“No, no, we went to a clinic.”
I’m both relieved and disappointed, and the latter surprises me.
“Was that what you wanted?” I ask.
“Oh yeah. We were too young to raise a child. It would have been a disaster for so many reasons. I don’t regret it; this isn’t some big confession. But I am sorry I didn’t say something sooner.”
“Why are you telling me now?”
“Something that stupid astrologer said last night about intimacy and how I work things out.”
“That makes you a bit of a hypocrite. Telling me not to believe Rini’s pregnancy prediction but acting on what she said to you.”
“This isn’t about the astrologer, or my old girlfriend; this is about us. I have a new perspective, to consider whether me withholding this information might be holding us back.”
“Karmically? You don’t believe in that stuff.”
“But you seem to. And I believe in you. More than anything else.”
Ted hooks his hand on the back of my neck and kisses me on the forehead. He leans down to catch my eye, but I keep my gaze trained on the floor. He kisses me on the nose, the cheek, the other cheek.
“Ted.” I pull away before he makes it to my lips and I forget about being upset.
“You’re mad,” he says.
“I’m upset.”
Something about this information is really bothering me, but I don’t know if it’s the abortion itself, the fact that he withheld it, or something else. It’s a lot to take in at one time.
I walk out and Ted stays. He knows I need my space. I search for Adam.
“Can we go for a ride?” I ask when I find my brother.
“Where are we going?”
“Anywhere. 7-Eleven? You can get cigarettes.”
“I quit.”
“Good, then you can do it again tomorrow.”
Adam gives in, knowing I need this. He grabs his keys and smiles. Maybe he even wants to be alone with me too.
“So what’s up?” he asks as he turns the engine in his car.
“Are you actually thinking about getting a divorce?” I ask. Divorce. The word expands like cotton in my mouth. I want to talk to my brother, my calming force, but the first thing that popped into my head might not have been the best topic. All I know is I’m not ready to share the new information Ted gave me.
“Divorce is a thing, Margot. Lots of couples do it. And it can make a family stronger.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“I’ve thought about it a lot, yes. Even before Eden.”
“Why?”
The one-word question is basically my cry for help, but Adam pauses as if he’s trying to find the right words to give me a real answer.
“Because I deserve better than the defunct marriage Aimee and I have. My girls deserve to grow up with a better model of love than our parents gave us. I’m doing the right thing, Margot. The hard thing, the sad thing, the painful thing—but the right thing.”
Knowing my brother the writer, he’s rehearsed this several times. It might even be in his newest novel.
“That sounds wonderful in theory, but in practice this will be a nightmare. Is Aimee going to invite me to every ballet recital, or it’ll be on you? Because you didn’t even show up to the last one.”
“I’ll be a better dad if I’m not avoiding Aimee.”
“You could stop avoiding her now and work this out.”
“I’m in love,” Adam says.
“That’s the second time you’ve mentioned that and it doesn’t sound as compelling as you think. What about the girls? They need both of you.”
“No one is abandoning the girls. Even with divorced parents, they’ll be better off than we were. At least Aimee and I will be alive.”
There’s no way to argue that point, and even if I could, this distraction isn’t working. It’s only making me more agitated. I still can’t shake my conversation with Ted.
“Ted just told me he got a girl pregnant in college,” I say.
“He did?” Adam asks without missing a beat despite the abrupt change in topic. “Who was it? Avery?”
