond, but I’m not opposed to a healthy long-term relationship. I’ve had quite a few with some lovely humans over the years… Dammit.” I pick up my glass and tip my head back to finish the golden liquid.
Asao’s face is smug. “That’s why he only has relationships with humans, Nino. Can’t bond with humans. And being a ranked vamp, you always have the upper hand, too. You’re always the one in control.”
I grimace. “You’re really on one today.”
He wiggles his eyebrows at me.
Asao is wrong. It isn’t about me controlling people. I just don’t want to be controlled and forever beholden to anyone.
This is my worst nightmare: I’ll look up and be in a situation with someone who outranks me. Who is controlling and manipulating every aspect of my life. That I’ll be miserable and stuck like that until one of us dies—which is exactly what happened to my mother.
Five
Jae
Why does holding a person’s hand feel more intimate than sex? What does that say about us as complex, physiological beings? I’ve had sex with quite a few people and vampires over the years, but I cannot remember the last time I held hands with someone (and what does that say about me?).
Right now, this is all I can think about as I walk into the flashy banquet hall. There are crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and illuminated ice sculptures. Waiters with silver trays of champagne and hors d’oeuvres. It’s impressive. Equally impressive is Lucy in her fitted black dress. She’s standing at my side as my date for the gala tonight.
Lucy is a dietician and works a few floors down from me at the hospital. Human. Not vampiric at all. I was speaking to a lost hospital patient in Korean one day and she happened to be walking by. I had the language he needed but not the actual sense of knowledge to tell him where to go, so she stepped in. She grew up in America—Korean-American. We’ve been dating (mostly having sex?) off and on. Dating is hard for doctors. Sometimes it’s easiest to get straight to the point.
We’ve been casually sleeping together, but it feels very weird to try and hold her hand. I won’t, even though it’s literally the dominant thought in my mind right now. Lucy often tells me that I’m, quote, “cute but kind of sexy.” I don’t quite understand how that works, but I like her so I’ll take it.
“Hey.” Lucy gently bumps my shoulder with her own. We’re the same height tonight because she’s wearing heels. “Your vampire friends are coming.”
I look up, and Sora and Kosuke are walking toward me. They’re dressed up and cleanly put together, like a couple in a model home advert. Sora’s hair is down tonight, which is nice. Usually, she has it tied back or in a massive bun.
“Hi, Jae.” Sora smiles. Kosuke, her mate, offers a friendly nod. “It’s Lucy, right?” Sora asks.
“Yes… Tell me your name again? I’m so sorry.” Lucy’s smile is awkward. Privately, I know she has weird feelings about vampires. She doesn’t understand how or why I work with them every day. She told me she’d be terrified that one would haul off and bite her. I told her they don’t typically do stuff like that—that most ranked vamps probably think she’d taste disgusting. I also told her not to believe everything she sees on the Internet or in films.
We all engage in the typical banal small talk until an announcement is made. The formal presentation is about to begin. The lead CFO who helped this hospital reach its current success is retiring, and a new chap is being ushered in. Normally, I wouldn’t care. I’m here on a grant and my position is only guaranteed for a year, depending on growth and need since this area has seen a major influx in vampires recently. I’m running a test program for the hospital to see if my services are valuable, which is why I’m apprehensive about pitching a major, potentially expensive long-term project.
I’ve been getting more and more patients though, and this surrogate proposal could launch the hospital into an innovative space pertaining to vampires. Not many hospitals uniquely cater to vampires’ needs (because their bodies are complex and self-sufficient), but we could become an authority on something very important and topical to an old, powerful race of creatures. So I’m paying attention tonight, wondering who I’ll need to present my idea to once I have it fleshed out.
We all decide to sit at the same table. It’s round with a thick white tablecloth and a full, Western-style dinner setting: porcelain plates and butter dishes, crystal glasses and cutlery all gleaming in the dim purplish lighting. The centerpieces are stunning white orchids. Lucy is sitting on my left and Sora on my right. The latter leans into me.
“I didn’t know you were dating Lucy?”
I shrug. “It’s fairly new.” Are we dating? We picked up food from the corner shop once on our way back to my place from the hospital. Maybe this is our first proper date?
“Hm. I thought you might like Junichi. He certainly seemed interested in you.”
My stomach clenches from the mere mention of his name. Christ. I scratch the back of my head because I’m not sure how to respond.
I consider myself bisexual. It took me a long time and lots of heartache to get to this place, but I know that label suits me. Being gay, queer or trans is not openly accepted or celebrated in mainstream Japanese culture. Sora is a vampire and doesn’t care about all that… but still. I’m changing the subject.
“Who is this onstage now?” I whisper. A youngish bloke in a typical “salary man” black suit and tie is at the glass podium. He’s giving a long-winded introduction for someone. The hospital’s CEO? He didn’t say a name.
“He’s one of the board members,” Sora says, adjusting her glasses and matching my whisper.
“If I wanted to write a proposal for a new hospital program, who would I need to present that to?”
Sora’s brown eyes widen. “Are you thinking of doing something vampire related?”
“Yes. And maybe Haruka Hirano will help me? It’s still in the early stages. He told me I need to get the proposal written and approved first.”
“That’s wonderful, Jae. Your best bet is to talk to Junichi.”
My stomach clenches again and I frown. “Why would I do that?”
“Because he’s Haruka’s best friend, and he owns and personally finances our hospital.”
“What?”
“Shh.” Lucy turns and scolds me, but my head is spinning and I’m focused on Sora.
