I lift my beer in a toast. “This is excellent news.” They lift theirs as well, and we tap glasses. After Nino takes a sip, he sighs.
“I don’t want people to think he’s a snob, you know? If he keeps hiding and ignoring everyone, the tide could turn. They pulled a new group of vampires out of Socotra. The detective is pressuring us to take on more refugees, and she keeps blabbing to the news about our involvement. Haruka hates all this attention.”
Haruka could easily be a pompous jerk given his ancient family roots, looks and upper-crust breeding. I wouldn’t even blame him if he were. It’s almost expected. The quality of his nature makes him a beacon for other ranked vampires, and his bloodline is clean and very old, which means he probably tastes like heaven. I can’t imagine what life was like for him being unbonded. He told me he hid himself in England for a decade, and I immediately understood why.
“Speaking of Doctor Davies…” Asao is smirking at me. I frown, rolling my eyes and pulling my beer to my lips because I know what’s coming. “How was your date?” he asks.
I take a long sip before setting the glass back down on the table. “Shit.”
“Really?” Nino raises his brows. “Why? Doctor Davies seems nice.”
I nod, diplomatic. “Yes, the doctor is very nice to his patients, which is excellent for the hospital. I have no complaints.”
Outside of the hospital, he’s a prejudiced jackass. A beautiful jackass that smells delicious. Well, fuck him and his good smells. Since when is it a crime to have dinner with someone you find attractive? What’s so terrible about wanting to eventually make love? Now I can’t ever have sex with him, because if I do, I’ll just prove him right.
“He definitely has something funny going on,” Nino says. “Both Haru and I took inventory yesterday. He’s human, but… I don’t know.”
Asao lifts his chin toward me. “You should bite him. See what he tastes like so we’ll know for sure.”
I roll my shoulders. “Nope. That’s not happening.” As a ranked vampire, feeding from humans isn’t fun. They taste like dirt, and if you do it too much, it can permanently ruin your bloodline. A few years ago, in the throes of passion, I fed from one of my human lovers in Paris. An exquisite young opera singer whose family had originally immigrated to France from Kenya. Lisette Noelle Moreau. I couldn’t go out into the sun at all afterward because my skin burned. I had to cancel two days’ worth of appointments and sit around her loft like a fucking squatter. Not worth it.
“Haru says it feels like there’s a wall inside Doctor Jae,” Nino says. “Like something is blocked. But he doesn’t register as a low-level vamp either. It’s confusing.”
“Well, he’ll need to find someone else to deal with his blockage.” I raise my eyebrow and lean forward to drive the point home. “Because it ain’t me.”
Asao sits back and folds his arms. He’s examining me in that paternal way that makes me uncharacteristically self-conscious. “The doctor didn’t fall at Casanova’s feet, so you’re upset?”
“No,” I say, then realize it makes me sound like I’m pouting. “It just wasn’t a good match.”
“Why?” Asao pushes. “You chased him for three weeks. What happened?”
“Technically, two weeks, since he said yes on the third week. And I didn’t ‘chase’ him. I was returning his books… slowly.”
Nino snorts at this, which doesn’t help my case. I ignore him. “Anyway, he made it perfectly clear that he’s not interested in me or what I have to offer.” I open my palms in a curt gesture, like I’m a prosecutor and I’ve laid out all the obvious evidence. Or like I’m a magician. Voilà.
Asao laughs and shakes his head. “Casanova is a control freak. If someone isn’t following the perfect little script he’s laid out for them, he cancels the entire production.”
“Wow.” Nino blinks, lifting his beer to his mouth. I shake my head, dismissive.
“That’s not true.”
“It is, Jun.” Asao grins. “You dumped a new client last week because he was getting too rigid in his custom order. You do it all the time! You’re just lucky that you’re wealthy and good-looking enough to get away with it. And that’s really why you don’t ever want to bond—because you can’t control that kind of situation. Because you can’t trust and be vulnerable with anyone.”
“Shit! Relax, old man.” I hold my palms up against the full-frontal assault. “I came here for a damn beer—not to be psychoanalyzed. God.” I roll my shoulders again. Nino is laughing.
Asao smirks. “I just call it like I see it.”
“Keep ‘it’ to yourself.”
“You don’t want to bond? I didn’t know that,” Nino says. His innocent amber eyes are blinking at me like he couldn’t possibly understand. Of course he can’t. He’s mated with the love of his life, and their bond triggered on the first try. That shit is unheard of—like playing golf for the first time and getting a hole in one on the first swing. The stars practically aligned for them. But they’re the exception, not the norm.
“I don’t want to bond, but I’m not opposed to a healthy long-term relationship. I’ve had quite a few with some lovely humans over the years… Dammit.” I pick up my glass and tip my head back to finish the golden liquid.
Asao’s face is smug. “That’s why he only has relationships with humans, Nino. Can’t bond with humans. And being a ranked vamp, you always have the upper hand, too. You’re always the one in control.”
I grimace. “You’re really on one today.”
He wiggles his eyebrows at me.
Asao is wrong. It isn’t about me controlling people. I just don’t want to be controlled and forever beholden to anyone.
This is my worst nightmare: I’ll look up and be in a situation with someone who outranks me. Who is controlling and manipulating every aspect of my life. That I’ll be miserable and stuck like that until one of us dies—which is exactly what happened to my mother.
Five
Jae
Why does holding a person’s hand feel more intimate than sex? What does that say about us as complex, physiological beings? I’ve had sex with quite a few people and vampires over the years, but I cannot remember the last time I held hands with someone (and what does that say about me?).
Right now, this is all I can think about as I walk into the flashy banquet hall. There are crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and illuminated ice sculptures. Waiters with silver trays of champagne and hors d’oeuvres. It’s impressive. Equally impressive is Lucy in her fitted black dress. She’s standing at my side as my date for the gala tonight.
Lucy is a dietician and works a few floors down from me at the hospital. Human. Not vampiric at all. I was speaking to a lost hospital patient in Korean one day and she happened to be walking by. I had the language he needed but not the actual sense of knowledge to tell him where to go, so she stepped in. She grew up in America—Korean-American. We’ve been dating (mostly having sex?) off and on. Dating is hard for doctors. Sometimes it’s easiest to get straight to the point.
We’ve been casually sleeping together, but it feels very weird to try and hold her hand. I won’t, even though it’s literally the dominant thought in my mind right now. Lucy often tells me that I’m, quote, “cute but kind of sexy.” I don’t quite understand how that works, but I like her so I’ll take it.
“Hey.” Lucy gently bumps my shoulder with her own. We’re the same height tonight because she’s wearing heels. “Your vampire friends are coming.”
I look up, and Sora and Kosuke are walking toward me. They’re dressed up and cleanly put together, like a couple in a model home advert. Sora’s hair is down tonight, which is nice. Usually, she has it tied back or in a massive bun.
