Cautiously, I raised my eyes to his. "Because I made you angry at yourself."
"Ayla, I assure you that any of those weapons beside you work much better than a fork." He tilted his head at the pile to prove his point. "I may be stronger than you, but I'm not stronger than sharpened steel. I also won't strike you, because you may hit back."
I sucked in a breath, aware of how those words mirrored the ones I'd told Mr. Morgan and Mr. Saunders as I tried to force myself to believe him. "Why are you mad at me, Zasen?"
Slowly, he brushed a strand of hair away from my temple, his orange eyes taking in every nuance of my reaction. "I'm mad at me because I sometimes read too much into your words." His lips curled on one side. "I have a tail and strange, scaled skin, but our minds are no different than yours. I got frustrated because I don't understand you at all, but I want to."
"Why?"
"It's the downside of being a treasure, Ayla. It makes the viewer want to possess it, even if it's dangerous."
I shook my head slightly. "I don't understand."
"Ayla, I'm used to Dragon and Reaper women. I promise you, they are not scared by men. Rather the opposite, in fact. But do you even know what flirtation is?"
I swallowed, not sure I liked where this conversation was going. "The path to disgrace?"
That made him laugh. "Explain disgrace to me."
"Being sullied."
He leaned closer. "Keep going. Use very little words, because Mole customs are new to me."
"It's when a woman lets a man touch her."
He lifted his hand to my face, brushing his knuckles across my hairline. "So are you disgraced now?"
"Not that kind of touch. I mean like what a husband does to his wife. Like kissing."
"Mm." He smiled broadly. "Did you never kiss your mother?"
"No."
"Father?"
I gasped. "No!"
That made him lean back, shock taking over his face. "Really? My mother kissed every wound I ever had to make it better. She would kiss my brow before I fell asleep. My father hugged more than kissed, but he would smother Jeera with them to make her giggle. Is there no affection between Moles? No love for friends and family?"
"No," I whispered.
He took a long breath and blinked a few times as if trying to make his mind comprehend. "Okay. So what happens if you are disgraced?"
"It makes it hard to get a good husband. Women who are disgraced get the worst picks of the available men. If it results in a child, the woman will be…" I trailed off, pressing a hand to my lips. "…given to the Dragons," I finished.
Zasen chuckled and leaned even closer, then quickly pressed his mouth to my forehead. I jerked back, but that only made him laugh more. "Then you are truly disgraced and need not worry about a husband you don't want anyway. Although, the touch of my lips will not cause children."
"I know," I mumbled, stunned.
His orange eyes dropped to mine. "Do you? How ignorant do they keep you down there, Ayla? You're a very smart girl, but you seem to think caring about people is a bad thing."
"We should love all God's children."
He stepped closer. "So you should love me?" His body hovered beside my shoulder, much too close to be proper. "Or do I not count?"
"Zasen," I begged, confused. Was I supposed to stand here, like this, with him so close, or was I expected to step away? I chose to move, as decades of lectures swayed my decision.
He grabbed my arm again, holding me in place, gently. "Do I count as a man, Ayla?"
"Yes."
He guided me a bit closer until I was almost pressed up against him. "Then there's nothing wrong with loving me?"
My mouth had gone dry. "Not if you were my husband."
"So you should only love those of God's children who you married?"
"No!"
His fingers relaxed slightly. "What does it mean, Ayla? What do those words actually mean?"
I shook my head, holding my arms pressed between us. I heard all of his words, but his questions turned the rules I knew into a jumbled mess in my mind. I wanted to answer correctly, but the harder I thought about it, the more confused I became.
"I don't know!" I whimpered.
He released me. "I know. Think about it, Ayla. Think hard. Consider that what they taught you is wrong."
While I stood there, trembling, he gently ran his hand over my hair.
