I decided to speak. ‘How come it’s when women’s issues come up that you people suddenly remember all the country’s problems? How does women speaking up against their abusers and holding them to account affect the economy? Will these issues suddenly disappear if we don’t speak up?’
‘That’s true,’ Dera said. ‘I’ve never heard Dapo or Zutere say we shouldn’t get involved in Western issues until today, in fact we’re always discussing topics outside our sphere.’
‘True,’ Zino chimed, a glint of mischief in his eyes.
‘Oh Lord, you women have come again,’ Dapo shouted, his voice even louder than usual. ‘I’m saying freedom of speech is collapsing before our very eyes and you’re talking about some women accusing men of abuse in the West.’
‘And so?! And so?!’ Dera screamed all of a sudden. A bubble within her had burst, and quiet and meek Dera had suddenly erupted into a wild woman loud enough to challenge Dapo. ‘Has freedom of speech not been collapsing for years? Why is it now you want to discuss it? Are you the only person in this room?’
Zutere stared at the both of them with dilated pupils, and Simi had gone quiet again, busy picking at cheese on a board. I glanced at Zino. It was his house; he had the power to diffuse the situation.
‘If you’re going to fight, please just don’t break my crystals. They cost quite a ton. I have to make a call,’ he announced as he placed his glass on a stool and rose to his feet, making his way out of the living room. Zino gave Dera’s shoulder an encouraging pat as he passed by her seat, as if to say, ‘You’ve got this.’
Dapo remained frozen in shock. Was this the first time a woman had yelled at him?
‘Let’s all try to calm down,’ I intervened. ‘Please.’ Dapo folded his arms and burrowed into his seat like a child and Dera excused herself to use the bathroom.
By the time Dera returned, Dapo had taken up a conversation with Zutere and Simi and Zino still wasn’t back from his call. She poured herself a glass of white wine and found a space beside me on the sofa; I was her chosen ally.
‘Hope you’re calmer now,’ I said, shifting to make space for her.
‘I am, thank you,’ she replied. ‘He’s so silly and misogynistic. Does he think he’s the only one that can shout?’
I nodded and glanced in Dapo’s direction, grateful for the size of Zino’s living room in preventing them from overhearing Dera’s comment and reigniting the altercation.
‘He’s very stuck in his ideas of masculinity. I’ve noticed it,’ Dera continued. ‘He thinks men and women are meant to speak and act only a certain way. Outdated idiot. I’ve heard him make shady comments about Zino’s style, speech and mannerisms. He always does it when neither of you is around.’ I wondered if she would have told me this if they hadn’t just fallen out. Had she laughed at the jokes with Dapo then? Were they all here only for what they could gain from Zino? Was I the same as them?
Zino walked in then, holding two new bottles. ‘I was going to keep them for a special day, but since we’re all in a bad mood, maybe these will help lighten things up.’
Dapo jumped up to take one of the bottles from him. ‘Oh wow, this costs like 5k dollz. Zino, you’re the best mahn.’
‘I want to have children,’ I told Nwakaego in her apartment. She’d been back for a few years now. I could see the open ocean through the glass that bathed the room in natural light.
‘With who? Me?’ she joked, assuming I was joking as well.
‘I’m serious,’ I said, staring at her.
Her smile disappeared as her eyes widened. ‘Why all of a sudden?’
I looked at the ocean again. ‘I’m not sure,’ I said, because I really wasn’t sure. But I knew I did. ‘Don’t you? We’re both turning thirty-seven this year and it’s something I’ve been thinking about. I’ll soon lose my chance to ever have a family. I should probably freeze my eggs soon.’
‘You can always adopt.’
I nodded. ‘True, but it’s not something we look on favourably here, is it?’ I could already see my mother passing on a message through Nulia that I take the child for deliverance from whatever demons that accompanied her.
‘Yes, it isn’t,’ Ego acquiesced.
‘You know what, maybe my mother is right, maybe this is my punishment and I’m actually just a murderer.’
‘Aunty Ada said what?!’
I didn’t realise I’d said it out loud. ‘It’s nothing, she was angry. Just leave it alone,’ I rushed to explain.
I glanced at Ego. I could see her contemplating whether to indeed ‘leave it alone’ or take it up. She decided on the former. ‘What about Bayo and Halil? Have you finally decided?’
Bayo had returned with an apology, saying I was placing too much pressure on our relationship. We’d had torrid makeup sex and the next time the conversation had come up again, the same sequence of events had taken place. The last time, I’d mentioned children in passing.
Overcome with a frightening awareness of the awfulness of my person, I drove to Halil’s house and told him the truth: I’d been cheating with my ex-boyfriend with whom I’d had a child, and I’d aborted said foetus. He’d stared at me in disbelief, then he’d broken into Turkish curses, then he’d dragged me to the door and slammed it in my face. He no longer picked up my calls. I said as much to Ego.
‘Bayo’s probably married or has a serious girlfriend,’ she declared. ‘Also, it’s unfair how you treated Halil. How did you expect him to react? He really liked you.’
‘No, Bayo is just childish and emotionally fragile. He was the same way back then; he’ll come around,’ I countered. ‘And if Halil really likes me, why didn’t he ever talk about starting a family? How do I know I wasn’t just a fling until he was ready to go back to his country to settle down?’
Ego shook her head. ‘Zina, I’ve never heard you make excuses for someone the way you make excuses for this fellow Bayo, and you make excuses for people you care about a lot. At the very least, he doesn’t respect your person and emotions, disappearing and reappearing when he likes. Come on, this is you! You’re sharper than this – how can you allow Bayo to play you?’
I smiled, a tired smile that reflected the state of my emotions. ‘You’ve just never liked him,’ I said. ‘Not everyone can be like Emeka, you know? You got lucky.’
Ego blushed and unexpected jealousy surged within me – she was indeed lucky.
‘Speaking of Emeka,’ she said and abruptly bounced to her feet. ‘I have something to show you.’ She scurried indoors, and I waited, wondering what it was all about.
Ego returned with her hands clasped around an object. ‘Close your eyes,’ she instructed.
I rolled my eyes before I closed them. ‘Nwakaego, please. We’re too old for this behaviour.’
‘You can open them now,’ she said.
A pear-shaped diamond blinked at me from a band between her fingers. We squealed and jumped together like we’d done as girls. ‘When?’ I asked when we finally stopped screaming and found the sofa again.