“I don’t think that at all. You’ve gone out of your way to make sure I know you believe I can take care of myself.”
“When I saw you in the park with him, I… I was scared. I was scared he was going to do something to you. I couldn’t just sit by.”
“I get it. And if I’m being honest, I was scared, too, at first,” Spenser agreed. “But he wasn’t armed with anything but a smug attitude. He’s banking on ruining my reputation.”
Ryker sat back and pursed his lips, looking lost in thought. He turned to her after a beat.
“Could you get the Bureau—”
She cut him off with a shake of her head. “That’s not going to happen. I wouldn’t play ball with them, so there’s no way in hell they’re going to help me. I’m sure ASAC Harris will take extra pleasure in knowing I’m going down in flames. No, I’m on my own here.”
Ryker gently squeezed her hand. “You’re not alone. Not even close.”
“I appreciate you. More than you may realize.”
He leaned over and gave her a soft kiss on the forehead, looking deeply into her eyes as he used his thumb to brush a lock of hair away from her face. Spenser’s heart beat drunkenly in her chest, and despite all the chaos going on around her, a silly smile creased her lips. She loved that no matter what was going on and how deep in the dumps she was, Ryker always had just the right words to pull her from the depths.
“What is Kyra Foster getting out of this whole arrangement?” Ryker asked. “I mean, she’s set to inherit her family paper, so why get mixed up with Johansen and Alex?”
“Who knows? Maybe she gets some kind of notoriety from being the one who breaks the stories that sink me? Maybe she has bigger plans and wants to hitch her wagon to somebody like Johansen, who’s always got his eyes on a bigger prize. Ingratiating herself to him now could be a ticket to bigger and better things for her,” Spenser answered. “Or maybe she just gets off on destroying other people’s reputations.”
Ryker frowned. “This just seems to be getting deeper and deeper. Are we sure we’re not overthinking things here?”
“If anything, I’m not sure we’re thinking things through deeply enough,” she replied. “Johansen is a planner. There are probably layers and layers to this whole thing that we’re not even seeing yet.”
Ryker flashed her a grin. “Now, I think you’re overthinking it all. As despicable as it is, I think it seems pretty straight forward. You really need to get out of your head.”
The corners of Spenser’s mouth flickered upward. “Yeah. It’s possible.”
“No, definitely.”
“Anyway, I need to figure out what I’m going to do about this all.”
“What we’re going to do about it all, you mean?”
She raised Ryker’s hand and gently kissed his knuckles. “That’s what I meant.”
The great room was filled with the sound of the fire crackling and popping—and the gentle snoring of their two large dogs. As serene as the scene was, though, Spenser found no solace in it. She found no peace. A tempest was rampaging through her soul with the force of a hurricane, stripping away and breaking down any sense of comfort she would normally have.
“Just remember, you can’t control what Johansen does. You can’t control what the council does or what the people think,” Ryker finally said. “You can only control what you can control. And that’s you and how you react… and how you do your job. I still believe that will speak louder than any of the noise those clowns are making.”
He was right. It burned Spenser’s butt to admit it, but he was right. Not about her job performance speaking louder than their mudslinging necessarily, but about only being able to control herself and how she did her job. All she could do was hope that at the end of the day, Ryker was right about it, speaking for her. At the moment, all she could do was focus on finding Seth Hamill’s killer. Nothing else mattered.
“I also want to watch your back out there with Ricci running around,” Ryker said.
“He’s more interested in destroying my career than in killing me anymore.”
“For now,” he replied. “But I know guys like that—so do you. Eventually, trying to ruin you professionally will lose its charm, and he’ll come after you.”
“Perhaps,” she said, although she’d already had the same thought. “Either way, I’ll keep my eyes peeled. I promise.”
Ryker leaned down and kissed the top of her head as Spenser snuggled closer to him. She closed her eyes and tried to drown out the cacophony of doomsaying voices reverberating through her head and tried to focus on the moment. On enjoying a quiet evening in with Ryker and the dogs and soaking it all in.
Thanks to those dark voices whispering in the back of her mind, Spenser suspected there were going to be few enough opportunities to do so in the coming days.
“I heard about what happened at the town hall last night,” Amanda said. “You okay?”
Spenser rolled her eyes as she walked into the conference room and set down the container with the coffee and pastries she’d brought in. She’d already dropped a box of pastries in the break room for the rest of the deputies, who normally descended on it like locusts, but the office was curiously empty.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Spenser replied. “Annoyed more than anything. Did you do roll call?”
Amanda nodded. “Yep. Everybody’s got their assignments and already out on the street.”
“Good. Thank you.”
“So, what happened down there?” Jacob asked.
Spenser put her hand to her forehead, trying to beat back the thumper already forming behind her eyes. She could already tell it was going to be a long day.
“Right now, what we’re going to do is work the case on our plate,” Spenser responded. “We need to find out who killed Seth Hamill. The election is still a long way off, so this case is the only thing that matters right now. Let’s just do our jobs.”
“Copy that,” they both say in unison.
“Good. Okay,” she said. “So, speaking of our case, where are we at?”
