I shake my head no.
“Where does it hurt?”
I point to my throat and my chest.
“Are you having a panic attack?”
I shrug.
Adam appears, slipping his arms around Aimee like he can’t stand to be away from her for a minute.
“What’s going on?” he asks.
“Adam, go inside and get her a paper bag to breathe into,” Farah says.
“Paper, in this weather? Not plastic?”
“If you want to suffocate her, sure.”
“Shouldn’t we just get her inside?” Aimee asks.
I shake my head violently. I already feel like the whole world is closing in on me. I couldn’t possibly go inside four walls again.
“Adam, get a whole bunch of paper bags and bring them to her. One will have to hold up,” Farah says.
Farah kneels down next to me. She pulls my knees up to ninety degrees and pushes my head between them. “If it feels okay, close your eyes,” she says.
As soon as my neck releases and I tune out the world around me, I feel better.
“Aimee,” I say, the word coming out as a whisper.
“Aimee, Margot is calling you,” Farah says.
Aimee sits down cross-legged next to me and leans her face close.
“Are you sure you want this?” I ask.
“This?” she repeats.
I nod toward the house, the ridiculous scene that unfolded before us.
“Your brother? Of course. Why wouldn’t I?” she asks.
“What if he’s a cheater?”
“I forgave him for what he did ten years ago.”
“But what if it’s not about what he did ten years ago? What if that’s who he is? Someone who needs a woman. Our mother is his God-shaped hole. I’ve tried to fill it, but my unconditional love is not enough. Just like my father is mine. It’s why I chose Ted, who would literally do anything to protect me.”
“We all have our shadow sides,” Aimee says.
“But, Aimee, what if Adam is a man who wilts if for a split second he doesn’t feel adored? And when he doesn’t feel adored, he doesn’t sit down and say, ‘Can we make a plan to connect?’ He instead acts out like a child having a tantrum to get the attention he wants.”
“Oh, I’m very good at ignoring tantrums,” Aimee responds.
We’re talking past each other.
“I know, I’ve seen it with the girls. But that might be why he will always fall into the arms of someone else.”
“Always? Are you saying this has happened before?”
I am already betraying my brother more than I can stomach. I cannot answer her question.
“It’s happening now,” Rini says. I didn’t hear her arrive, but I should have known she wasn’t going to give up on whatever she had to say. “I saw him and Eden having sex on this very lawn after the first night.”
Aimee cannot process any more conflicting information. It’s too much to handle, and her protective rage takes over. She shields her eyes from the rain and looks up at Rini.
“Who invited you out here? You’re a liar and a manipulator,” Aimee says. Her timid voice stands in opposition to her harsh words.
“A first-class fake,” Adam adds, his fist full of brown paper bags. They turned to black mush between the house and the dock.
“Get away from us,” he says, throwing the paper slop at Rini. The bags hit Rini and cling to her chest in wet clumps.
Rini wipes away the mess while she runs back to the house. I can hear her muttering under her breath, crying or cursing him.
“Farah, can you see if Ted has passed out again? I need him,” I say.
When it’s only the three of us left on the back lawn, Aimee and I stand.
