People came and went in intermittent bursts. They were kind and sorrowful and they all asked her, “What are you going to do now?”
“I haven’t thought about it. I just want to get through this week,” she kept saying.
It was a lie. She thought constantly about what she would do next. There was no pressing reason to leave, but she didn’t have to stay. That was the stunning reality she kept crashing into, each time she walked out of her bedroom and looked through the open door into Gramps’s empty room. Each time she reached into the cupboard to check his meds. Each time she saw someone else sitting in his chair instead of him.
Biyen liked it here, but he was a resilient kid who easily made friends. He would fit in anywhere. She was very employable and didn’t even have to sell this house. She could rent it out and have a nice little income to supplement whatever life she chose beyond Raven’s Cove.
There was no hurry to make a big decision, but she had spent years feeling trapped here. Left here. Suddenly, the dam had broken open and she had options. Her thoughts couldn’t help but flow outward, exploring all of them.
Why stay when she could go?
“Dude.” Logan’s deeply ironic voice broke into her weighty contemplations. “I cannot express strongly enough how much that isn’t going to happen.”
Sophie had come onto the porch with a casserole dish she had just washed.
It was drizzling and Biyen was on a playdate, taking a much-needed respite from people who wanted to hug him and tell him he had to be strong for his mom. He needed to be what he was—snuggly and kind and entertained by the silliest things so she could be, too.
“My son lost his grandpa,” Nolan said. “I’m here to see if he’s okay.”
Sophie set the borrowed dish with the rest of them in the box on the lawn chair and moved to the end of the porch where she saw the two men standing in the spitting rain, Nolan with his backpack on his shoulder and an overstuffed duffel at his feet.
“Biyen is out right now. I’ll text you when he’s back. Meanwhile, your shit is not coming into that house. It stays on the lawn.”
“Is this your house now? You live here?” Nolan scoffed.
“I’m renting a room. And pro tip? If you want to ask Sophie if you can move in, you fucking ask. You don’t show up expecting it. Especially not before her grandfather is put to rest. Give your head a shake.”
“Nolan,” Sophie called. “You can pitch your tent by the shed until after the service.” That was tomorrow so it would only be two nights. “If you want to take Biyen camping after that, he’d probably like that.”
“I’m staying here,” Nolan told her. “Like, I’m going to find a place here so I can be here and see Biyen more.”
“You and Karma broke up?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, you do you, but don’t make any big changes on our account. I don’t know what I’m doing. We might not stay. I haven’t decided.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Logan snapped his head around. His face was sprinkled with rain, his hair beginning to flatten.
“Exactly what I said. I don’t know what I’m doing. I won’t leave you in the lurch at work, but…” She heard the phone ring inside and thought, Gramps will get it.
God, grief was so horrible, constantly hitting you out of the blue.
Glenda picked it up, but Sophie moved inside, expecting it was for her anyway.
Chapter Sixteen
“I’ll expect you at Christmas unless you call to say you have a better offer,” Glenda said when Sophie hugged her on the wharf Monday morning.
Glenda was sailing south with friends; otherwise she would have to spend another three days here, waiting for the ferry.
“Thanks so much for coming. I couldn’t have got through this without you.” Sophie meant it. In every way possible, Glenda had always tried to fill the void that had been left after Sophie had lost her mom. She loved her endlessly for it.
“Anytime. I mean that.” Glenda gave her hair a smooth, exactly as Sophie did to Biyen. “Give Biyen my love.”
“I will.”
The whole Fraser crew had turned up so Glenda went down the line, hugging Logan and Trystan, then Reid and finally Emma, ending with a kiss on Storm’s cheek.
“You all be good now,” she said with a wave as they cast off.
“Has she met us?” Logan mused. “That’s a pretty tall order.”
“Are you sure you’re ready to go back to work, Soph?” Trystan asked her as they filed up from the wharf and paused on the grassy overlook. “I’m here until tomorrow morning. I can cover for you today, if you want.”
“It’s your only day off and your only time with Storm. I’d rather stay busy anyway.” And out of that too-quiet house. She was dreading going back to it tonight, even though Logan would be there with her.
He had slept with her last night, asking first if she wanted to talk. She’d said no, she just wanted to sleep so that’s what they had done, but she sensed something heavy building between them that she wasn’t ready to study too closely.
“But thanks, big guy.” She nudged Trystan’s arm with her shoulder. “I’m more concerned with what I’m going to do with Biyen once he’s back from camping.” He was at the awkward age of being too old for a sitter, but not old enough to be left alone for a full day.
“I’ll take him,” Emma said promptly.
“I know.” Sophie smiled at her. “And I won’t hesitate to ask you to take him if something comes up, but unless you’re starting an out-of-school program, I couldn’t impose. Not every day for the rest of the summer.” Unless she left. If she left, everything would change.
The marina needed her, though. In a month, by mid-August, the traffic would begin to taper off. At that point, she could consider leaving without causing too much disruption.
She noticed that Logan was looking at her. Did his gaze briefly measure the distance between her elbow and Trystan’s? He was being very circumspect and hard to read.
