Margot crosses her arms and I can tell she’s hurt. It wasn’t my intention, but it’s about time she accepts the truth. She doesn’t know how to see things clearly.
“Break up with Eden, or I’ll tell Aimee,” Margot says, surprising me.
My heart races at the very thought. Would she really betray me like that? I wasn’t expecting her to lash out at me, even in words, but she’s desperate. She can’t control, or validate, or deny the conversation about our parents, so she’s latching on to my relationship. In response, I laugh.
“Go ahead, I dare you.”
“And Rick too,” Margot adds. “I’ll tell Rick.”
The smirk falls off my face. Rick would lose his shit, and thanks to Tropical Storm Clementine, there’s nowhere for me to run and hide. We’d be like caged monkeys.
“He probably already knows. And he wouldn’t care,” I say, using reverse psychology to throw Margot off.
“Why not?”
“Eden and Rick are in an open marriage.”
“What? That’s not possible.”
“I would’ve thought you knew, given that he’s Ted’s best friend.”
Two truths and a lie. Rick would, in fact, care. Because it’s me and that breaks the rules. The rest is accurate. And if I know my sister, she’s going to preoccupy herself with feeling stupid that she didn’t know.
I pull my hood up again and make a run for the house. Margot seethes behind me, and I know I’ve successfully trained her ire on Ted for the moment. But she’ll handle him and come back for me.
At least I’ve bought myself some time to figure out why my feelings for Eden shifted last night and how I actually feel about Aimee. The goal for today is to keep it in my pants, play zone defense, and stay out of the line of fire. Tomorrow, everything will be clearer.
MARGOT
Back in the house, I flop down on the bed, forcing myself to breathe. I feel trapped—by the house, by the fear of a pregnancy test, by my brother’s mercurial love—but I don’t want to suffocate and panic. I had to remove myself from the forced chill downstairs as people scrolled through their phones and watched TV while drinking wine and eating snacks.
There was a moment last night after Rini told me I’m going to have a baby in a matter of months when I thought I could back off Aimee and Adam and focus on my own growing family, but that was turned on its head by Adam. He really doesn’t see a future with Aimee; it’s not just this affair that’s distracting him. Divorce seems inevitable and I feel more desperate than ever. I want my baby to be around the girls all the time. In case I can’t have any more, I want them to feel like older sisters.
If Rini is right, Adam’s youngest will be less than two years older than my baby. More than extended family, we will operate like a blended family, one singular unit in multiple locations. How is that going to happen if he’s in some sad apartment and can barely keep straight the weekends he has the girls, let alone plan parties and family gatherings? This is where my future becomes bleaker than the girls’. I can’t manage all their logistics on top of mine.
Sadly, I threw away my only shot at forcing Adam’s hand. I can’t make him break up with Eden, and if they’re in an open marriage, then Rick won’t either. The last option—telling Aimee—isn’t really an option at all. That’s why Adam laughed—he called my bluff. I’m trying to save them, not destroy everyone in her path.
A strong gust of wind blows and something white floats by my window, catching my eye. But when I look, there’s nothing. I need a sign to set me off in a direction that isn’t this spiral. The rain pelts the glass with a thud that punctuates every negative thought I have.
Standing next to the window, I remember the dumbwaiter. I pop it open, and once again there is a single tarot card. I can read THE FOOL on the bottom. Before I pick it up, I remember what Rini asked me last night. Was it upside down?
I google, What does it mean when a tarot card is upside down?
The answer is the card is “reversed,” and a reversed card has a different meaning than an upright card. I search The Fool.
Meaning: The Fool represents beginning stages. She is inexperienced but lucky. She does not know what to expect but relies on faith.
Right below the definition, there’s a distinction I didn’t notice yesterday.
Upright card (keywords): Beginnings, Creativity, Leap of faith, Spontaneity
Reversed card (keywords): Chaos, Naivety, Poor judgment
I search The Empress again.
Upright card (keywords): Abundance, Nurturing, Pregnancy, Stability
Reversed card (keywords): Domestic problems, Financial issues, Stagnation, Unwanted pregnancy
Those are two very different fates. How can one card mean two opposite things?
I have to find Rini to ask about this. It’s important to know.
Ted walks in as I’m on my way out and I’m reminded of what Adam said. I pull him into the room and close the door behind us. My question for Rini will have to wait.
“Why didn’t you tell me that your best friend is in an open marriage?”
Ted guides me gently to the edge of the bed. “Margot, you’ve known Rick for years. He’s never exactly been a pro at monogamy, even way before Eden. Making it official didn’t feel like a new development.”
“Do you two go out picking up chicks?”
Ted stops fidgeting. He looks directly at me and I know I’ve crossed a line.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
Ted sits down on the bed next to me and takes my hand in his.
“You know I would never,” he says. “Everything I do is to make you happy.”
