“It’s not just me,” she said in an equally soft voice. “This isn’t some sort of retaliation for what happened in the past. If I was making decisions just for me, I could take all sorts of risks. I could let you break my heart again. I already know I can survive it, but I can’t do that to Biyen.”
That hurt him. She saw him wince again. She read the tightness in his nod of acknowledgment and bit back saying she was sorry. She was only telling him the truth.
He opened his mouth, but there was another knock on the inner door. This time it was Tamara, the receptionist from the lodge.
“Is Reid coming in?” she asked.
“He’ll be late,” Logan said, leaving the doorway and stepping fully into his office. “What do you need?”
*
Logan ought to have finalized the redesign of the Missionary II by now. He’d fallen behind because of the reno and covering for Sophie and attending the service. Now he’d blown off his first day back at his desk by brooding.
I could let you break my heart again.
He didn’t want to break her heart again. Did she get that? He didn’t want to break Biyen’s heart, either, and it stung really fucking deep that she thought he would.
Did she not have faith in his ability to be a father? Or his willingness to try?
Sophie had come in and out a few times, but had mostly been out, so they hadn’t talked again after she had said that.
He couldn’t blame her for being so ambivalent about their potential, but it ate at him that she was holding him off. His own feelings toward her were… Ah, hell. The word that leapt to mind was necessary. He needed her in his life. It wasn’t just want, and it wasn’t just sex. Everything he did with her felt right. When he thought of her leaving, the world fell away beneath him. He didn’t see a future where she wasn’t in it.
That was sobering. It was like sailing into mist without radar or charts. He didn’t know where he was or where he was going, only that he needed to find her.
The door at the top of the stairs opened. He leaned back to see through the window, expecting Sophie, but it was Biyen.
“Hey, bud,” he said with surprise. “I thought you were camping. Everything okay?”
“I wanted to see Mom,” he said glumly. “Is she here?”
“She’s down at the wharf, working on one of the boats. You can wait here if you want to.”
Biyen looked around with discontent, then with more interest.
“I forgot you guys did this. It looks weird.” He poked his nose into the painted bathroom, then studied the walls in Logan’s new office.
“You know what the best thing is? Now we can go steal cookies from the breakroom. Umi brought chocolate chip. You want to get us a couple?”
“Okay. But if I get in trouble, I’m going to throw you straight under the bus.”
“As you should,” Logan said with amusement, watching him cross in front of his desk.
Biyen came back a minute later with three cookies wrapped in a paper napkin balanced atop a coffee mug full of milk.
“Umi said I could have two, but this is your last one.” He held on to the cookie an extra minute until Logan met his gaze and understood he was serious.
“Got it. Pull up a chair, partner.” Logan nodded at the chair he’d stolen from the breakroom so he could have a meeting in here if needed.
Biyen scraped it closer to the front of Logan’s desk and set his milk on the edge so he could dip his cookie. He sucked the milk out of it and dipped again.
“How come you’re home early? Did you get another wasp sting or something?”
“No. I just wanted to see Mom.” Biyen’s shoulders were slumped, his voice heavy.
“Are you missing your grandpa?” Logan got up to close the door into the hall, instinctively wanting to protect the boy’s privacy if he was hurting and needed a cry.
“Yeah, but…” Biyen’s dark brows were low and disgruntled as he watched Logan retake his seat. “Are you, like, my mom’s boyfriend now?”
“Oh.” Shit. This was what walking the plank felt like. No way to go backward, nothing good if he went forward. “What makes you think that? Because I’ve been staying with you guys?” He’d been planning to continue staying there after Sophie’s half-hearted invitation. Now he wondered if he should.
“Dad said you were.” Biyen looked at the cookie going into the milk.
“Ah.” Be very careful, Logan reminded himself. He scratched the tip of his itchy nose. “You’ve done the right thing by asking me directly. I can see where your dad might have got that impression, but that’s not what I am.” He should be so lucky.
Biyen nibbled off the damp side of his cookie and turned the half-moon shape into his milk. His gaze came up again, wordless. Patient.
Logan tried like hell to remember if he’d left his underwear on Sophie’s bedroom floor. He swallowed his dry bite of cookie and set it aside.
“Did you know that your mom was kind of my girlfriend a long time ago? It was before she met your dad. We all grew up here together here, me and her and my brothers.”
“I know. But I didn’t know she was your girlfriend.”
“It was only for a short time. To be honest, I didn’t deserve for her to be my girlfriend at all. I was kind of a jerk to her. I was actually a really big jerk. When we all came back here in April, she was still mad at me, but we’ve talked it out and I’ve apologized. The good thing is, she forgave me. Now we’re friends again.” Maybe that wasn’t the whole truth, but it was pretty close.
“Your grandpa was also a really, really good friend to me.” Good thing he had closed that door. His throat was closing and his chest felt like it was being sandblasted from the inside. “He felt more like an uncle. He was always really patient with me when I wanted to learn more about boats. You know how you feel about dinosaurs? That’s how I feel about boats. I’ve always been crazy about them.”
Biyen released a noise of amusement around his soggy cookie. “I wish someone here knew more about dinosaurs than I do. Then I could just ask.”
