I forged ahead still; I was desperate. ‘Are you free to talk, please?’
He sighed. ‘Listen Zina, if you’ve called to talk about our relationship, there’s no point, let’s just end it properly now. In fact, that was why I picked up,’ he said. ‘You keep criticising and demanding, placing unnecessary pressure on me and bringing up bad memories. How could you talk about children when you killed the one we could have had? I grew up with love, I’ve only known love and I’ve realised that it’s not the same for you and we can never work out. I read the news and I’ve seen the allegations you’re levelling against that man of God and it only sealed it for me; this would never work in a million years. Imagine what my mother would say?’
For hours afterwards, I stretched out on my bed, empty bottles of wine scattered by the side; I needed them to numb me to sleep, to deter the nightmares.
I rattled the drawer of my nightstand as I pulled at it. The pills Tare had given me were still there. I poured the bottle’s contents into my palm and wondered how many it would take to make sure I never woke up again. Would that make everyone happy?
I separated two pills from the others and returned the rest to their container. Then I threw them in my mouth: bite, break, swallow.
Banging. Loud incessant banging and doorbell ringing were what it took to pull me from the murky waters. At first, I assumed they were coming from inside my head, but there was no knocking under water.
I forced my eyes open. Someone was banging at my door, probably the police, having bullied their way through my gateman, Edikan. I pulled on a robe and trudged down the stairs. They could at least sit in the living room while I dressed to follow them.
The banging continued with each step I took. I would probably have to call my lawyer, I thought. And smother on enough makeup in case they’d brought the press along for dramatic effect. What casual combination of my outfits photographed really well again?
‘Zinachukwu, open this door right now! I’m not leaving until you do,’ I heard Zino shout from the other side. He hadn’t even crossed my mind; he was meant to be out of the country on a business trip.
I turned the key and unfastened the chains and bolts. We stared at each other. He looked like he’d just found his way from the airport.
‘Madam e no gree go o, e say e go make sure them arrest me too if I no open gate,’ Edikan shouted from behind him, meaning the police hadn’t tried to come in yet.
‘I leave the country for a few days and you set everything on fire without telling me?’ Zino said, his face lined with exasperation.
I turned my back to him and stumbled towards a sofa. ‘The police aren’t outside?’
‘No. They were here?’
‘They’ll be back.’ It was the first step of intimidation: instil fear.
Zino ran a hand over his shorn head and I thought of Halil’s curly hair that he kept pushing out of his eyes. Halil that now hated me too.
‘Zina, what the actual hell? What happened?’ Zino said.
‘Which of the happenings?’ I joked, a small smile playing at the corner of my lips.
‘Everything! Your social media posts about that pastor. This nonsense I’m hearing about Charles; you never told me what happened at that meeting. I knew I shouldn’t have let it go. Why the police are looking for you, why you look like you’ve just been run over by a truck!’
I raised a hand to my forehead; I was already beginning to pay the price for all that drinking.
‘For the social media posts, every single word is true. I might not have been there but I was aware of the circumstances. The police are looking for me because Kamsi has powerful sponsors ready to crush his accusers and their supporters – he’s not new to this. As for Charles, he simply saw a woman he would like to fuck and hasn’t let up ever since. And well I can’t help how I look, can I?’
Zino’s eyes narrowed. ‘Why didn’t you call me?’
‘I didn’t think it was necessary. As you can see, I’m not doing badly by myself. I don’t need saving again, Zino. I haven’t tried to kill myself yet.’ My voice broke, I covered it up with a cough.
‘You didn’t think it was necessary? Have you lost your mind, Zina?!’ He was yelling; Zino never yelled. Was this what I did to people? He glared at me long and hard and then his tone became gentle. ‘There is something you’re not saying,’ he said.
The tears were coming again. I closed my eyes to keep them at bay. ‘Zino, please let’s talk another time.’
‘Have you been drinking?’
‘Does it matter?’
‘Zina.’ He said my name delicately, like a prayer. It was all it took.
I surrendered to the hurricane of pain that had held my heart for too long, sobbing hysterically into my palms. I heard Zino move from his seat and felt his hand begin to move soothingly across my back.
‘I’m trying, I swear I’m trying,’ I wailed over and again.
Later, when I finally stopped sobbing, I told him about Bayo and Halil, and then I talked about my mother. ‘She might be dying and she didn’t even want me to know.’
He held both my hands as he spoke. ‘Listen to me, Zina. You’re not going to let any of this break you. You’re a diamond. You don’t crack under pressure.’
I laughed. ‘That’s pretty corny, even for you, Zino.’
In my room, we packed a box. He did not want me staying at home alone.
‘Are these prescribed?’ Zino asked as I picked out the items for a shower, and I knew I’d forgotten the bottle of pills on my bed. My face gave me away; I couldn’t seem to act well enough where Zino was concerned. He sighed. ‘How long have you been taking these?’ he asked.
‘A while,’ I said shortly.
‘You’re seeing someone as soon as things settle down, I won’t let you continue like this.’
I nodded, contrite. ‘You’ll need to leave the room for me to get ready,’ I said as I headed towards the bathroom. I turned to lower a shoulder of my robe theatrically and winked.
Zino chuckled and shook his head.
We received summons to appear at the police command headquarters as part of an investigation of ‘a criminal conspiracy, falsehood, and threat to life’. Pastor Kamsi had lodged a complaint.
