Coop mumbles his agreement about the deal as he types away on his phone.
“Oh, guess what, I ran into Amelia.” Silence. I had to tell him at some point and, in all honesty I’m dying to talk to him about it.
“Amelia?” He locks eyes with me. “Your Amelia?”
“Yup,” I reply casually like it is not a big deal even if it is a big fucking deal.
“Where did you meet her?”
“She, well…” His stare makes me feel like I’m on trial. “We matched on the dating app I use.”
“The BDSM app?” There is surprise in his eyes when I nod. “I didn’t think Amelia was into that.”
“Neither did I,” I shrug.
“And?”
“We met up for dinner and—”
“Hang on, is she the cat lady?” Coop rises from his chair.
“Yes.”
“Ben! Fuck. I saw the look on your face when you texted her. You’re falling for her again.”
“No! That’s not what this is.” I protest but somehow it doesn’t really feel true to me either.
“How is it, then?” he challenges me.
“It… she asked me to show her what it means to be with a pleasure dom.”
“You’re kidding me?” Coop looks stunned.
“No—”
“Tell me you said no!”
“Coop—”
“Ben! For fuck’s sake. What are you doing?”
“I’ll tell you if you let me finish a bloody sentence,” I raise my voice and square up to him.
Coop inhales deeply before taking a seat.
As I recap what happened, of course leaving out the phone sex, he keeps shaking his head.
“I think this is bonkers, Ben,” he sighs when I finish my story.
“I know. But I couldn’t say no to her. If I can help her with this I will.”
“And what happens if she walks away again at the end?”
“I… I’ll let her go of course.” But I can hear the uncertainty in my voice.
“Don’t hurt her, Ben!”
“I’m not the same man, Coop. I’d give her anything she asks for. I think that makes me much more likely to get hurt.” As I say it out loud I know it’s true. There is no point in fighting it. I need to admit the truth to myself: when she stood in front of me in the restaurant my old feelings came roaring back to me. I would have given anything to hold her in my arms.
“Fucking hell. This is madness. I’m worried for you, and for her.”
“I know,” I reply. We stare at each other. Before either one of us can say anything else Gladys sticks her head into the office to get Coop who is late for a meeting.
After he leaves, my fingers casually glide over my phone. As the screen springs alive I click on the dating app. Amelia’s profile is the first one on my list. I take a couple of screenshots of it then press the little red cross.
I hit yes and follow the final steps. That’s it. As long as Amelia is around there isn’t going to be anyone else.
12
Bleeding Love
Amelia
Samira taps her watch. That’s my ten-minute warning to get my shit together because we are heading out for lunch. A new Brazilian street food stand has opened around the corner and we want to give it a try.
I open the attachment to an email from the finance team. It’s an invoice for my approval. I quickly scan over the page. The logo doesn’t look familiar. When I get to the description of services I stop. Analysis of the security situation in Balochistan. I didn’t order that.
