I know his sister still lives in Little Hadlow but I haven't spoken to her in years. It’s a small village but it’s big enough to avoid people you don’t want to meet. I occasionally spot her from the distance, but I have a spidey sense for the Whitmores and I hotfoot it in the other direction when I see any of them. I can’t possibly face her, or Ben, after everything that happened. Who needs that awkwardness?

Luckily, Ben moved to the US a year after we broke up and he’s barely been home since. And I haven't thought about him in the last few years. Not often, at least.

I should turn around and walk away but what would Ben think if I stood him up? If he turns up, that is.

Ben! Suddenly something clicks in my brain. No, no, no. Heat creeps into my cheeks and a sense of doom settles in my guts.

That bastard! Ben Whitmore is my Ben. Pleasure Dom Ben is the person who ripped my heart out and stamped on it. Looks like my spidey sense doesn’t work online.

Before I can leave, he gets out of the little booth and walks up to me.

"Hi, Amelia."

"You… You—" Bastard. Rat. Arsehole. Smoking hot heart-breaker. No, forget smoking hot.

"Please, Amelia! Don’t run. Give me a chance to explain... Just one dinner. Please," he begs. There are laughter lines on his face and some grey in his hair and his stubble. It makes him look more manly, distinguished, and hot. No, not hot, I said! Don't even go there!

But his eyes themselves haven't changed. They are a cool shade of blue, like a sapphire. Long, dark lashes frame them. I always loved his eyes and I’m still convinced it was his eyes that bewitched me, all these years back.

I look around the quiet restaurant, unsure of what to do. My gut feeling tells me I should run, I should get away from him. He broke me once and judging by the messages we’ve exchanged so far, he could break me again. But something is stopping me. It has been a long time and we have never spoken about what happened, simply because I didn't give him a chance.

What is there to explain if someone―no, not someone: your boyfriend―laughs about you behind your back and calls you ugly?

I wait for the angry fire to start in my chest. The one that I felt alongside the sadness of losing him. But nothing.

I always wondered why he did it. Why did he go out with me if that was his opinion of me? Maybe it's time to face my fear and hear him out?

"Please," he whispers and he looks nervous. "I know I should have told you that it’s me you’ve been chatting with but I was scared you’d block me and I want nothing more than to finally explain what happened." He’s showing vulnerability I’ve never seen in him.

His eyes bore into me and butterflies, knots… something is forming in my stomach. The door behind me opens and I realise we’re blocking the entrance. My eyes fall shut as I take a deep breath. Maybe when I open them, this will all have been a bad dream. Ben’s hand on my arm, gently pulling me to the side so the people stepping into the restaurant behind me can pass, brings me back.

It wasn’t a dream or a nightmare. Ben Whitmore is still looking at me with pleading puppy eyes.

"Okay, fine,” I finally exhale, “But only because I'm hungry." I lift my chin in defiance, pretending his presence hasn't set off a firework of emotions in me.

"Thank you." His deep and silky voice sends a shiver through me, but I try desperately not to show it.

“Just promise me you’ll give it to me straight. Don’t lie to me,” I mumble.

“I never lied,” he replies defiantly.

“Ha,” I laugh bitterly because, right there, this was a lie. A big fat fucking lie.

As we head to the table, I send Samira the promised text to make sure she doesn't alert the special forces to rescue me.

Me

Don’t worry. Turns out Ben and I know each other from when we were young. I’ll tell you everything when you’re back from your holiday. XX

7

Crash! Boom! Bang!

Eighteen years earlier

Amelia

Ben is dragging me along empty streets. The sun is relentless and I feel sweat on my forehead. We’re on the way to his colleague Ian's house to watch the England game. Frankly I would have preferred to hide in an air-conditioned coffee shop with a book.

"Tell me again why I need to come?" I ask. I hate his new work colleagues. His Uni friend Cooper is a lot more my cup of tea. He’s kind.

Ben started at this investment company six months ago and ever since his whole life revolves around his job and his coworkers . I’ve met them a couple of times and I find them rude and superficial. Ben is a different person when he is with them. When it’s just the two of us, he’s loving and caring, and makes me laugh to the point that I wonder how I got so lucky. But around them he changes, roaring along with their crude jokes and basically ignoring me.

"Because I want to spend time with you but I need to show my face at this thing. If I want to get a promotion in the autumn my boss needs to see me at work things." Ben stops and pulls me into his arms, placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

"It's watching the footie, not really a work thing," I protest.

"Amelia," he sighs. "Please? For me? We don't have to stay long."

"Fine," I giggle. "But only because you have a cute bum." Ben lets out a deep belly laugh before drawing me into a passionate kiss.

Honestly, I would do anything for him when he kisses me like that.

Ian does have a nice house, I have to give him that. Walking from the toilet through his large living room back to the garden I notice all the details that have gone into the decor. I bet he hired someone to decorate it for him.

As I step back outside, I freeze in my tracks when the sound of my name reaches my ears. The trellis overgrown with vines shield me from view.

"Seriously, mate. I don't know why you’re with Amelia."

"Well, I guess she isn’t what people would consider pretty..." Ben's words hit me like a ton of bricks. I find it difficult to breathe. I hear him chuckle nervously. I know his laugh and that is not his normal one.

Ian chimes in, "But, mate, you can do so much better."

"Maybe you're right, but she is extra appreciative for my attention , if you know what I mean." His statement makes them all whoop and laugh.

"And until someone better comes along, I'll enjoy it, lads," Ben adds, sparking more laughter. His hurtful remarks cut through me. Is that really what he thinks? Has it all been a lie? My heart races as I try to make sense of it all. He told me at least twenty times that he loved me only yesterday. We cooked pasta together and ended up in a food fight and then had some incredible kitchen-counter sex. I feel sick to my stomach when I think that he faked it all.

I need to get out of here. I don't want to hear anything else. I'm fighting with tears. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

Taking a step back, I accidentally bump into someone —Adam— another one of Ben's so-called friends. His awkward grin makes it clear he also heard the conversation. My embarrassment and hurt mix into a cocktail of emotions and I just want to run. I need to get out of here.

"Can you tell Ben I've left?" I ask Adam in a hushed tone, not bothering to wait for a reply. I make my way through the living room and out the front door. Ian doesn't live too far from station, I can get a train home from there.

"Breathe, breathe, breathe," I mumble to myself, trying to calm my emotions. Anger, humiliation, and a deep sadness swirl together, the sadness slowly becoming overwhelming .

I hear my name shouted as I’m about to round the corner, and see Ben running towards me. Catching up, he tentatively touches my arm and says my name again. My stomach tightens and I force myself to turn, mustering a strained smile. Confusion and worry paint his face, mirroring how I feel inside.

"I'm sorry, I can explain," he starts, but turn back towards the station building in the distance. He grabs my hand, desperate to stop me from leaving. I pull from his grasp like his touch burns me.